It's the last day of July, and he still doesn't have his passport. Obviously if they told him that it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks he'd either get it the week after next week, or the week after that. If he doesn't get it by the end of August I will be getting very frustrated and upset. His case is past now, it shouldn't cause him anymore trouble. But like I've said, I gave it until the end of September to get here so that gives it a bit more time. I'd just hoped to have him be here by then. By the looks of things, if his passport doesn't get here the week after next week, he could be here around our one year anniversary. That would also be nice, so we could spend our one year anniversary together. And probably have a belated birthday date for me :P
Right now I feel really sick. I have a migraine that is making me feel nauseous. And it just keeps getting worse. I'd hoped to go into town today but if I still feel this crappy later then I probably won't. It sucks because I asked for the car too. It's not like I can't get it another day though. I just wanted to get a couple things in relation to James. But I'm sure they will still be there. It didn't seem like they were selling out too fast. I hope. They were a really good deal so who knows. If not I can probably just find one online...maybe. What they are is solar lights. I already bought 3 online for 3 bucks each. I also bought some ones that look like Christmas tree lights, but they aren't. I have a purpose for them. The one I wanted to get at the store is a mosaic one. If you don't know what those are, type in "mosaic solar lights" and you'll see. At the store I saw them at, they were only 4 bucks so that's why I want to get one there. And worried they might sell a lot of them since they're so cheap. But I'll see.
I just figured they would be more convenient for a nighttime picnic lol. Plus add a little romance, and I just like them because they're pretty. Or they'd be good for anything we want to do at night. We'd probably still do that stuff in October. We'd just have to dress for it cause I'm Canadian and all. We Canadians do crazy stuff. We've had bbqs when it's snowing and campfires during blizzards. I've also eaten ice cream during the winter several times. Winter shouldn't be an "off" season for ice cream. You want an ice cream and it's snowing outside, you go get it gurl (or guy, whoever's reading this).
This migraine seems to be relentless. It started creeping up on me last night and I took some pills early on, hoping it would go away. By the time I fell asleep it was pretty bad and then I woke up during earlier and it was worse then, now it's even worse. Hope I don't get sick. I tried eating a freezie but it didn't seem to help. Usually freezies, popsicles, and ice cream is good for an upset stomach because it's nice and cold and seem to ease the pain sometimes. I guess not in this case. I think the only thing that will help it now is a really strong pill that my mom has - and she's at work. I only take those when nothing else works because they are expensive.
Anyway, mine and James' 10 month anniversary is a week from now. We've been going strong for the past 10 months. We haven't even had a huge fight in that we both wanted to give up on the relationship. We've had arguments, but we get over them quickly. The two of us being introverts helps in that area I think. I've dated extroverts too, and I fought often with them. I also dated an introvert before I dated James, and I didn't fight too much with him either. It's really nice to be with someone (James) who I don't fight with or have to worry about getting mad at me over stupid things that I do. If I can tell he's upset because of something I did, we talk it out and usually we're fine a few minutes later. He's really the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I really want this to work.
Yesterday my mom was saying how all she wants for us (her daughters) is someone who will take care of us and just be there for us. Like my sister for example. She has two jobs, yet her boyfriend who also works (but only during weekdays) comes to see her every weekend and he does special things for her. Plus, he's helping her with the building of the lot of their future home on my dad's property. My mom's known him for quite a while now so she knows he'll be good for her in that way. She was saying how she doesn't know James yet, but he could be that way too, and that's another reason I want him to be here, so that she knows how well he does treat me and how happy I am with him. I know he will put my best interests first. I know he'll take care of me and treat me like how I want to be treated. If we had met in person, we would definitely work out well and my mom could see how awesome he is.
Well, here's to hoping that the weeks we've been waiting for his passport are truly, finally narrowing down. And to hoping that my migraine/stomach ache goes away soon.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Passport News
James went into the passport office again and they told him that it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks if it goes well. That's what I was hoping for. But they also said if things go wrong for some reason, it could be another 5 weeks. I'm thinking that since his case is past now, maybe what they're saying will end up happening and he'll get it in 2 - 3 weeks. I can only hope.
At least they still seem to be on track with it and they didn't tell him there was any complications yet so I'm relieved of that. If he doesn't get it in another two weeks, he'll go back yet again. but I'm really hoping things work out and it arrives on time so that he doesn't have to go back after all.
I'm just tired of all this waiting. The two weeks will go by fast though, so long as they don't screw around with him. It'll be hard to be truly excited about it until he actually gets it in his hands. He could end up being here in October if it gets delayed too much longer. Sigh.
Well, this is what we've got to deal with so far. At least it wasn't terrible news.
At least they still seem to be on track with it and they didn't tell him there was any complications yet so I'm relieved of that. If he doesn't get it in another two weeks, he'll go back yet again. but I'm really hoping things work out and it arrives on time so that he doesn't have to go back after all.
I'm just tired of all this waiting. The two weeks will go by fast though, so long as they don't screw around with him. It'll be hard to be truly excited about it until he actually gets it in his hands. He could end up being here in October if it gets delayed too much longer. Sigh.
Well, this is what we've got to deal with so far. At least it wasn't terrible news.
