Alright, so blogger's annoying me enough that I'm giving up on it. I'm making a wordpress blog, and those of you who follow me on here, can now follow this link for my updates.
Sadly this will be my last post on blogger, but I hope you'll enjoy my new blog as well. http://myldraandj.wordpress.com/
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Saturday, August 2, 2014
New Addition to the Family
Shortly after I wrote the last post on the last day of July, my parents went for their walk and came home with a 2 week old kitten. The poor kitten had been left in the woods on a hill that is on our property, and we have no idea how other than he was the runt of the litter and the mother abandoned him since sometimes mothers are known to abandon the weak ones. His mother could have been a feral cat too.
Anyway, they said they were walking when they heard this little squeak/chirp noise. They were like "it can't be a kitten, why would a kitten be all the way up here?" and so they looked for it, thinking maybe it's a baby wild animal or something. But underneath some brush, they found a tiny kitten. It was cold, wet, alone, covered in ants and slugs. Its paws were red and raw (not bleeding though) from trying to get out from under there. It still breaks my heart to think about what the poor thing had been through the last couple days before we found him. Left alone there in the woods probably for two or three days before my parents found him. It really amazes me how he managed to survive all alone, and no wild animals got to him before we did.
As of now, he's alright. We had to take him to the vet today as my mom was worried about him not eating properly this morning. After the vet fed him proper formula through a feeding tube, he seemed to regain what strength he has and his energy is back. He's definitely got his appetite back too. He's really spunky and hyper, so that's a good sign. He wants to eat a lot, and he's so young that we have to help him use the bathroom by stimulating his bladder like his mother would have.
I picked out his name and it's Noah. I like it. It seems to suit him. We're going to have to be round the clock babysitters and not leave him alone for like the first month or at least until he gets big enough to be able to play with the other cats. The other cats don't seem to be too bothered by him, but he's too young to play with them now so we can't leave them alone with him obviously. Maybe they'll warm up to him once he's older. So, this makes four cats that James gets to meet when he comes here. I think four cats is the most cats we've ever had at once.
As for news about James, there's still nothing to report. I'm really hoping he gets his passport either the week after next week, or the week after that at the latest. I'll be upset if it doesn't happen by the end of August.
Anyway, that's about all for now I guess.
Anyway, they said they were walking when they heard this little squeak/chirp noise. They were like "it can't be a kitten, why would a kitten be all the way up here?" and so they looked for it, thinking maybe it's a baby wild animal or something. But underneath some brush, they found a tiny kitten. It was cold, wet, alone, covered in ants and slugs. Its paws were red and raw (not bleeding though) from trying to get out from under there. It still breaks my heart to think about what the poor thing had been through the last couple days before we found him. Left alone there in the woods probably for two or three days before my parents found him. It really amazes me how he managed to survive all alone, and no wild animals got to him before we did.
As of now, he's alright. We had to take him to the vet today as my mom was worried about him not eating properly this morning. After the vet fed him proper formula through a feeding tube, he seemed to regain what strength he has and his energy is back. He's definitely got his appetite back too. He's really spunky and hyper, so that's a good sign. He wants to eat a lot, and he's so young that we have to help him use the bathroom by stimulating his bladder like his mother would have.
I picked out his name and it's Noah. I like it. It seems to suit him. We're going to have to be round the clock babysitters and not leave him alone for like the first month or at least until he gets big enough to be able to play with the other cats. The other cats don't seem to be too bothered by him, but he's too young to play with them now so we can't leave them alone with him obviously. Maybe they'll warm up to him once he's older. So, this makes four cats that James gets to meet when he comes here. I think four cats is the most cats we've ever had at once.
As for news about James, there's still nothing to report. I'm really hoping he gets his passport either the week after next week, or the week after that at the latest. I'll be upset if it doesn't happen by the end of August.
