LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Nine

When's the next time you'll see him?

There's only 66 days left and I can't wait. When we meet, it'll be our 7 month anniversary, so we can celebrate at least one monthly anniversary together before we get to our one year. He wants to celebrate the one year together too, so I hope we can do that. That will be on October 7, 2014.

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Eight

What would you do if you could have them with you physically for the next five hours?

We'd probably spend time cuddling and talking for the first hour, then go for a walk for another hour. After that, we'd get ready and have a dinner date, which would take about a couple of hours, then go to play pool or bowling for the last hour. If only I could have him with me right now, but alas, still 67 days to go, and tomorrow is the last day of February. Our five month anniversary is a week from tomorrow <3

Our First Meeting is Soon

It'll be mine and James' five month anniversary a week from tomorrow (Friday). I know five months isn't a long time technically, but I'm just surprised at how well things have been going with him. Honestly even though we haven't met in person yet, he's treated me better than any guy I've dated here. It's so nice to be with someone that I can fully be myself around. Plus he makes sacrifices for me, like calling out of work to spend special days talking to me, or getting people to switch with him so he doesn't have to do night shifts (night shifts mean we can't see each other on skype and we can only talk for a couple of hours in the morning before he leaves for work). But I know that'll change when he moves, because he'll have more freedom and we'll be able to go on skype whenever.

It's pretty much the end of February already, and that's crazy. One more day in the month to go and then it's March. And then another week and it's March 7th, and then that means only two months left until I meet him in person. It physically feels like it's going by fast, but mentally it feels like it takes forever. I don't have a job, so waiting all day to talk to him is pretty boring and annoying. But then when he comes online I get a warm feeling in my chest, that I finally get to talk to him again after those hours of waiting.

I have the feeling that our first meeting will be like that, meaning I'll be waiting and anxious the whole time he's coming here. I'm going to be freaking out of course, and so will he. But he'll be leaving on May 6 to begin the drive here, and he'll drive the 6 hours from Massachusetts to Woodstock NB. Then he'll stay at a hotel for the night there to rest up, and finish the next 4 hours from Woodstock to my place. I don't want him to drive 10 hours straight, because that's dangerous and I've driven 24 hours straight with my mom and sister, that was not fun at all, with getting little cat naps here and there. But at least he'll have a full night's rest so hopefully he won't be exhausted when he gets here. That's, if he can get any sleep that night :P I know I won't be lol. I'll look forward to our last skype call before we meet in person, and he'll be going on skype when he is in the hotel to talk to me of course. But I'll probably be awake all night, and I'll be the one exhausted the next day when he gets here.

Well, I think that's all for now, I'm just so excited to meet him and getting anxious too. I hope things work out and I'll get to have him in my arms in 68 days.

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Seven

If money weren't an issue, what gifts would you get for them?

So yeah, pretty much what that says. Also, only three days of this challenge left, I'm surprised I've gotten through it all but it's helped me to pass some time. Although it probably annoyed the crap out of anyone who reads this blog, so, sorry.

Being Emotional Around Each Other

Can I just say how much I love him?

I love that I'm able to fully be myself, even emotionally, around James, and that I don't have to fake being happy when I'm really feeling upset or hurt. Faking emotions is the worst. It's also frustrating when you just want someone to talk to/hang out with and people keep brushing you off, yet you see them hanging out with other people. I'm also selective on who I talk to about certain things. James (and my best friend) are the only ones I open up fully to about everything and they won't judge me or talk down to me.

Tonight I was feeling down, upset and hurt, and even cried a little while on skype with James. Honestly, it's like we're hanging out in person. Being in an LDR isn't all butterflies and flowers and happy times on skype. Just as if we were in person, we can be emotional around each other, or be in a grumpy mood, or just have a blah day. James has been in grumpy moods while on skype with me, although he wasn't grumpy at me, just had a bad day or wasn't feeling well.

I didn't take any skype photos tonight because well obviously I was emotional and just not in the mood for smiley times. He didn't just brush over my moods, he talked to me about what was bothering me and I love that I'm able to open up to him about anything. It helps that he's been through a lot of the same things that I have, so he can relate and knows the feeling of being hurt, abandoned, betrayed, etc.

Tonight I'm in a weird mood, I feel weighed down and like I don't matter to anyone anymore. But as James said, we have each other, and that's all that matters. Fuck people who don't care. When I'm with him, I won't even think about anyone else. We can heal together and just forget the world.

As the time gets closer, I'm getting more anxious, nervous, excited, I'm sure other people in LDRs have felt the same. I do know I really can't wait to finally be with him, seven months is a long haul, and now May 7th doesn't seem that far off. Only 69 more days to go until I meet my soulmate in person for the first time <3

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Six

The sweetest thing he's done for you:

I'm so lucky that I finally found someone who does believe in me, and won't give up on me, us or the distance. All I've had most of my life and through my depression was people telling me they couldn't handle it, tell me not to talk about it with them anymore or just walk out of my life entirely, and that includes friends. I've had some guys I've dated pretty much tell me straight up that they prefer to be with someone who is happier and confident, and you can imagine how that made me feel - even worse. It also sucks when you try to talk about your problems with someone and they brush it off only to talk about their own problems.