Monday, July 28, 2014
By Your Side
I wrote this today as just a little random thing to write because I felt like expressing some more of my deeper feelings about this LDR. Hope you enjoy. PS: Please don't steal or copy this without my permission. It's something personal that I wrote. It was a little inspired by the song, "By Your Side" by Faber Drive".
She sat on a chair on the back deck of her grey house, watching the green, lush leaves of the trees dance in the wind, the sounds of them rustling against each other in the breezes soothing her crowded mind. Up above, the sky was darkening with grey clouds, while a few puffy white ones floated by. A bird chirped in a tree somewhere to her right. A particularly strong gust of wind blew her dark brown hair around her face and lifted the pages of the notebook she was writing in.
She stood up off the chair, closing her notebook, and her long, white dress fluttered around her ankles. She walked forward a few steps and rested her arms on the white railings of the deck, leaning against it and gazing at the scenery around her, taking it all in.
This was solitude. Trees in every direction she looked. The only connection to the outside world was the main highway a few hundred yards away. No one was around besides her three cats, as her family was busy going about their lives.
Her thoughts drifted to a certain someone, who had dark brown hair and very intense brown eyes. As images of him made their way across her mind, she smiled.
He was her love. He loved her unconditionally, and she wholeheartedly returned those feelings. Thinking of his smile and laugh melted away her worries, and she knew she was not alone. He was always by her side. She closed her eyes, and it was as if he was standing there beside her, his arms wrapped around her protectively, making her feel safe.
She got caught up in the daydream, so when she opened her eyes reality hit her like a lightning bolt. He wasn't here. She had no idea when he would be. Despite being in a relationship with him for nearly ten months, she had never seen him smile in person or felt his touch.
He was 1400kms away. In a different state, in a different country. There was a border between them. It pained her to think that the only way she could see him or talk to him was through a computer screen.
Her sadness at missing him brought forth a new emotion: determination. No matter how many people ridiculed their relationship, no matter how much longer she had to wait to meet him, she would suffer through the pain of missing him. Because waiting this long for someone who made her feel like no one else has would be worth it when she could finally spend seven glorious days with him physically by her side.
She'd wait. And until then, she could only dream and pray that one day soon they could be together. Their relationship was like a rock: solid, indestructible. Nothing would tear them apart. They were both equally determined to make this work. Because that is what you do when you love someone unconditionally. You make sacrifices in order to be with them.
Until then, she only had her fantasies, dreams, and his spirit surrounding her. She felt him in every step, every breath, surrounding her and shielding her. Closing her eyes again, she could almost feel his lips against hers as he whispered "I love you".
"When you close your eyes, I'm by your side." - By Your Side: Faber Drive
She sat on a chair on the back deck of her grey house, watching the green, lush leaves of the trees dance in the wind, the sounds of them rustling against each other in the breezes soothing her crowded mind. Up above, the sky was darkening with grey clouds, while a few puffy white ones floated by. A bird chirped in a tree somewhere to her right. A particularly strong gust of wind blew her dark brown hair around her face and lifted the pages of the notebook she was writing in.
She stood up off the chair, closing her notebook, and her long, white dress fluttered around her ankles. She walked forward a few steps and rested her arms on the white railings of the deck, leaning against it and gazing at the scenery around her, taking it all in.
This was solitude. Trees in every direction she looked. The only connection to the outside world was the main highway a few hundred yards away. No one was around besides her three cats, as her family was busy going about their lives.
Her thoughts drifted to a certain someone, who had dark brown hair and very intense brown eyes. As images of him made their way across her mind, she smiled.
He was her love. He loved her unconditionally, and she wholeheartedly returned those feelings. Thinking of his smile and laugh melted away her worries, and she knew she was not alone. He was always by her side. She closed her eyes, and it was as if he was standing there beside her, his arms wrapped around her protectively, making her feel safe.
She got caught up in the daydream, so when she opened her eyes reality hit her like a lightning bolt. He wasn't here. She had no idea when he would be. Despite being in a relationship with him for nearly ten months, she had never seen him smile in person or felt his touch.
He was 1400kms away. In a different state, in a different country. There was a border between them. It pained her to think that the only way she could see him or talk to him was through a computer screen.
Her sadness at missing him brought forth a new emotion: determination. No matter how many people ridiculed their relationship, no matter how much longer she had to wait to meet him, she would suffer through the pain of missing him. Because waiting this long for someone who made her feel like no one else has would be worth it when she could finally spend seven glorious days with him physically by her side.
She'd wait. And until then, she could only dream and pray that one day soon they could be together. Their relationship was like a rock: solid, indestructible. Nothing would tear them apart. They were both equally determined to make this work. Because that is what you do when you love someone unconditionally. You make sacrifices in order to be with them.
Until then, she only had her fantasies, dreams, and his spirit surrounding her. She felt him in every step, every breath, surrounding her and shielding her. Closing her eyes again, she could almost feel his lips against hers as he whispered "I love you".
"When you close your eyes, I'm by your side." - By Your Side: Faber Drive
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Soon We'll Know
James did manage to get a weekday off next week, so at last he'll be able to go to the passport office for what will (hopefully) be the final update. That's, if all goes well and they say that they're still on track with his passport and things are looking good.