Anyway, that's about all for now I guess.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Last Day of July
It's the last day of July, and he still doesn't have his passport. Obviously if they told him that it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks he'd either get it the week after next week, or the week after that. If he doesn't get it by the end of August I will be getting very frustrated and upset. His case is past now, it shouldn't cause him anymore trouble. But like I've said, I gave it until the end of September to get here so that gives it a bit more time. I'd just hoped to have him be here by then. By the looks of things, if his passport doesn't get here the week after next week, he could be here around our one year anniversary. That would also be nice, so we could spend our one year anniversary together. And probably have a belated birthday date for me :P
Right now I feel really sick. I have a migraine that is making me feel nauseous. And it just keeps getting worse. I'd hoped to go into town today but if I still feel this crappy later then I probably won't. It sucks because I asked for the car too. It's not like I can't get it another day though. I just wanted to get a couple things in relation to James. But I'm sure they will still be there. It didn't seem like they were selling out too fast. I hope. They were a really good deal so who knows. If not I can probably just find one online...maybe. What they are is solar lights. I already bought 3 online for 3 bucks each. I also bought some ones that look like Christmas tree lights, but they aren't. I have a purpose for them. The one I wanted to get at the store is a mosaic one. If you don't know what those are, type in "mosaic solar lights" and you'll see. At the store I saw them at, they were only 4 bucks so that's why I want to get one there. And worried they might sell a lot of them since they're so cheap. But I'll see.
I just figured they would be more convenient for a nighttime picnic lol. Plus add a little romance, and I just like them because they're pretty. Or they'd be good for anything we want to do at night. We'd probably still do that stuff in October. We'd just have to dress for it cause I'm Canadian and all. We Canadians do crazy stuff. We've had bbqs when it's snowing and campfires during blizzards. I've also eaten ice cream during the winter several times. Winter shouldn't be an "off" season for ice cream. You want an ice cream and it's snowing outside, you go get it gurl (or guy, whoever's reading this).
This migraine seems to be relentless. It started creeping up on me last night and I took some pills early on, hoping it would go away. By the time I fell asleep it was pretty bad and then I woke up during earlier and it was worse then, now it's even worse. Hope I don't get sick. I tried eating a freezie but it didn't seem to help. Usually freezies, popsicles, and ice cream is good for an upset stomach because it's nice and cold and seem to ease the pain sometimes. I guess not in this case. I think the only thing that will help it now is a really strong pill that my mom has - and she's at work. I only take those when nothing else works because they are expensive.
Anyway, mine and James' 10 month anniversary is a week from now. We've been going strong for the past 10 months. We haven't even had a huge fight in that we both wanted to give up on the relationship. We've had arguments, but we get over them quickly. The two of us being introverts helps in that area I think. I've dated extroverts too, and I fought often with them. I also dated an introvert before I dated James, and I didn't fight too much with him either. It's really nice to be with someone (James) who I don't fight with or have to worry about getting mad at me over stupid things that I do. If I can tell he's upset because of something I did, we talk it out and usually we're fine a few minutes later. He's really the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I really want this to work.
Yesterday my mom was saying how all she wants for us (her daughters) is someone who will take care of us and just be there for us. Like my sister for example. She has two jobs, yet her boyfriend who also works (but only during weekdays) comes to see her every weekend and he does special things for her. Plus, he's helping her with the building of the lot of their future home on my dad's property. My mom's known him for quite a while now so she knows he'll be good for her in that way. She was saying how she doesn't know James yet, but he could be that way too, and that's another reason I want him to be here, so that she knows how well he does treat me and how happy I am with him. I know he will put my best interests first. I know he'll take care of me and treat me like how I want to be treated. If we had met in person, we would definitely work out well and my mom could see how awesome he is.
Well, here's to hoping that the weeks we've been waiting for his passport are truly, finally narrowing down. And to hoping that my migraine/stomach ache goes away soon.
Right now I feel really sick. I have a migraine that is making me feel nauseous. And it just keeps getting worse. I'd hoped to go into town today but if I still feel this crappy later then I probably won't. It sucks because I asked for the car too. It's not like I can't get it another day though. I just wanted to get a couple things in relation to James. But I'm sure they will still be there. It didn't seem like they were selling out too fast. I hope. They were a really good deal so who knows. If not I can probably just find one online...maybe. What they are is solar lights. I already bought 3 online for 3 bucks each. I also bought some ones that look like Christmas tree lights, but they aren't. I have a purpose for them. The one I wanted to get at the store is a mosaic one. If you don't know what those are, type in "mosaic solar lights" and you'll see. At the store I saw them at, they were only 4 bucks so that's why I want to get one there. And worried they might sell a lot of them since they're so cheap. But I'll see.