I love that James fully accepts everything I am even if I can be a pain sometimes, and I know it. I also accept everything that he is, even his odd quirks. That doesn't matter to me, I still love him and I thank God everyday that James commented on that photo of mine or else we would never have met. It's strange how fate works.

James said there was a lot of signs pointing to him meeting someone in a different country (probably Canada) and I wasn't having any luck with guys here wanting to be with me. He'd pretty much given up on the girls in New York as well. It was just the right time for us to meet I guess, and when we get past this first seven months before we finally meet in person, I'm sure we'll be able to overcome anything <3

Ranty Blog Post >:(

Here are some questions I've been asked, or statements that have been made about me being with James:

1) "You've never met him, how do you know you're in love with him"
2) "How do you know what he will be like in person and if you'll still like him after seeing him?"
3) "LDRs don't work in the long run, especially if you haven't met in person before starting the LDR"
4) "You'll get tired of spending so much money just to see him, he'll get tired of spending money to see you"
5) "So you can't just find someone in your own town to date?"
6) "He's going to get bored and cheat on you, or you'll get bored and want to date other people closer to you."
7) "You won't make it to the first meeting"
8) "It'll be harder to plan for the future if he's in a different country"
9) "So much stress, is it worth the wait?"
10) "My LDR is better/harder/more complicated than yours"
11) "What if he cancels the meeting at the last minute and/or turns out to be a fraud"

Here's what I have to say to that:

1) We go on skype every night, so it's pretty much like hanging out in person. I shouldn't have to explain how I know I'm in love with him. So what if we haven't met in person? I think it's crazy when people who've met each other in person start saying "I love you" after a week. So it's not only people in LDRs who are crazy.
2) I don't know, but I can assume it'll pretty much be exactly like how he is on skype. And I guess I'll have to wait and see, won't I?
3) Yes they do, there's proof, people have gotten married from meeting on the internet and living long distance, only to move in together when the time was right. It's definitely real and possible.
4) No we won't. We both really want this, and so the money doesn't matter to us. My only worry is where my income will come from, since I don't have a job yet.
5) Tried that. Also, what difference does it make? You could meet a person in your own town who turns out to be a total douchebag, as I have, so it doesn't matter. On James' side, he hates the girls in New York because they are snobby and shallow and downright mean to him. No one bothered to take the time to get to know him as I have.
6) Zero chance of that happening on both our parts. The reason I am so certain of that is kinda personal. Plus, I trust him, and also, I've gone almost 5 months without having sex and I am not bored. I'd rather wait for him than ruin things with a stupid one night stand.
7) Lol, it's been almost 5 months and now we're in the home stretch, I think we're getting there.
8) Yeah that might be true, one of us will have to sacrifice things to be with the other, but we'll worry when the time comes, and I'm sure we'll find a way if we both really want it.
9) Definitely a lot of stress from missing them and anxiety about meeting someone for the first time after  months of being in an online relationship, but it's so worth it <3
10) Stop comparing relationships. Each relationship is different, LDR or not, so just because someone lives closer to their partner doesn't make it easier, or someone lives farther away doesn't make it harder. You're all in your own situations so deal with your own and don't worry about what other LDRs are doing or if they're judging you.
11) I've actually thought about that and worried about that a lot. James assures me that he won't cancel on me and he's saying how he's excited to meet me and my family, and come up here, so I guess I will have to see and get back to you on that one. Also, if he's a fraud then he is a very good liar. And I haven't seen any red flags from him yet to indicate that he is a fraud, and I'm good at spotting red flags from experience.

There you have it. I'm in kind of a ranty mood and just wanted to vent some things. I feel better now except I got a headache >.<

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Five

Something about them that pisses you off:

So, the photo pretty much says it all. Nothing about him really pisses me off too much, which is good. If you're fighting all the time in a relationship, that is not a good sign.

Trust

Trusting someone who lives in the same city as you can be difficult, let alone someone who is a few states/provinces/countries away. With LDRs and any other relationships you obviously have to trust the person or they'll get annoyed of you constantly assuming/accusing that they're going out and doing things that you don't approve of behind your back.

Imagine if you're in your partner's shoes. (I'm doing this from an LDR point of view because that's what this blog is focused on but it can apply to other relationships as well) You come home about an hour late from work because they kept you late and you got stuck in traffic. The logical (and true) explanation. You get online eager to talk to your partner, only to have them jump at you and say that you've been flirting with a co-worker, hanging out with others after work so that's why you're late, or maybe even having an affair or you found someone you like better. That's not something you really want to hear after a long day and it pushes your buttons every time they accuse you.

Alright, I'll admit I get jealous/worried/paranoid when James is late. I'm sure those thoughts cross every girl's (or even guy's) mind as they're waiting for their partner to come online. Most of it stems from being unable to trust guys in the past. I've dated guys who lied to me about everything, so I could not trust a thing that came out of their mouths by the end of it. I know, I've said I shouldn't let the past ruin what could possibly be my best relationship ever, but when I was with those other guys I never knew what the truth was, unless they admitted to doing something stupid/bad. There was always red flags with them, one of them cheated on me with online partners (and lied about it/made excuses until after we broke up, even though I already knew the truth, he just wouldn't admit it) and another probably physically cheated on me for all I know, still haven't confirmed that but I'm 99% sure he did.