Unfortunately, however, he closes for 4 days once again - that means another 4 days of not seeing him on skype or talking to him at night. Those nights are tough, and two weeks in a row of 4 closing nights really suck. He complained to his manager last week, and he told me that yesterday he gave his manager hell when they refused to listen to his complaints from last time. It's not fair that he has to close all the time because other people don't want to. Plus they won't let him have a week's vacation this month because they say it's already booked, and yet 3 people go on vacation in a week. That's partly the reason why he's closing so much.
The only consolation is that I get to talk to him in the morning at least, now that I'm not working. It just sucks not seeing him on skype. And what's worse is, on the nights he doesn't close, when skype decides it doesn't want to work for us. That's happened often, and I don't know why. I've gone on skype with other friends and it worked fine with them. But then James has Windows 7 and I have Windows 8 so maybe the upgrades don't work as well, or I don't know. It didn't work well before I got the upgrade either but I figured it was because of my crappy old computer. I just wish I could have Windows 7 on this new computer so that maybe skype would work, but I don't know if that's the problem. Some nights it works fine without any problems. Other nights it just cuts out for no reason and we can't get on for more than 5 seconds. And those nights are frustrating. Especially if it's on a night before he's due to close 3 nights in a row. I've gone almost a week without seeing him on skype, because skype refused to work in between the nights he closed.
I'm just getting a bit anxious again because next week we'll actually know for sure, if things are still going well with his passport. Or if it's all going to be a fail and he has to wait another 6 - 8 weeks or some shit. Plus, if he gets good news next week that it will be ready soon, he'll call his mom and get her to prepare for him to move into her basement apartment.
I'm really hoping for good news. I've given him until the end of September to have his passport in his hand. If that doesn't happen, things might not look good for us. I can't wait around for years and then have nothing happen and my heart be broken because he doesn't show up for some reason. That's one of my bigger fears.
Let's see, I'm worried about a couple things that could go wrong with this passport visit.
1) They could say that it'll take another 6 - 8 weeks due to some complication.
2) They could say they haven't started looking at it or processing it yet.
Of course, the good thing they could say is if it's actually on track and will get to him on the time that they told him it would be ready last time. When he went there almost 3 weeks ago, they told him they'd start looking at it on July 11 and if things go well he'd have it in a month. So, let's pray they are still on track.
Unfortunately, however, he closes for 4 days once again - that means another 4 days of not seeing him on skype or talking to him at night. Those nights are tough, and two weeks in a row of 4 closing nights really suck. He complained to his manager last week, and he told me that yesterday he gave his manager hell when they refused to listen to his complaints from last time. It's not fair that he has to close all the time because other people don't want to. Plus they won't let him have a week's vacation this month because they say it's already booked, and yet 3 people go on vacation in a week. That's partly the reason why he's closing so much.
The only consolation is that I get to talk to him in the morning at least, now that I'm not working. It just sucks not seeing him on skype. And what's worse is, on the nights he doesn't close, when skype decides it doesn't want to work for us. That's happened often, and I don't know why. I've gone on skype with other friends and it worked fine with them. But then James has Windows 7 and I have Windows 8 so maybe the upgrades don't work as well, or I don't know. It didn't work well before I got the upgrade either but I figured it was because of my crappy old computer. I just wish I could have Windows 7 on this new computer so that maybe skype would work, but I don't know if that's the problem. Some nights it works fine without any problems. Other nights it just cuts out for no reason and we can't get on for more than 5 seconds. And those nights are frustrating. Especially if it's on a night before he's due to close 3 nights in a row. I've gone almost a week without seeing him on skype, because skype refused to work in between the nights he closed.
I'm just getting a bit anxious again because next week we'll actually know for sure, if things are still going well with his passport. Or if it's all going to be a fail and he has to wait another 6 - 8 weeks or some shit. Plus, if he gets good news next week that it will be ready soon, he'll call his mom and get her to prepare for him to move into her basement apartment.
I'm really hoping for good news. I've given him until the end of September to have his passport in his hand. If that doesn't happen, things might not look good for us. I can't wait around for years and then have nothing happen and my heart be broken because he doesn't show up for some reason. That's one of my bigger fears.
Let's see, I'm worried about a couple things that could go wrong with this passport visit.
1) They could say that it'll take another 6 - 8 weeks due to some complication.
2) They could say they haven't started looking at it or processing it yet.
Of course, the good thing they could say is if it's actually on track and will get to him on the time that they told him it would be ready last time. When he went there almost 3 weeks ago, they told him they'd start looking at it on July 11 and if things go well he'd have it in a month. So, let's pray they are still on track.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
LDR Advice
I know I've posted about catfishing and scamming before, but this post is different. It's a general advice post about how to keep an LDR successful. I hope this will help some of you if you're going through struggles in your LDR, or just want to get general tips to how to keep things going well.
1) Make sure he's not catfishing you.
You've heard me rant about this before, but I'll put a few of the tips in here again. Creep his social media networks (Facebook, twitter, whatever else he has). Check out his friends, photos and past posts. Make sure his stories add up and that there's not too much drama in his life. A lot of times, over the top drama is a catfish's ploy to make someone feel sorry for them. Also, make sure that he will go on skype or video chat with you. Catfish generally don't want to go on skype, because they aren't who they say they are. Also, this is another huge red flag, but the second they ask for money, it's definitely a scam and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT continue the relationship no matter how much you've "fallen" for them. What would you rather, a broken heart or a broken bank account that leaves you both broke in cash, and broke in heart. In some extreme catfish cases, people have lost their homes and families due to blind "love" and sending cash to someone they've never even seen on webcam. If a person really "loves" you, they won't ask you for money. Use common sense when online dating.