I just figured they would be more convenient for a nighttime picnic lol. Plus add a little romance, and I just like them because they're pretty. Or they'd be good for anything we want to do at night. We'd probably still do that stuff in October. We'd just have to dress for it cause I'm Canadian and all. We Canadians do crazy stuff. We've had bbqs when it's snowing and campfires during blizzards. I've also eaten ice cream during the winter several times. Winter shouldn't be an "off" season for ice cream. You want an ice cream and it's snowing outside, you go get it gurl (or guy, whoever's reading this).
This migraine seems to be relentless. It started creeping up on me last night and I took some pills early on, hoping it would go away. By the time I fell asleep it was pretty bad and then I woke up during earlier and it was worse then, now it's even worse. Hope I don't get sick. I tried eating a freezie but it didn't seem to help. Usually freezies, popsicles, and ice cream is good for an upset stomach because it's nice and cold and seem to ease the pain sometimes. I guess not in this case. I think the only thing that will help it now is a really strong pill that my mom has - and she's at work. I only take those when nothing else works because they are expensive.
Anyway, mine and James' 10 month anniversary is a week from now. We've been going strong for the past 10 months. We haven't even had a huge fight in that we both wanted to give up on the relationship. We've had arguments, but we get over them quickly. The two of us being introverts helps in that area I think. I've dated extroverts too, and I fought often with them. I also dated an introvert before I dated James, and I didn't fight too much with him either. It's really nice to be with someone (James) who I don't fight with or have to worry about getting mad at me over stupid things that I do. If I can tell he's upset because of something I did, we talk it out and usually we're fine a few minutes later. He's really the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I really want this to work.
Yesterday my mom was saying how all she wants for us (her daughters) is someone who will take care of us and just be there for us. Like my sister for example. She has two jobs, yet her boyfriend who also works (but only during weekdays) comes to see her every weekend and he does special things for her. Plus, he's helping her with the building of the lot of their future home on my dad's property. My mom's known him for quite a while now so she knows he'll be good for her in that way. She was saying how she doesn't know James yet, but he could be that way too, and that's another reason I want him to be here, so that she knows how well he does treat me and how happy I am with him. I know he will put my best interests first. I know he'll take care of me and treat me like how I want to be treated. If we had met in person, we would definitely work out well and my mom could see how awesome he is.
Well, here's to hoping that the weeks we've been waiting for his passport are truly, finally narrowing down. And to hoping that my migraine/stomach ache goes away soon.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Passport News
James went into the passport office again and they told him that it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks if it goes well. That's what I was hoping for. But they also said if things go wrong for some reason, it could be another 5 weeks. I'm thinking that since his case is past now, maybe what they're saying will end up happening and he'll get it in 2 - 3 weeks. I can only hope.
At least they still seem to be on track with it and they didn't tell him there was any complications yet so I'm relieved of that. If he doesn't get it in another two weeks, he'll go back yet again. but I'm really hoping things work out and it arrives on time so that he doesn't have to go back after all.
I'm just tired of all this waiting. The two weeks will go by fast though, so long as they don't screw around with him. It'll be hard to be truly excited about it until he actually gets it in his hands. He could end up being here in October if it gets delayed too much longer. Sigh.
Well, this is what we've got to deal with so far. At least it wasn't terrible news.
At least they still seem to be on track with it and they didn't tell him there was any complications yet so I'm relieved of that. If he doesn't get it in another two weeks, he'll go back yet again. but I'm really hoping things work out and it arrives on time so that he doesn't have to go back after all.
I'm just tired of all this waiting. The two weeks will go by fast though, so long as they don't screw around with him. It'll be hard to be truly excited about it until he actually gets it in his hands. He could end up being here in October if it gets delayed too much longer. Sigh.
Well, this is what we've got to deal with so far. At least it wasn't terrible news.