James has not given me any red flags or any reason to doubt him, which is amazing considering he lives in a different country. So why should I let those idiots in my past cause me to doubt him as well? One thing to do, is if you're worried (or only think you're worried) about your partner doing something behind you're back, confront them but don't accuse them. If something is bothering you, just ask. If they're an honest person and you know they're honest, they'll tell you.

For example, you should say "babe, I saw this girl keeps writing comments on your photos, and she lives in your country, what's up with her" instead of "OMG you're cheating on me with that girl or you found one in your country you like better". An honest answer is "she's just a person I knew in high school who comments on my photos, I don't even talk to her or anything, it's not a big deal and if I wanted someone else I would have told you by now". A red flag answer is if you notice your man writing back to the girl and obviously being flattered by her attention, then he denies that he has anything to do with her or even denies that he knows her. Or if something just doesn't add up with his answer. Like, "I don't even know that girl, she just randomly added me, don't worry about it babe, and I was just being polite when I responded to her". I mean, if the guy is lying to you, you should be able to pick it up in his answers unless they are a really good liar and chances are you wouldn't find out until you caught them physically cheating, or cheating online which is just the same as physical cheating.

If you realize sooner or later that you just can't trust them no matter what they say or do, or what excuses they make, chances are they really are doing something, and you should check it out further. Otherwise, if you're satisfied with the answer they give you, then just leave it at that and everything should be fine. Don't drill them to the point that it becomes an argument and you start fighting over nothing. This also goes for girls. I mean, girls do cheat too, I'm not saying it's just the guys who cheat. If you're a mature guy you'll confront her instead of accuse her.

James has told me that if anything is bothering me, just talk to him but don't accuse him anymore. Accusing is the worst thing you could do and it makes your partner (if they're honest and not doing anything wrong) feel like you don't trust them. Trust is definitely a big part in any relationship, and being in an LDR you often worry that they'll find someone who lives closer to them. But, if they really love you and want things to work, they won't stray and will remain loyal to you. LDRs do work, you just have to believe in your partner and yourself, believe that you are good enough for them. If you find out they have been doing things behind your back, then that does hurt, but you really shouldn't try to make a relationship like that work because you could be missing out on meeting a really great person otherwise. And dating someone who you find hard to trust is really not healthy.

Well, there's only 70 days to go until I meet him for the first time. I'm getting excited and can't wait <3

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Four

Describe his physical appearance, as well as personal and emotional traits.

Both of us being introverts is really a good thing for me, because we have the same mindsets on a lot of things, so far there's only been very few things we disagree on. People say "opposites attract" but I really don't believe that. I mean, I guess they can, but in my opinion it would be annoying to be with someone who constantly disagrees with you, or you have a big difference such as they're a vegan and you're not, or you have too many differences where you can't find an in between to compromise. Even if me and James have slightly different music tastes, we'll open up and listen to each other's music, some of his I do like and some of mine he likes. It's not like he said "omg I hate heavy metal music don't listen to that crap around me" etc.

Also he said when he gets his own place he wants a cat and a dog, and I'm like well if I'm going to live with you someday I don't want a dog. So I guess we'll wait and see what happens there since that's too far in the future to predict obviously. Maybe I can talk him out of getting a dog, or I'll let him get one so long as it's not a barking, jumping, annoying one. Who knows. But at least he likes cats too, so that's a plus. He just likes all animals in general. Good for me, since when I get my own place I want a bunny and a cat. Like I said, I guess we'll have to compromise with the dog thing once the time comes.

Other than those few differences that we can compromise with, our mindsets, hobbies, and interests are pretty much the same. I like that he has an old soul, that he listens to oldies instead of shitty club music, and we have a lot that we can talk about so we never get bored while we're talking with each other. That's why I can't wait to meet him in person, because I know that we'll be able to talk each other's ears off, even if we're quiet around most other people. Of course I might be a bit shy and nervous at first but it won't take me long to really warm up to him.

But I also like that he knows when to be serious when I'm in a pissy/depressed mood, and not try to joke around to cheer me up like some people would. I find extroverts don't know how to deal with depressed people, so they get weirded out being around us, and that's another reason that I'm glad James is an introvert so he knows how to deal with my depression and quietness. Plus he's been through depression as well, so he understands which is nice. Nothing worse than trying to talk to an overly cheerful person who's never been depressed, about being depressed. They just don't get it.

So that was a bit of a longer entry than normal, but there you have an idea of how our personalities are as well as you know what he looks like. By the way, I think he's cute in his appearance, even if a lot of people wouldn't. He's told me that the girls in New York just immediately judge his appearance and don't even get to know him, so he was happy that I got to know him and wanted to take things this far.

Only 71 days left, I'm getting excited and nervous. I hope that everything falls into place on his part so that we can actually meet on May 7 like we had planned. He said he'll make sure it does. So I just have to trust him.

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Three

Do you have a song, if so what is it?