2) Make sure you are clear on where you stand in his life.
Say you've been talking for a few months now, and you're falling hard for him. You think he likes you, but you're not sure because he hasn't said the words. But, he's been flirting with you, so that must mean that he cares somewhat, right? So you finally decide to meet him, spend all this money and spend time with him, he treats you like a girlfriend and gets all your emotions confused but he doesn't officially ask you out. Suddenly, you go back home and he's cold towards you, you ask him what you are in his life, and he says you're just "talking". (This is an example that actually happened to someone in an LDR). Don't let that happen. If you're confused or unclear about anything, just talk about it before you make a big leap emotionally. If he acts like he doesn't want you as more than a friend, or person to talk to, then don't invest too much emotionally (or money wise) into it. I've been played by guys (locally) who I thought liked me, and it's not fun. It's better to ask and be clear, even if his answer hurts you and rips your heart out, than to be fuzzy and have him leading you on for so long only to have it hurt more when he hurts you.
3) Both put in equal amount of effort.
Again, LDR's, along with local relationships, are all about effort. Two people care for each other and want to be together. But is one of them seriously committed or just messing around and expecting you to do everything? Here's an example that taught me to watch out for that. I dated a local guy for one year, he broke up with me a day before our one year anniversary. I liked him a lot, we had a lot in common and when we were together, we had fun. However - there was a catch. He was so lazy, that he only came to my place 4 times in the year that we were together. He lived an hour's drive away, and he always had some excuse not to come see me, so then I would give in and drive to go see him because I wanted to be with him. His excuses were "I drive 40 mins to and from work everyday so it's hard on my car" or "gas is expensive" or "I like to relax at home on weekends, but you can come here". I wanted to alternate, meaning he come one weekend, I'd go there the next, but he couldn't even do that. He wouldn't compromise at all. It was either me going there, or I wouldn't see him, or he'd make a big fuss about having to drive here and when he was here he didn't seem to have any fun. In other words, make sure your guy is putting in as much effort as you are, and girls, don't make him do all the visiting all the time. And it's not only the visiting. In LDRs, we have to communicate frequently, so make sure that he's thinking of you and he lets you know that, rather than you reaching out to him all the time and him only replying with a "meh" response, or no response at all.
4) Be safe when meeting.
This shouldn't be too hard. If you're going to meet someone from a different state/province/country, or even locally for that matter, it should be done safely. I'm sure I was stupid when meeting local guys in person after talking to them online. Luckily nothing happened to me, but it could easily happen to anyone. See I find that I can figure out which guys online are trustworthy, especially after I've creeped them for a while. But even so, I don't put my full trust in them until I absolutely know for sure who they are by either meeting in person or doing total research on them. I'm in an LDR and we haven't had the chance to meet in person yet, but when we do I know my mom will probably be with me, along with maybe my sister if she wants to. Make sure you at least have someone with you, or if you think that would be too awkward for a first date, make sure he knows you have your phone on you and are texting someone to let them know where you are/what you're doing with him. If he's not ok with you letting people know where you are, that's a red flag. You can just bring it up casually like "I'm texting my sister/mom/dad/friend to let them know what I'm doing".
5) Go public with your relationship.
James doesn't really post personal things on facebook anyway since he's barely on there, but he doesn't mind when I post things on his facebook or tag him in things. And we are in a relationship on facebook. Also, on DA, I write on his wall for our monthly anniversaries, and he does the same to me. I write it on DA rather than facebook, because he is more active on DA. Sometimes I'll even write on his wall randomly. If you try to post things on the profile of your "guy" and he either outright deletes it or tells you not to post personal shit because he doesn't want people to read it or know that he's talking to you, that's a red flag. Or if he won't let you tag photos of him when you spent time together, or if he's not posting photos of you two together, that's not a good sign either. If he doesn't talk about you at all to anyone in his life, that's not good. James hasn't told his father about me, because his father is more judgmental and strict in that way, so James is nervous to tell him because he knows his dad would think it's crazy and stupid. He will probably tell him once he moves, and before he comes up to see me. His mom and best friend know about me, and I'm sure probably his other friends know. Well, everyone in my life knows about him, since my parents aren't too strict with this kind of thing. Most of my friends were supportive. My family was weird at first but now they're used to it. They just hope he sees me soon, and they're worried about him hurting me.
Anyway, it's 3am again so I think I'm going to fall asleep soon. Hope this was somewhat helpful to some people who are just starting an LDR, or even to people who've been in one for a while.
1) Make sure he's not catfishing you.
You've heard me rant about this before, but I'll put a few of the tips in here again. Creep his social media networks (Facebook, twitter, whatever else he has). Check out his friends, photos and past posts. Make sure his stories add up and that there's not too much drama in his life. A lot of times, over the top drama is a catfish's ploy to make someone feel sorry for them. Also, make sure that he will go on skype or video chat with you. Catfish generally don't want to go on skype, because they aren't who they say they are. Also, this is another huge red flag, but the second they ask for money, it's definitely a scam and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT continue the relationship no matter how much you've "fallen" for them. What would you rather, a broken heart or a broken bank account that leaves you both broke in cash, and broke in heart. In some extreme catfish cases, people have lost their homes and families due to blind "love" and sending cash to someone they've never even seen on webcam. If a person really "loves" you, they won't ask you for money. Use common sense when online dating.