Monday, July 28, 2014
By Your Side
I wrote this today as just a little random thing to write because I felt like expressing some more of my deeper feelings about this LDR. Hope you enjoy. PS: Please don't steal or copy this without my permission. It's something personal that I wrote. It was a little inspired by the song, "By Your Side" by Faber Drive".
She sat on a chair on the back deck of her grey house, watching the green, lush leaves of the trees dance in the wind, the sounds of them rustling against each other in the breezes soothing her crowded mind. Up above, the sky was darkening with grey clouds, while a few puffy white ones floated by. A bird chirped in a tree somewhere to her right. A particularly strong gust of wind blew her dark brown hair around her face and lifted the pages of the notebook she was writing in.
She stood up off the chair, closing her notebook, and her long, white dress fluttered around her ankles. She walked forward a few steps and rested her arms on the white railings of the deck, leaning against it and gazing at the scenery around her, taking it all in.
This was solitude. Trees in every direction she looked. The only connection to the outside world was the main highway a few hundred yards away. No one was around besides her three cats, as her family was busy going about their lives.
Her thoughts drifted to a certain someone, who had dark brown hair and very intense brown eyes. As images of him made their way across her mind, she smiled.
He was her love. He loved her unconditionally, and she wholeheartedly returned those feelings. Thinking of his smile and laugh melted away her worries, and she knew she was not alone. He was always by her side. She closed her eyes, and it was as if he was standing there beside her, his arms wrapped around her protectively, making her feel safe.
She got caught up in the daydream, so when she opened her eyes reality hit her like a lightning bolt. He wasn't here. She had no idea when he would be. Despite being in a relationship with him for nearly ten months, she had never seen him smile in person or felt his touch.
He was 1400kms away. In a different state, in a different country. There was a border between them. It pained her to think that the only way she could see him or talk to him was through a computer screen.
Her sadness at missing him brought forth a new emotion: determination. No matter how many people ridiculed their relationship, no matter how much longer she had to wait to meet him, she would suffer through the pain of missing him. Because waiting this long for someone who made her feel like no one else has would be worth it when she could finally spend seven glorious days with him physically by her side.
She'd wait. And until then, she could only dream and pray that one day soon they could be together. Their relationship was like a rock: solid, indestructible. Nothing would tear them apart. They were both equally determined to make this work. Because that is what you do when you love someone unconditionally. You make sacrifices in order to be with them.
Until then, she only had her fantasies, dreams, and his spirit surrounding her. She felt him in every step, every breath, surrounding her and shielding her. Closing her eyes again, she could almost feel his lips against hers as he whispered "I love you".
"When you close your eyes, I'm by your side." - By Your Side: Faber Drive
She sat on a chair on the back deck of her grey house, watching the green, lush leaves of the trees dance in the wind, the sounds of them rustling against each other in the breezes soothing her crowded mind. Up above, the sky was darkening with grey clouds, while a few puffy white ones floated by. A bird chirped in a tree somewhere to her right. A particularly strong gust of wind blew her dark brown hair around her face and lifted the pages of the notebook she was writing in.
She stood up off the chair, closing her notebook, and her long, white dress fluttered around her ankles. She walked forward a few steps and rested her arms on the white railings of the deck, leaning against it and gazing at the scenery around her, taking it all in.
This was solitude. Trees in every direction she looked. The only connection to the outside world was the main highway a few hundred yards away. No one was around besides her three cats, as her family was busy going about their lives.
Her thoughts drifted to a certain someone, who had dark brown hair and very intense brown eyes. As images of him made their way across her mind, she smiled.
He was her love. He loved her unconditionally, and she wholeheartedly returned those feelings. Thinking of his smile and laugh melted away her worries, and she knew she was not alone. He was always by her side. She closed her eyes, and it was as if he was standing there beside her, his arms wrapped around her protectively, making her feel safe.
She got caught up in the daydream, so when she opened her eyes reality hit her like a lightning bolt. He wasn't here. She had no idea when he would be. Despite being in a relationship with him for nearly ten months, she had never seen him smile in person or felt his touch.
He was 1400kms away. In a different state, in a different country. There was a border between them. It pained her to think that the only way she could see him or talk to him was through a computer screen.