Basically, the song makes me think of how we're both broken and hurt from things that have happened to us in the past, and that with each other, we can heal and learn to love again, and be free from from those memories that still haunt us. I'd love for my past to be able to stop affecting my relationship now, because one terrible night I almost let it. So I know that we can heal and grow with each other, and we'll always be supporting each other no matter what we go through when dealing with our past as well as any present problems that we might face.

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-Two

Share something cute:

It's cute when he writes stuff like this to me, and sends me cute, romantic songs. I can't wait until we are able to spend our first Valentine's Day together as well as other holidays <3

LDR Challenge Day Twenty-One

Give an insight to your sex life, as much as you're willing to share:

Yeah, this is kinda personal so I don't want to say too much other than we write "sexy" notes to each other and I'm gladly waiting the 7 months without sex.

LDR Challenge Day Twenty

Is there anything in the relationship or that you've done that you regret?

It's hard to let the past go in some cases, and even harder to not let it affect your current relationship. I just hope that I can keep telling myself that I am good enough for him, that he wants me and no one else. He's not like those other assholes, he's different, and I definitely know that he's my soulmate. I love him, I know he loves me and I deserve to be happy.

LDR Challenge Day Nineteen

What's your favourite thing to hear them say?

My favourite thing to hear him say is "fuck the distance" because it shows that he's willing to put all the effort and time into a long distance relationship just to be with me. I love that he accepts me fully and still wants to be with me despite the obstacles we have to overcome. 

LDR Challenge Day Eighteen

A photo of us together:

We haven't met yet, so this is the closest I can get.

LDR Challenge Day Seventeen

What's your favourite love quote?

James really has saved me, in more ways than one. Saved me from myself, saved me from thinking that I was going to be alone forever. And, like it says in the photo, he's made me realize that someone can love me for who I am. I love him for everything he is, and he loves me for everything I am. Sure, I may be insecure at times and think that I don't deserve his love, but in my heart I know I deserve it because I've been hurt enough times that I need someone to love me, be with me through hard times, and most of all not be an asshole lol. Even if I get in my weird moods sometimes, that happens to everyone, even he has his moods, but that doesn't make me love him any less, and I'm pretty sure he feels the same way, even when I'm in my moods. So there you have it.

Dealing With Jealousy

So, tomorrow James is going to the movies in New Jersey with his best friend...and I'll be here alone all day, waiting for him to come back, as usual.

I know he hasn't hung out with him since like October when we first got together, so it was about time plus he'd wanna see him before James goes to Massachusetts, but still. At first it kind of feels like "oh you'd rather go hang out with them than talk to me on your day off" and I have no idea how long he'll be gone for but I'm guessing most of the day if he's going to New Jersey. But at the same time I don't want to be that possessive girlfriend and make him feel bad for hanging out with his friend.

I guess it's because I'm alone most of the time, and whenever I ask my friends to hang out, they're always busy, yet any other time they're "bored" and they don't ask me to hang out. Sigh. I'll hopefully see my best friend on March break again after not having properly hung out with him for 5 months. But then when James gets to go out and do something fun without me, I just feel a pang of jealousy because I wish I was there. I know it's good to have friends outside of your relationship, especially in an LDR because then you're not totally alone while you're away from them.

I should be glad his best friend isn't a girl, which I am. I mean, that's a double standard, since my best friend is a guy. But again, it's kinda different because there is no chance with me and my best friend since he's Indian, so James doesn't have anything to worry about. But if James' best friend was a girl, I'd be a hell of a lot more worried.

LDR relationships require a lot of trust, and an extreme amount of patience. Even though the days are winding down, it still feels like it's dragging on, and then when he goes out to do stuff and isn't talking to me it feels like he's even farther away from me. I guess that's another reason that I'm jealous of him going out tomorrow. Plus we don't get a whole lot of time to talk if you think about it. I mean, when he's at work during the day, he sometimes doesn't get home until after 9 pm my time, then he goes and has a shower about an hour later, and after the shower we get another hour or so to talk. So sometimes we only get to talk for three hours a night, which is not fun at all. To me it doesn't feel like enough time. Especially after waiting all that empty day.

I wasn't in the best of moods tonight, and I often keep thinking that James deserves someone better than me. I don't want to make any stupid decisions because of my insecurities, because I know I'd be making the wrong choice in leaving him. He told me that he's here to help me and I believe that, because without him I'd feel even more alone in that no one will love me for who I am. I'm still not even back to my normal self and I'm not sure I want to see him on skype tonight which is odd because I always want to see him. I'm not feeling well physically and mentally I guess, and I just don't want him to see me because I look like crap.

Anyway, I know I don't have to worry about James wandering or finding someone else, and yet I still do. But he keeps to himself, he's an introvert like me so he doesn't like to be social except with people who are close to him. It's mostly my own insecurities that make me worry, it's not that I don't trust him because I do. I just have to make myself better and force myself not to feel jealous even when I want to. Well, I know I'll feel it, but even when I do I shouldn't act on it. I shouldn't make him feel bad for wanting to hang out with his best friend. I don't want to be that kind of girlfriend.

Well, I guess that's all I'm going to say for now. I'm in an off mood tonight, and not feeling well like I said. Still waiting for James to get back from his shower.

Recap of This Week

This week went by really fast. Yesterday was Valentine's Day and now that's over already. James wrote a really sweet message on my DA wall and sent me a cute romantic song:


Happy Valentines Day!  