2) Make sure you are clear on where you stand in his life.
Say you've been talking for a few months now, and you're falling hard for him. You think he likes you, but you're not sure because he hasn't said the words. But, he's been flirting with you, so that must mean that he cares somewhat, right? So you finally decide to meet him, spend all this money and spend time with him, he treats you like a girlfriend and gets all your emotions confused but he doesn't officially ask you out. Suddenly, you go back home and he's cold towards you, you ask him what you are in his life, and he says you're just "talking". (This is an example that actually happened to someone in an LDR). Don't let that happen. If you're confused or unclear about anything, just talk about it before you make a big leap emotionally. If he acts like he doesn't want you as more than a friend, or person to talk to, then don't invest too much emotionally (or money wise) into it. I've been played by guys (locally) who I thought liked me, and it's not fun. It's better to ask and be clear, even if his answer hurts you and rips your heart out, than to be fuzzy and have him leading you on for so long only to have it hurt more when he hurts you.
3) Both put in equal amount of effort.
Again, LDR's, along with local relationships, are all about effort. Two people care for each other and want to be together. But is one of them seriously committed or just messing around and expecting you to do everything? Here's an example that taught me to watch out for that. I dated a local guy for one year, he broke up with me a day before our one year anniversary. I liked him a lot, we had a lot in common and when we were together, we had fun. However - there was a catch. He was so lazy, that he only came to my place 4 times in the year that we were together. He lived an hour's drive away, and he always had some excuse not to come see me, so then I would give in and drive to go see him because I wanted to be with him. His excuses were "I drive 40 mins to and from work everyday so it's hard on my car" or "gas is expensive" or "I like to relax at home on weekends, but you can come here". I wanted to alternate, meaning he come one weekend, I'd go there the next, but he couldn't even do that. He wouldn't compromise at all. It was either me going there, or I wouldn't see him, or he'd make a big fuss about having to drive here and when he was here he didn't seem to have any fun. In other words, make sure your guy is putting in as much effort as you are, and girls, don't make him do all the visiting all the time. And it's not only the visiting. In LDRs, we have to communicate frequently, so make sure that he's thinking of you and he lets you know that, rather than you reaching out to him all the time and him only replying with a "meh" response, or no response at all.
4) Be safe when meeting.
This shouldn't be too hard. If you're going to meet someone from a different state/province/country, or even locally for that matter, it should be done safely. I'm sure I was stupid when meeting local guys in person after talking to them online. Luckily nothing happened to me, but it could easily happen to anyone. See I find that I can figure out which guys online are trustworthy, especially after I've creeped them for a while. But even so, I don't put my full trust in them until I absolutely know for sure who they are by either meeting in person or doing total research on them. I'm in an LDR and we haven't had the chance to meet in person yet, but when we do I know my mom will probably be with me, along with maybe my sister if she wants to. Make sure you at least have someone with you, or if you think that would be too awkward for a first date, make sure he knows you have your phone on you and are texting someone to let them know where you are/what you're doing with him. If he's not ok with you letting people know where you are, that's a red flag. You can just bring it up casually like "I'm texting my sister/mom/dad/friend to let them know what I'm doing".
5) Go public with your relationship.
James doesn't really post personal things on facebook anyway since he's barely on there, but he doesn't mind when I post things on his facebook or tag him in things. And we are in a relationship on facebook. Also, on DA, I write on his wall for our monthly anniversaries, and he does the same to me. I write it on DA rather than facebook, because he is more active on DA. Sometimes I'll even write on his wall randomly. If you try to post things on the profile of your "guy" and he either outright deletes it or tells you not to post personal shit because he doesn't want people to read it or know that he's talking to you, that's a red flag. Or if he won't let you tag photos of him when you spent time together, or if he's not posting photos of you two together, that's not a good sign either. If he doesn't talk about you at all to anyone in his life, that's not good. James hasn't told his father about me, because his father is more judgmental and strict in that way, so James is nervous to tell him because he knows his dad would think it's crazy and stupid. He will probably tell him once he moves, and before he comes up to see me. His mom and best friend know about me, and I'm sure probably his other friends know. Well, everyone in my life knows about him, since my parents aren't too strict with this kind of thing. Most of my friends were supportive. My family was weird at first but now they're used to it. They just hope he sees me soon, and they're worried about him hurting me.
Anyway, it's 3am again so I think I'm going to fall asleep soon. Hope this was somewhat helpful to some people who are just starting an LDR, or even to people who've been in one for a while.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Today Was a Good Day
It looks like we'll have to wait another week to find out more about James' passport since he doesn't get a weekday off :( it sucks, but there's not much we can do. In the meantime, he has 4 closing days next week, which means I won't be able to see him for 4 nights, and 3 of those nights are in a row. That's also a pain in the ass. We enjoy seeing each other on skype at night, and it's the only time we can skype. At least, when he doesn't work closing. Sigh. But we'll get through it, we always do. It'll just mean more long and boring days for me.