Her sadness at missing him brought forth a new emotion: determination. No matter how many people ridiculed their relationship, no matter how much longer she had to wait to meet him, she would suffer through the pain of missing him. Because waiting this long for someone who made her feel like no one else has would be worth it when she could finally spend seven glorious days with him physically by her side.
She'd wait. And until then, she could only dream and pray that one day soon they could be together. Their relationship was like a rock: solid, indestructible. Nothing would tear them apart. They were both equally determined to make this work. Because that is what you do when you love someone unconditionally. You make sacrifices in order to be with them.
Until then, she only had her fantasies, dreams, and his spirit surrounding her. She felt him in every step, every breath, surrounding her and shielding her. Closing her eyes again, she could almost feel his lips against hers as he whispered "I love you".
"When you close your eyes, I'm by your side." - By Your Side: Faber Drive
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Soon We'll Know
James did manage to get a weekday off next week, so at last he'll be able to go to the passport office for what will (hopefully) be the final update. That's, if all goes well and they say that they're still on track with his passport and things are looking good.
Unfortunately, however, he closes for 4 days once again - that means another 4 days of not seeing him on skype or talking to him at night. Those nights are tough, and two weeks in a row of 4 closing nights really suck. He complained to his manager last week, and he told me that yesterday he gave his manager hell when they refused to listen to his complaints from last time. It's not fair that he has to close all the time because other people don't want to. Plus they won't let him have a week's vacation this month because they say it's already booked, and yet 3 people go on vacation in a week. That's partly the reason why he's closing so much.
The only consolation is that I get to talk to him in the morning at least, now that I'm not working. It just sucks not seeing him on skype. And what's worse is, on the nights he doesn't close, when skype decides it doesn't want to work for us. That's happened often, and I don't know why. I've gone on skype with other friends and it worked fine with them. But then James has Windows 7 and I have Windows 8 so maybe the upgrades don't work as well, or I don't know. It didn't work well before I got the upgrade either but I figured it was because of my crappy old computer. I just wish I could have Windows 7 on this new computer so that maybe skype would work, but I don't know if that's the problem. Some nights it works fine without any problems. Other nights it just cuts out for no reason and we can't get on for more than 5 seconds. And those nights are frustrating. Especially if it's on a night before he's due to close 3 nights in a row. I've gone almost a week without seeing him on skype, because skype refused to work in between the nights he closed.
I'm just getting a bit anxious again because next week we'll actually know for sure, if things are still going well with his passport. Or if it's all going to be a fail and he has to wait another 6 - 8 weeks or some shit. Plus, if he gets good news next week that it will be ready soon, he'll call his mom and get her to prepare for him to move into her basement apartment.
I'm really hoping for good news. I've given him until the end of September to have his passport in his hand. If that doesn't happen, things might not look good for us. I can't wait around for years and then have nothing happen and my heart be broken because he doesn't show up for some reason. That's one of my bigger fears.
Let's see, I'm worried about a couple things that could go wrong with this passport visit.
1) They could say that it'll take another 6 - 8 weeks due to some complication.
2) They could say they haven't started looking at it or processing it yet.
Of course, the good thing they could say is if it's actually on track and will get to him on the time that they told him it would be ready last time. When he went there almost 3 weeks ago, they told him they'd start looking at it on July 11 and if things go well he'd have it in a month. So, let's pray they are still on track.
Unfortunately, however, he closes for 4 days once again - that means another 4 days of not seeing him on skype or talking to him at night. Those nights are tough, and two weeks in a row of 4 closing nights really suck. He complained to his manager last week, and he told me that yesterday he gave his manager hell when they refused to listen to his complaints from last time. It's not fair that he has to close all the time because other people don't want to. Plus they won't let him have a week's vacation this month because they say it's already booked, and yet 3 people go on vacation in a week. That's partly the reason why he's closing so much.