I can't describe how happy and honored I am to be your Valentine  I know we are not together today, but our spirits are always with each other, and soon, we will really get to celebrate Valentine's day   I am really looking forward to seeing you on cam later 

Once we are together, we really should troll those people that go crazy on Valentine's day  

I love you Alicia         

And here's a song for you   

Jame's Valentine's Song to Me


He also took the day off to talk to me, and be able to see me at night (since originally he'd worked closing but he called out) but the stupid internet did not want to work properly which was really frustrating. At least I was able to see him on Skype, even if not for an hour like he had hoped since we had to mess around with Skype for a while to get it to work finally :(

So basically it was a shitty day for us when we just wanted to talk to each other but couldn't, or at least barely. The internet kept going off all day due to the storm, and when I tried to talk to him on Facebook on my phone since we don't have texting yet, the signal kept going all weird and it wasn't as stable as it normally is -_- so it was a very frustrating day with technology. Of course now everything's working perfectly, when I won't get to talk to him until this evening :(

Monday I met with my teacher to discuss novels and publishing, Wednesday I had that dentists appointment that didn't go as horribly as I thought it would (since I hate dentists in general but yay no more cavities) and of course yesterday was Valentine's Day. There's always a feeling of sadness when a holiday or other exciting time is over, or at least some emptiness. I guess because you're looking forward to it for so long and then it's over. I wasn't looking that forward to Valentine's Day, but it still feels odd. The only holiday I don't bother to celebrate at all is St. Patrick's Day or Halloween, although I would dress up for Halloween if I had the money to do so. Since I'm not Irish I don't bother with St. Patrick's Day and also I don't like to get wasted, so yeah.

Yesterday I baked Valentine's Day cupcakes that came out looking like this:

And they taste yummy, there's still some left. Here's a vlog that I made from yesterday showing well, what I did. Valentine's Day Vlog

I guess that's about all I have to say for now. So, hope everyone had a good week/Valentine's Day, and the next holiday I look forward to (for me at least) is Easter :) And once Easter is here, that means it'll be like a couple weeks before James comes since Easter is on April 20 this year and I'll be meeting him on May 7...that'll be so exciting.

I'm sure the next few months will go by quickly.

LDR Challenge Day Sixteen

What is your favourite love movie?

Yeah, the picture pretty much says it all.

LDR Challenge Day Fifteen

What is your favourite love song?

Whenever I play this song I think of James. He really is my everything, he's the one who made me believe that someone could finally love me for who I am. I'm so glad that our paths have crossed and we can move forward into our futures and our destiny together. I can't wait to be with him for the rest of my life <3

Planning The Trip

So, your partner is coming in ____ days (for me it's 82). Hopefully you have a list of some ideas of what to do when they're here. If not, here are a few (I plan on doing as many of these with James as I can):

- go to museums (if you're into that kind of thing like we are lol)
- go for walks around the country/city/whatever your setting
- go for drives
- go shopping
- plan a romantic surprise you know they'll like
- take them to a natural phenomenon (IE in New Brunswick they have the Hopewell Rocks, aka highest tides in the world, or here in Truro we have the tidal bore)
- go dancing (whether in a club or even your own home)
- bowling
- play pool
- play fun video games like Mariokart, Just Dance, etc
- play board or card games
- go to amusement or nature parks
- take them to historic sites (such as forts or monuments) if you're into that kind of thing
- play mini golf
- go to restaurants
- go on picnics
- go to the beach
- go swimming/ice skating depending on the time of year
- stay the night in a hotel and have some private romantic time to yourselves
- hang out with your/their friends
- go to a concert or outdoor event

Whatever the activities that you pick, I'm sure you and your partner will have a great time. I was (and still am) worried about money since I don't have a job, and James told me not to worry about the money, that he's sure the whole week with me will be magical. In case we do end up on a slim budget, the main thing I want to do with him is take him to Lunenburg, stay the night there in a hotel and go on the sunset sailing tour which I think would be very romantic. He's also up for that idea.

In case you don't know, Lunenburg is a very historic seaside town that has a lot of cool attractions and things to do there. It's my favourite town in all of Nova Scotia to be honest. It's about 2.5 hours drive from here (Truro). If I could pick any town in Nova Scotia to retire in it would be there.

And, like I said, if you are on a slim budget and can't go out and do a bunch of things, just pick one or two main things that you really MUST do with them while they're here. Most of the stuff I've picked to do with James is just time-killer, so it's not something that I think he needs to go do or see. But there are a few things that I really hope to do with him while he's here, such as the Lunenburg thing.

Your partner has paid a lot of money and gone through a lot of effort just to meet you. Make their time with you unforgettable and make them realize you are worth it. Although I'm sure they've already figured that out ;)

LDR Challenge Day Fourteen

Describe a moment you had with him/her last time you were together. (If you haven’t met, describe how the perfect moment would be):

Well, other than the actual meeting itself, the perfect moment would be if we could go dancing in the moonlight as he wants to do. It would be romantic, just the two of us, away from the world and everyone else. Plus it's something I've never done before, and neither has he. I hope we can go through with it. We're both kind of old-fashioned so we prefer old-fashioned fun to the new idea of "fun" (going to clubs, getting wasted, etc).