Today was a pretty good day though. I was just laying around my room as usual, doing nothing. When suddenly I heard a car pull in the driveway. I thought it was my sister and her boyfriend, but then I looked out the window and saw it was two of my friends. Of course I was in my pjs so I had to rush around and get changed. I was pretty surprised though, I live 15 mins drive out of town so no one thinks to randomly come and see me or pick me up to hang out. We ended up just going to the mall and then getting something to eat (one of my friends paid for everyone) and that was it, but it was still fun getting out for a couple of hours with people, rather than alone like I usually am when I go to town.
After that I just hung around here and talked to James as usual, he called out today, but he had a bad day at work yesterday. But I think talking to me cheered him up some, we had an early skype date since he had to go to bed early tonight, and he was laughing and stuff like normal again. It was a good skype date and I couldn't stop smiling the whole time. I like those times on skype.
Pretty much directly after that, I went with my parents to my sister and her bf's future house lot which is on our property, and we had a bonfire. They have a small trailer up there for now, but are working towards getting a house built. My sister's gay friend and his boyfriend came too so that was fun. Although I was getting a bit annoyed because I wanted to go home and talk to James again since he had to go to bed early lol, but I still like bonfires. The fireflies were out as well. All I kept thinking was I wish James was with me :(
Those times are hard, when you're the only one without your boyfriend in a group of couples. James told me that tonight his best friend was out with his girlfriend, and they were at places where James wants to take me when I go visit him so James was feeling the same things I was tonight. Distance sucks and I really can't wait to see him :(
Anyway, that's about all for now I guess, I'm really tired for once so I think I'll fall asleep soon. Let's just hope that James can get a weekday off the week after next week, or even by some miracle his passport could come early :(
Today was a pretty good day though. I was just laying around my room as usual, doing nothing. When suddenly I heard a car pull in the driveway. I thought it was my sister and her boyfriend, but then I looked out the window and saw it was two of my friends. Of course I was in my pjs so I had to rush around and get changed. I was pretty surprised though, I live 15 mins drive out of town so no one thinks to randomly come and see me or pick me up to hang out. We ended up just going to the mall and then getting something to eat (one of my friends paid for everyone) and that was it, but it was still fun getting out for a couple of hours with people, rather than alone like I usually am when I go to town.
After that I just hung around here and talked to James as usual, he called out today, but he had a bad day at work yesterday. But I think talking to me cheered him up some, we had an early skype date since he had to go to bed early tonight, and he was laughing and stuff like normal again. It was a good skype date and I couldn't stop smiling the whole time. I like those times on skype.
Pretty much directly after that, I went with my parents to my sister and her bf's future house lot which is on our property, and we had a bonfire. They have a small trailer up there for now, but are working towards getting a house built. My sister's gay friend and his boyfriend came too so that was fun. Although I was getting a bit annoyed because I wanted to go home and talk to James again since he had to go to bed early lol, but I still like bonfires. The fireflies were out as well. All I kept thinking was I wish James was with me :(
Those times are hard, when you're the only one without your boyfriend in a group of couples. James told me that tonight his best friend was out with his girlfriend, and they were at places where James wants to take me when I go visit him so James was feeling the same things I was tonight. Distance sucks and I really can't wait to see him :(
Anyway, that's about all for now I guess, I'm really tired for once so I think I'll fall asleep soon. Let's just hope that James can get a weekday off the week after next week, or even by some miracle his passport could come early :(
Thursday, July 17, 2014
3 AM Thoughts
James is going into the passport office again next week so long as he gets a weekday off work, which I hope he does. Then he should be able to find out if they are still on track with his passport and I hope they tell him it should be done in a couple weeks.
I'm tired of waiting. I mean, I'm not tired of waiting for him. I'll wait for him for however long it takes (so long as it's a reasonable amount of time, I can't wait for like 5 years for him to get here like a lot of those girls who get scammed do). I'm just tired of never knowing what's going on or when his passport will get here so that we can start planning for him to come.
Random side note, I've also taken up the hobby of crochet. It's another way to pass the time while waiting for him, and while I'm waiting to get a job. I'm catching onto it pretty quick. I tried knitting before, but I ended up stopping that and getting bored of it. I do like crochet better so I hope I can keep it up and get good at it. It is more difficult than knitting though. I'm not sure what inspired me to start doing this...it just kind of popped into my head one night.
(Warning: this post is about to get morbid, so if you don't want to read about death you can skip over this part - but it gets better near the end again)
I also heard about the Malaysian flight MH17 that went down today, so RIP to those people and my condolences to their families :( I was watching graphic videos where they showed some bodies, and it's very sad and heartbreaking, but it got me to thinking. There was one passenger who made a last facebook post which was a photo he posted of the plane itself, with a comment about if the plane goes missing, this is what it looks like (in reference to the last Malaysian plane that went missing and still hasn't been found). Him and his girlfriend were traveling to Malaysia when they both boarded the plane, and four hours later it was shot down.
And like I said, of course all this tragedy got me to thinking. You never know when your last few hours on this Earth will be. I mean really. Most of us do live out our lives and grow old. Some people are just unfortunate to meet their deaths early. I'm not scared of death, and dying, to be honest. I mean, I just hope I'm not in a situation where I know I'm going to die but can't do anything. I'd rather just one minute be here, the next gone, so I don't have time to think about what I'm going to miss. But anyway, for the most part we don't really get to choose how we die. One minute you could be walking down the street, the next get hit by a car that goes off the road.