The only consolation is that I get to talk to him in the morning at least, now that I'm not working. It just sucks not seeing him on skype. And what's worse is, on the nights he doesn't close, when skype decides it doesn't want to work for us. That's happened often, and I don't know why. I've gone on skype with other friends and it worked fine with them. But then James has Windows 7 and I have Windows 8 so maybe the upgrades don't work as well, or I don't know. It didn't work well before I got the upgrade either but I figured it was because of my crappy old computer. I just wish I could have Windows 7 on this new computer so that maybe skype would work, but I don't know if that's the problem. Some nights it works fine without any problems. Other nights it just cuts out for no reason and we can't get on for more than 5 seconds. And those nights are frustrating. Especially if it's on a night before he's due to close 3 nights in a row. I've gone almost a week without seeing him on skype, because skype refused to work in between the nights he closed.
I'm just getting a bit anxious again because next week we'll actually know for sure, if things are still going well with his passport. Or if it's all going to be a fail and he has to wait another 6 - 8 weeks or some shit. Plus, if he gets good news next week that it will be ready soon, he'll call his mom and get her to prepare for him to move into her basement apartment.
I'm really hoping for good news. I've given him until the end of September to have his passport in his hand. If that doesn't happen, things might not look good for us. I can't wait around for years and then have nothing happen and my heart be broken because he doesn't show up for some reason. That's one of my bigger fears.
Let's see, I'm worried about a couple things that could go wrong with this passport visit.
1) They could say that it'll take another 6 - 8 weeks due to some complication.
2) They could say they haven't started looking at it or processing it yet.
Of course, the good thing they could say is if it's actually on track and will get to him on the time that they told him it would be ready last time. When he went there almost 3 weeks ago, they told him they'd start looking at it on July 11 and if things go well he'd have it in a month. So, let's pray they are still on track.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
LDR Advice
I know I've posted about catfishing and scamming before, but this post is different. It's a general advice post about how to keep an LDR successful. I hope this will help some of you if you're going through struggles in your LDR, or just want to get general tips to how to keep things going well.
1) Make sure he's not catfishing you.
You've heard me rant about this before, but I'll put a few of the tips in here again. Creep his social media networks (Facebook, twitter, whatever else he has). Check out his friends, photos and past posts. Make sure his stories add up and that there's not too much drama in his life. A lot of times, over the top drama is a catfish's ploy to make someone feel sorry for them. Also, make sure that he will go on skype or video chat with you. Catfish generally don't want to go on skype, because they aren't who they say they are. Also, this is another huge red flag, but the second they ask for money, it's definitely a scam and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT continue the relationship no matter how much you've "fallen" for them. What would you rather, a broken heart or a broken bank account that leaves you both broke in cash, and broke in heart. In some extreme catfish cases, people have lost their homes and families due to blind "love" and sending cash to someone they've never even seen on webcam. If a person really "loves" you, they won't ask you for money. Use common sense when online dating.
2) Make sure you are clear on where you stand in his life.
Say you've been talking for a few months now, and you're falling hard for him. You think he likes you, but you're not sure because he hasn't said the words. But, he's been flirting with you, so that must mean that he cares somewhat, right? So you finally decide to meet him, spend all this money and spend time with him, he treats you like a girlfriend and gets all your emotions confused but he doesn't officially ask you out. Suddenly, you go back home and he's cold towards you, you ask him what you are in his life, and he says you're just "talking". (This is an example that actually happened to someone in an LDR). Don't let that happen. If you're confused or unclear about anything, just talk about it before you make a big leap emotionally. If he acts like he doesn't want you as more than a friend, or person to talk to, then don't invest too much emotionally (or money wise) into it. I've been played by guys (locally) who I thought liked me, and it's not fun. It's better to ask and be clear, even if his answer hurts you and rips your heart out, than to be fuzzy and have him leading you on for so long only to have it hurt more when he hurts you.
3) Both put in equal amount of effort.