LDR Challenge Day Thirteen

What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?

As the photo says, it's really hard when you're not feeling well and you just want a hug, and you can't because well...obvious reasons. Or if you're really upset and need a hug/comfort and they aren't there. Especially when you're not talking to them, that's when they feel even farther away. It's like an empty feeling in my heart, at least until I finally get to talk to him again (tonight). By the way, I live in Truro, but I made the distance to Halifax in case I happen to get a job in Halifax before he comes.

Another thing that is hard, is when 95% of your thoughts consist of the day that you meet, how it'll feel to hold them, hug them, kiss them for the first time. I'll admit that does cause me to lose sleep a lot of nights.

It's only 83 days now <3 I am so excited. On the day he finally comes I'll be the happiest girl ever. I know I won't be able to sleep the night before, too many butterflies. Even now, thinking about it makes my stomach flutter. I never get this excited, except before Simple Plan concerts ;P (Simple Plan is my favourite band)

LDR Challenge Day Twelve

How would you define love?

Pretty much what the photo says. To me, love is when you accept someone fully, even their quirks or baggage (within reason). I mean, you wouldn't want to stay with someone who is abusive of course. But don't run away from someone just because they might be sad one day or in a weird mood and you don't know why.

I haven't had many people fight to keep me...except for this one (James). So it's nice to finally feel accepted for who I am, even with my depression. I've had people walk out on me as I'm trying to talk to them, only to have them come back later and go on about their own problems. Now...I can talk to James about anything and he won't judge me or get pissed off and walk out.

So, if you love someone enough, you'll overcome all boundaries and odds to be with them. If you don't, it'll never work out in the long run.

LDR Challenge Day Eleven

Pick one thing you miss and describe it in detail:

This one was kind of tricky for me as we haven't met yet, but I just miss him in general right now. He's at work and I won't be able to talk to him until this evening as usual. I miss him everyday, and it's hard, but I know the wait will be worth it so we can finally end up like the couple in this photo.

LDR Challenge Day Ten

What's your favourite thing about him/her?:

I just love his cute smile and his laugh, something about it warms my heart even when I'm having the worst day of my life. I really can't wait to hear his laugh in person, to kiss him and hug him and have him be able to hold me when I'm down. I know that when he's finally here, I'll feel pure joy and that's something I haven't felt in a long time.

"Open when..." Letters

These are an idea of something home made, fun and from the heart that you can do for your long distance partner. It'll make them happy to know that you put the time, thought and effort into these just for them. I got the idea from reading twitter and other blog posts online, so I don't own this idea, I just thought I would share my own with you.

Here's a photo of mine (sorry it's bad quality, taken with my phone):

The topics I used are:

Open when...
- Open first (the very first letter explaining what to do with the rest of the envelopes)
- it's your first night without me (as in, the first night without me after he leaves to go back home from his trip here)
- you are having a rough day
- you need a good laugh
- you are horny
- you need my love
- you miss me
- you are happy
- you can't sleep
- you are bored

I think this envelope is my favourite, it's in my two favourite colours (green and orange) and it just looks cheerful.

I know he will enjoy these letters, he said he loves homemade gifts, as well as letters written by hand. Plus it'll give him something to look forward to, in between now and when he gets here...that's if I send them to him, I might just give them to him when he's here. If I do give them to him when he's here, it'll give him something to look forward to when he's apart from me again.

I'm not a very creative person with hands on things, so mine aren't the greatest looking out there, but I like them. So, this is just one of the many ideas of romantic and cute things you can do for your LDR partner. Whether it be a gift for a holiday such as Valentine's Day, an anniversary, or just a random gift, they will appreciate the thought, time and effort you put into these.

LDR Challenge Day Nine

Favourite thing she/he has gotten for you?

He was walking home from work one day and went a different route than normal, and saw this store with the skirts in the window. So he went in and got them for me. I'm around a size 5 - 7 in pants and the skirts are a size 6 and 8 and hopefully they should fit. He'll send them to me once he moves so that I can try them on. 

LDR Challenge Day Eight

What's your favourite thing you got for him/her?

As stated in the photo, we haven't sent each other anything yet but we will be able to once he moves. My favourite thing I got him is a 1958 Chev Impala car keychain, that looks pretty much like the car in the photo above, same colour too. James loves classic cars, so I know he'll love this once I give it to him.

My second favourite thing I got him is white hot chocolate from Second Cup. It's Canadian made and we both prefer white chocolate in general to normal chocolate.

Four Month Anniversary

Did you ever feel totally alone, like no one cares, like nothing will ever go your way and your life will always be hopeless?

That's how I felt yesterday. So depressed, and I really am depressed because of not having a job. It seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing goes my way and I always get the short end of the stick. I don't have a horrible life...I mean my family and friends and relationship life is great. It's just that not having a job is eating at me and I'm feeling helpless. I don't even know what to do with my life anymore.