Those people didn't know that when they boarded the plane, they only had four hours left to live. They didn't know that last night as they were getting ready to leave for wherever they were going, was the last sunset they would ever see. It does make me nervous to travel, because you just never know. But then again, there are people who are constantly traveling, and nothing ever happens to them. And if I got cold feet on traveling now, I wouldn't be able to go see James and see his life and meet his family and friends. So you have to take risks for what you want, and for the most part, traveling is fairly safe. I do enjoy flying, I've been in several planes myself, including small bush planes and gliders.
My sister's close friend was in a plane that went down last week sometime I think, or the week before. He's a pilot, but on this flight he was the co-pilot. It was only a small bush plane again, and luckily they landed safely in a field, but they pretty much had to crash land. He said that he was scared, and probably thinking these might be his last moments alive if things go really bad. Thankfully he was ok, I know my sister would have been devastated if things had gone tragic. I would have been upset too, he's a cool guy and hangs out with me sometimes too when he's here. One time he drove me home from the city.
(End morbid posting)
Anyway, I think that's all I'm going to write about that heavy subject for now. I really hope that me and James can meet soon. I could seriously use a long, tight hug from him, a good make-out session (or several), and other things. Waiting 9 and a half months for someone is a long haul. It'll probably be closer to 11 months or maybe even close to a year before we meet. It all depends how well things go with his passport. With any luck, it could get here earlier than they said but I doubt that would happen.
I just can't wait to be able to do things like normal couples do. Hold hands whenever we want to, hug, kiss, go out on dates, do romantic and cute and fun things together, etc. I want to prove to people that he is real, that he loves me and that I'm in love with him and we want to be together despite everything.
I think I'm going to attempt sleep now, I'll see. So goodnight (or good morning lol) and hopefully when I post again we'll know more about what's happening with us.
I'm tired of waiting. I mean, I'm not tired of waiting for him. I'll wait for him for however long it takes (so long as it's a reasonable amount of time, I can't wait for like 5 years for him to get here like a lot of those girls who get scammed do). I'm just tired of never knowing what's going on or when his passport will get here so that we can start planning for him to come.
Random side note, I've also taken up the hobby of crochet. It's another way to pass the time while waiting for him, and while I'm waiting to get a job. I'm catching onto it pretty quick. I tried knitting before, but I ended up stopping that and getting bored of it. I do like crochet better so I hope I can keep it up and get good at it. It is more difficult than knitting though. I'm not sure what inspired me to start doing this...it just kind of popped into my head one night.
(Warning: this post is about to get morbid, so if you don't want to read about death you can skip over this part - but it gets better near the end again)
I also heard about the Malaysian flight MH17 that went down today, so RIP to those people and my condolences to their families :( I was watching graphic videos where they showed some bodies, and it's very sad and heartbreaking, but it got me to thinking. There was one passenger who made a last facebook post which was a photo he posted of the plane itself, with a comment about if the plane goes missing, this is what it looks like (in reference to the last Malaysian plane that went missing and still hasn't been found). Him and his girlfriend were traveling to Malaysia when they both boarded the plane, and four hours later it was shot down.
And like I said, of course all this tragedy got me to thinking. You never know when your last few hours on this Earth will be. I mean really. Most of us do live out our lives and grow old. Some people are just unfortunate to meet their deaths early. I'm not scared of death, and dying, to be honest. I mean, I just hope I'm not in a situation where I know I'm going to die but can't do anything. I'd rather just one minute be here, the next gone, so I don't have time to think about what I'm going to miss. But anyway, for the most part we don't really get to choose how we die. One minute you could be walking down the street, the next get hit by a car that goes off the road.
Those people didn't know that when they boarded the plane, they only had four hours left to live. They didn't know that last night as they were getting ready to leave for wherever they were going, was the last sunset they would ever see. It does make me nervous to travel, because you just never know. But then again, there are people who are constantly traveling, and nothing ever happens to them. And if I got cold feet on traveling now, I wouldn't be able to go see James and see his life and meet his family and friends. So you have to take risks for what you want, and for the most part, traveling is fairly safe. I do enjoy flying, I've been in several planes myself, including small bush planes and gliders.
My sister's close friend was in a plane that went down last week sometime I think, or the week before. He's a pilot, but on this flight he was the co-pilot. It was only a small bush plane again, and luckily they landed safely in a field, but they pretty much had to crash land. He said that he was scared, and probably thinking these might be his last moments alive if things go really bad. Thankfully he was ok, I know my sister would have been devastated if things had gone tragic. I would have been upset too, he's a cool guy and hangs out with me sometimes too when he's here. One time he drove me home from the city.
(End morbid posting)
Anyway, I think that's all I'm going to write about that heavy subject for now. I really hope that me and James can meet soon. I could seriously use a long, tight hug from him, a good make-out session (or several), and other things. Waiting 9 and a half months for someone is a long haul. It'll probably be closer to 11 months or maybe even close to a year before we meet. It all depends how well things go with his passport. With any luck, it could get here earlier than they said but I doubt that would happen.
I just can't wait to be able to do things like normal couples do. Hold hands whenever we want to, hug, kiss, go out on dates, do romantic and cute and fun things together, etc. I want to prove to people that he is real, that he loves me and that I'm in love with him and we want to be together despite everything.