Again, LDR's, along with local relationships, are all about effort. Two people care for each other and want to be together. But is one of them seriously committed or just messing around and expecting you to do everything? Here's an example that taught me to watch out for that. I dated a local guy for one year, he broke up with me a day before our one year anniversary. I liked him a lot, we had a lot in common and when we were together, we had fun. However - there was a catch. He was so lazy, that he only came to my place 4 times in the year that we were together. He lived an hour's drive away, and he always had some excuse not to come see me, so then I would give in and drive to go see him because I wanted to be with him. His excuses were "I drive 40 mins to and from work everyday so it's hard on my car" or "gas is expensive" or "I like to relax at home on weekends, but you can come here". I wanted to alternate, meaning he come one weekend, I'd go there the next, but he couldn't even do that. He wouldn't compromise at all. It was either me going there, or I wouldn't see him, or he'd make a big fuss about having to drive here and when he was here he didn't seem to have any fun. In other words, make sure your guy is putting in as much effort as you are, and girls, don't make him do all the visiting all the time. And it's not only the visiting. In LDRs, we have to communicate frequently, so make sure that he's thinking of you and he lets you know that, rather than you reaching out to him all the time and him only replying with a "meh" response, or no response at all.
4) Be safe when meeting.
This shouldn't be too hard. If you're going to meet someone from a different state/province/country, or even locally for that matter, it should be done safely. I'm sure I was stupid when meeting local guys in person after talking to them online. Luckily nothing happened to me, but it could easily happen to anyone. See I find that I can figure out which guys online are trustworthy, especially after I've creeped them for a while. But even so, I don't put my full trust in them until I absolutely know for sure who they are by either meeting in person or doing total research on them. I'm in an LDR and we haven't had the chance to meet in person yet, but when we do I know my mom will probably be with me, along with maybe my sister if she wants to. Make sure you at least have someone with you, or if you think that would be too awkward for a first date, make sure he knows you have your phone on you and are texting someone to let them know where you are/what you're doing with him. If he's not ok with you letting people know where you are, that's a red flag. You can just bring it up casually like "I'm texting my sister/mom/dad/friend to let them know what I'm doing".
5) Go public with your relationship.
James doesn't really post personal things on facebook anyway since he's barely on there, but he doesn't mind when I post things on his facebook or tag him in things. And we are in a relationship on facebook. Also, on DA, I write on his wall for our monthly anniversaries, and he does the same to me. I write it on DA rather than facebook, because he is more active on DA. Sometimes I'll even write on his wall randomly. If you try to post things on the profile of your "guy" and he either outright deletes it or tells you not to post personal shit because he doesn't want people to read it or know that he's talking to you, that's a red flag. Or if he won't let you tag photos of him when you spent time together, or if he's not posting photos of you two together, that's not a good sign either. If he doesn't talk about you at all to anyone in his life, that's not good. James hasn't told his father about me, because his father is more judgmental and strict in that way, so James is nervous to tell him because he knows his dad would think it's crazy and stupid. He will probably tell him once he moves, and before he comes up to see me. His mom and best friend know about me, and I'm sure probably his other friends know. Well, everyone in my life knows about him, since my parents aren't too strict with this kind of thing. Most of my friends were supportive. My family was weird at first but now they're used to it. They just hope he sees me soon, and they're worried about him hurting me.
Anyway, it's 3am again so I think I'm going to fall asleep soon. Hope this was somewhat helpful to some people who are just starting an LDR, or even to people who've been in one for a while.
1) Make sure he's not catfishing you.
You've heard me rant about this before, but I'll put a few of the tips in here again. Creep his social media networks (Facebook, twitter, whatever else he has). Check out his friends, photos and past posts. Make sure his stories add up and that there's not too much drama in his life. A lot of times, over the top drama is a catfish's ploy to make someone feel sorry for them. Also, make sure that he will go on skype or video chat with you. Catfish generally don't want to go on skype, because they aren't who they say they are. Also, this is another huge red flag, but the second they ask for money, it's definitely a scam and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT continue the relationship no matter how much you've "fallen" for them. What would you rather, a broken heart or a broken bank account that leaves you both broke in cash, and broke in heart. In some extreme catfish cases, people have lost their homes and families due to blind "love" and sending cash to someone they've never even seen on webcam. If a person really "loves" you, they won't ask you for money. Use common sense when online dating.
2) Make sure you are clear on where you stand in his life.