It's also hard when everyone around me gets to have what I want. One of my friends is in New York right now and was in Brooklyn the other day. Any LDR couple I've met online has already met their partners. People who aren't in LDRs get to be with their boyfriends whenever they want. My best friend got a car the other day. And just yesterday I heard on the news that an 11 year old girl who lives in New Brunswick is getting her first novel published, and only had to pitch it out 4 times before getting a bite (one of my dreams is to be a published author and I wrote a novel too). It's like all of this just keeps coming at me and I feel like I won't ever be the lucky one.

Then I talked to James, and of course I opened up about what was wrong with me. After that, we went back to talking about the normal things and my mood finally began to lift. I felt back to normal again and could talk to him on webcam without crying. Of course he made me smile and laugh as always. He even makes me smile just by thinking of him. I love him so much. I know it'll be amazing when we finally meet in person which is just THREE MONTHS from this day exactly <3

Today (February 7th) is our four month anniversary. Four amazing months, even though we have not met in person, hugged or kissed, I am in love and I don't care who calls me crazy or doubts me. It is really hard each day that passes that I don't get to hug him, kiss him or spend time with him. I know if we were in person, we'd be going out tomorrow after he gets off work. That part is hard to deal with, but we have to suck it up and we'll spend our seven month anniversary together.

I know we can do it <3

LDR Challenge Day Seven

How do you communicate with each other?

We have four places that we communicate with each other online: Skype (obviously), Facebook, DeviantArt (the website we met on) and ooVoo. We mostly just use ooVoo for chatting, then go on Skype for video. We use Facebook and DeviantArt for the times that one of us may not be online. Or he'll come on Facebook so that I can chat to him on my phone as we don't have international texting yet. Hopefully once he moves he'll get his own phone so we can get the texting and not have to rely on computers, and then we can talk more often as well. 

Somedays though, he works night shifts, and those days are hard because I end up going 24 hours or more without talking to him. At least he talks to me in the morning before he goes to work on those days, but it's still hard, all that time without him. He does try his hardest to avoid getting night shifts by switching with people just so he can talk to me and see me. He said that seeing me at night completes his day and he feels lost when he doesn't get to because he works. It's the same with me and I'm happy that he will go to those lengths just for me :) It shows that he is willing to make sacrifices after all. 

88 days <3 

LDR Challenge Day Six

What is the most random thing you know about him/her? and viceversa:

The most random thing I know about him is that James' collarbone is messed up from birth. I forget what exactly he told me it is, but he did show me and it looks slightly different from his other collarbone.

The most random thing he knows about me is that my shoulderblade is attached to my spine from birth. It's a rare condition but I don't know the name of it and my mom forgets. You don't notice it that much unless I point it out to you, and then if I let you touch both of my shoulders at once you'll definitely feel the difference. It doesn't hurt me or bother me or stop me from doing things. Sometimes I'll get a few pains here and there like tingly pains in it but it goes away and doesn't happen too often. It'll also get a bit tingly after a lot of physical activity especially heavy lifting. It doesn't feel odd to me, it's part of who I am, so it's what I'm used to. Having two normal shoulderblades? I don't know what that feels like. My right one is normal...but my left one is the messed up one.

LDR Challenge Day five

Since when have we been together:

That photo pretty much sums it up. We haven't stopped talking, gotten tired of each other or taken a break. We're still going very strong and I don't see it ending anytime soon. You might be thinking "oh you've only been together for 4 months" yeah so? During those 4 months we have shown each other our true colours and neither of us has run. He seems pretty determined and stubborn to stay with me which is nice instead of having someone who runs at the first sign of trouble or baggage.

I know our love will conquer the distance. I don't care about people who think it's stupid or call me crazy. Most of my friends and family are supportive now although some still may be wary that he could hurt me, which is understandable. I'm a bit wary of that myself. But I really don't think so. I'm the first girl who's ever loved him for who he is and he wouldn't screw up a chance like this. At least, if he was smart, which he is very smart and mature. Well, of course we get a bit crazy and goofy at times. But everyone does. Although I'm the only person who gets to see that side of him since he's normally stoic and reserved around others.

So, there you have it.

It's So Surreal

After watching these LDR videos all night (and well into the morning, it's 4 am now, oops LOL YOLO, ok I don't say YOLO but anyways), I was thinking that it's so weird to me that I'm in an LDR too. I met someone in a different country who is willing to overcome this distance and fight to be with me. Like...it's happening to me. And here I thought I was going to end up single forever.

I guess for a few seconds I looked at my relationship as if it was happening to someone else. Like, that person is not me. It's like I'm looking at someone else's profile seeing how happy they are with their LDR and how they can't wait to meet their partner. I just had a surreal moment. Almost an out of body experience, if you will.

James bought me two kilt skirts tonight on his way home from work when he spotted them in the window of a store. I just thought how it was sweet that he thought of me when he saw them, and he showed them to me on skype tonight and I really love them, looking forward to when he sends them to me to try on. It was rare that a guy in my previous relationships ever thought of me like "oh I think Alicia would like that". I always did that for them, but now I'm starting to feel like this is real and he thinks of me and I just ugh. Too many emotions for this time of night (day?).

I think him showing me the skirts (I know he's bought me other things too but I haven't seen them yet) just kind of got me and I had a moment although it was a delayed moment since I had it a few hours after he showed me. Plus watching those damn videos that are so addicting even though I've seen a lot of them already. I feel almost like I'm watching this happen to someone else and that it's not happening to me even though it obviously is.

Ok, that was probably a mess and made no sense but it is past 4am and I'm in "derp" mode now (as James would say) so forgive me. And I am going to try and sleep now. James has tomorrow and Wednesday off so that makes me happy, two almost full days of talking to him other than when he is gone out with his dad.

I'm so damn happy it's like an alien feeling. The aliens ...it's always the aliens.

LDR Challenge Day Four

Day Four: How we met

Well, here's a photo to sum it up but the real answer is in my very first blog post.

Here's the link to the blog post so I don't have to type out the story again:

http://mylongdistancerelationshipaandj.blogspot.ca/2014/01/about-us-and-how-we-met.html

And that is how we met. It was definitely by fate and I know he was put in my life for a reason. He clicked and commented on my photo that day because he was meant to be with me. He didn't know that one click would change his life forever, and mine as well.

Trouble Sleeping

So, I'm having this slight problem of sleeping.

My sleep schedule's fucked. It's been fucked for a while since I don't have a job so I have no reason to go to sleep early. Unfortunately that also means I end up sleeping until 11am or 12pm. But then I start to think that it doesn't matter, since I don't have anything to look forward to, except talking to James which usually doesn't happen until the evening time anyway. When he has days off I try to wake up a bit earlier so that I can catch him before he goes out to do errands with his dad, which a couple of times I've missed him and that made me sad since I had to wait until later in the afternoon before he came online again.

Right now my eyes and body are tired, but my mind won't shut up. A lot of the thoughts are of James, of course. Most of my thoughts are consumed by how it'll be like when I can finally meet him. How it'll feel like to kiss him, hold him, be with him. What it would be like if he was here right now, holding me as I fell asleep. I'm sure other LDR couples have similar thoughts while they're trying to sleep. At least, before the first time they met.

A lot of it's nerves and anxiety. The nerves being for the actual meeting, of course. Anxiety being if he'll ditch me at the last minute, and this will turn out to be a fraud or not a good relationship. I do know that he's not a fraud and that he won't hurt me, he's just as excited to meet me as I am for him, but the thoughts do cross my mind at times.

I'm also suffering from long time depression and missing him doesn't help. There are times when my sister and her boyfriend are here and I'm the only "single" one in the house since my parents are there too. So it makes me feel bad to see my sister and her bf all up on each other and to think that I still have 92 days before I can even kiss my boyfriend. Plus, all the people on facebook and other social media who get to be with their partners and I'm just like...yup, fun times.

I know the wait will be worth it. I know how satisfying it'll be when I can finally hug and kiss him and spend time with him. Our four months anniversary is on Friday. I honestly can't believe it's been four months already. Five months since I've met him. He's been a huge part of my life since then, and I don't know how I ever lived without him. At least when I was single for ten months before I met him, sleeping came easier lol. It seems even more real now that my parents and sister have begun to accept him as part of our lives...even though he's not here. I guess because I talk about him so much, that he's starting to seem real to them now.

Even though me and James can't spend Valentine's Day together physically, I'm still going to try and do something special for him over skype. I won't be able to mail him anything until March since that's when he's finally going to move to Massachusetts, but for now I can do things on skype for him. And even online, like make a video or something. I'll see. I made him a video for his birthday back in November.

Well, with that being said, I think I'm going to head off and at least try to sleep since my eyelids are pretty heavy now. I really need to fix my sleeping schedule again but it's hard when I'm not doing anything during the day so I don't feel tired early. Sigh.

92 days until May 7th, 2014 <3

LDR 30 Day Challenge Day Three

Day three: your locations:

James was born and grew up in Brooklyn, New York. He's used to the city life, however he always complains about New York and the people in it, and definitely prefers the country. A lot of people would think that because he is from a huge city like New York he'd find the country really boring but that's not true. He's not a party person or a club-going person or shopping person so he doesn't find the city very appealing. Soon he will move to Massachusetts to live with family and be closer to me, and be living in the country. Massachusetts is four hours closer. He may be a city boy on the outside but he's a country boy at heart. 

I was born and grew up in Truro, Nova Scotia, so I'm used to small towns and definitely more of a country girl. So whenever I say James is a country boy and I'm a country girl, we're not talking about the stereotypes. Just that I mean to say that we both prefer the country to the city. Anyway, I've lived in five different places. When I was 8 me and my family left the log house that my parents built that we grew up in, only to move from place to place until we found one to rent. We ended up staying there for 10 years until we finally move here, to this place, and we own it rather than rent. It comes with 300 acres of forest land as well. I have experienced living in a city when I went to college in Dartmouth for two years. In case you didn't know, Dartmouth is next to Halifax which is our capital city. It was a shock to me and I much prefer the quietness of the country. Although living within walking distance of places was nice, I have to admit.

LDR 30 Day Challenge Day Two

Day two - our ages:

James is 26 years old and his birthday is November 14, 1987. I am 25 years old and my birthday is September 28, 1988. He is ten months older than me, so not quite a full year. I know, I don't look 25, I get that so many times. I look about 16. James looks to be in his early 20s. If I didn't know his age, I would have guessed him to be around 21 - 23 or so.