Say you've been talking for a few months now, and you're falling hard for him. You think he likes you, but you're not sure because he hasn't said the words. But, he's been flirting with you, so that must mean that he cares somewhat, right? So you finally decide to meet him, spend all this money and spend time with him, he treats you like a girlfriend and gets all your emotions confused but he doesn't officially ask you out. Suddenly, you go back home and he's cold towards you, you ask him what you are in his life, and he says you're just "talking". (This is an example that actually happened to someone in an LDR). Don't let that happen. If you're confused or unclear about anything, just talk about it before you make a big leap emotionally. If he acts like he doesn't want you as more than a friend, or person to talk to, then don't invest too much emotionally (or money wise) into it. I've been played by guys (locally) who I thought liked me, and it's not fun. It's better to ask and be clear, even if his answer hurts you and rips your heart out, than to be fuzzy and have him leading you on for so long only to have it hurt more when he hurts you.
3) Both put in equal amount of effort.
Again, LDR's, along with local relationships, are all about effort. Two people care for each other and want to be together. But is one of them seriously committed or just messing around and expecting you to do everything? Here's an example that taught me to watch out for that. I dated a local guy for one year, he broke up with me a day before our one year anniversary. I liked him a lot, we had a lot in common and when we were together, we had fun. However - there was a catch. He was so lazy, that he only came to my place 4 times in the year that we were together. He lived an hour's drive away, and he always had some excuse not to come see me, so then I would give in and drive to go see him because I wanted to be with him. His excuses were "I drive 40 mins to and from work everyday so it's hard on my car" or "gas is expensive" or "I like to relax at home on weekends, but you can come here". I wanted to alternate, meaning he come one weekend, I'd go there the next, but he couldn't even do that. He wouldn't compromise at all. It was either me going there, or I wouldn't see him, or he'd make a big fuss about having to drive here and when he was here he didn't seem to have any fun. In other words, make sure your guy is putting in as much effort as you are, and girls, don't make him do all the visiting all the time. And it's not only the visiting. In LDRs, we have to communicate frequently, so make sure that he's thinking of you and he lets you know that, rather than you reaching out to him all the time and him only replying with a "meh" response, or no response at all.
4) Be safe when meeting.
This shouldn't be too hard. If you're going to meet someone from a different state/province/country, or even locally for that matter, it should be done safely. I'm sure I was stupid when meeting local guys in person after talking to them online. Luckily nothing happened to me, but it could easily happen to anyone. See I find that I can figure out which guys online are trustworthy, especially after I've creeped them for a while. But even so, I don't put my full trust in them until I absolutely know for sure who they are by either meeting in person or doing total research on them. I'm in an LDR and we haven't had the chance to meet in person yet, but when we do I know my mom will probably be with me, along with maybe my sister if she wants to. Make sure you at least have someone with you, or if you think that would be too awkward for a first date, make sure he knows you have your phone on you and are texting someone to let them know where you are/what you're doing with him. If he's not ok with you letting people know where you are, that's a red flag. You can just bring it up casually like "I'm texting my sister/mom/dad/friend to let them know what I'm doing".
5) Go public with your relationship.
James doesn't really post personal things on facebook anyway since he's barely on there, but he doesn't mind when I post things on his facebook or tag him in things. And we are in a relationship on facebook. Also, on DA, I write on his wall for our monthly anniversaries, and he does the same to me. I write it on DA rather than facebook, because he is more active on DA. Sometimes I'll even write on his wall randomly. If you try to post things on the profile of your "guy" and he either outright deletes it or tells you not to post personal shit because he doesn't want people to read it or know that he's talking to you, that's a red flag. Or if he won't let you tag photos of him when you spent time together, or if he's not posting photos of you two together, that's not a good sign either. If he doesn't talk about you at all to anyone in his life, that's not good. James hasn't told his father about me, because his father is more judgmental and strict in that way, so James is nervous to tell him because he knows his dad would think it's crazy and stupid. He will probably tell him once he moves, and before he comes up to see me. His mom and best friend know about me, and I'm sure probably his other friends know. Well, everyone in my life knows about him, since my parents aren't too strict with this kind of thing. Most of my friends were supportive. My family was weird at first but now they're used to it. They just hope he sees me soon, and they're worried about him hurting me.
Anyway, it's 3am again so I think I'm going to fall asleep soon. Hope this was somewhat helpful to some people who are just starting an LDR, or even to people who've been in one for a while.
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