I think I'm going to attempt sleep now, I'll see. So goodnight (or good morning lol) and hopefully when I post again we'll know more about what's happening with us.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Tired of Waiting
I really hope we can meet in September. I'm tired of all this waiting. Tired of this waiting for his passport game. I am glad that we got decent news last time though. He'll be going in next week if he gets a weekday off to make sure they're still on track with it. I hope things go well and that he gets it soon.
I don't want to be like those girls who keep on waiting and waiting for their partner to meet them but they always come up with some excuse. Read about a girl who was in an online relationship for 5 years (pretty much just emailing, texting and calling, no video chats or anything) and he supposedly had cancer, and kept putting off their plans to meet because he was feeling insecure about having her see him like that. Well, she fell for it for five years. If you haven't met after five years because he keeps putting it off, there's definitely something wrong. That should have been a red flag to her. Plus, if the person is always making excuses not to go on skype or any video chats, that's another red flag. There's only so many excuses they can make before it starts to get suspicious.
Also, the ones who send money to these people are the worst. I don't care how kind-hearted and gullible you are, if someone you've been emailing a few times asks for money, that should be a major red flag. Plus you shouldn't fall that hard for someone you've only met on email and haven't seen on video at least. A lot of times, these people who are catfishing will declare their "love" for you very soon after you first meet them, usually within a week or two. That's what gets those kind people hooked, and they fall even farther after a while of bad, corny emails.
So, that's why I've decided that if me and James still are not at least in the official planning stages of seeing each other by the end of September, then that is not good. I'm hoping that if things go well and he gets his passport we can start planning around the middle of next month, so a month from now. That's if his passport does come on time. For him, he said depending on what they tell him when he goes in next week, he'll start on his moving plans since he has to give his mom a month's notice.
I hate still being so unsure of everything. At least we got some idea now, and we're finally out of the limbo of not knowing anything, but we still don't really know. Hopefully he can know more once he goes in again and that if they are still on track or not.
I'm sure other people who are in LDRs and were waiting to meet for the first time also kept hitting some traffic blocks, but eventually did get to meet after everything was alright. We can't be the only ones. Sigh.
I don't want to be like those girls who keep on waiting and waiting for their partner to meet them but they always come up with some excuse. Read about a girl who was in an online relationship for 5 years (pretty much just emailing, texting and calling, no video chats or anything) and he supposedly had cancer, and kept putting off their plans to meet because he was feeling insecure about having her see him like that. Well, she fell for it for five years. If you haven't met after five years because he keeps putting it off, there's definitely something wrong. That should have been a red flag to her. Plus, if the person is always making excuses not to go on skype or any video chats, that's another red flag. There's only so many excuses they can make before it starts to get suspicious.
Also, the ones who send money to these people are the worst. I don't care how kind-hearted and gullible you are, if someone you've been emailing a few times asks for money, that should be a major red flag. Plus you shouldn't fall that hard for someone you've only met on email and haven't seen on video at least. A lot of times, these people who are catfishing will declare their "love" for you very soon after you first meet them, usually within a week or two. That's what gets those kind people hooked, and they fall even farther after a while of bad, corny emails.
So, that's why I've decided that if me and James still are not at least in the official planning stages of seeing each other by the end of September, then that is not good. I'm hoping that if things go well and he gets his passport we can start planning around the middle of next month, so a month from now. That's if his passport does come on time. For him, he said depending on what they tell him when he goes in next week, he'll start on his moving plans since he has to give his mom a month's notice.
I hate still being so unsure of everything. At least we got some idea now, and we're finally out of the limbo of not knowing anything, but we still don't really know. Hopefully he can know more once he goes in again and that if they are still on track or not.
I'm sure other people who are in LDRs and were waiting to meet for the first time also kept hitting some traffic blocks, but eventually did get to meet after everything was alright. We can't be the only ones. Sigh.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Feeling Hopeful
Well, tonight I bring you decent news.
I was relieved when James said that they told him they'll start looking at his case tomorrow (since that's the one year anniversary date that the case was closed) and that if it all looks good he'll get his passport in about a month.
I'm feeling hopeful about this relationship once again. Since I am fairly confident they won't find any reason not to give him a passport, since he wasn't convicted and was proven innocent, he shouldn't have any trouble from now on and things should go more smoothly starting tomorrow. In a couple of weeks, he will go back for another update. He said that when he was there today, they didn't say anything about possibly denying it, so I'll take that as a good sign.
I really hope it holds true this time, and that by this time next month he'll have his passport. If so, he could be here by the end of August or beginning of September. We've already waited 9 months, what's another month? It'll be a little over a month by the time he's here, so like I said, probably around the beginning of September. Again, that's if they hold true and his passport arrives on time, like they said. The weather is nice that time of year too, so I won't be too disappointed if he doesn't get here in August. In fact I know he likes cooler weather than how hot June, July and August can be here. It's still fairly warm in the beginning of September too, but not as sweltering.
Well guys, we're a step closer to finally getting to be in each other's arms. Now I can relax a bit more, at least until the next time he goes into the office, which like I said would be in a couple of weeks. Then we'd really find out for sure if they are still on track with it. I will be devastated if something really bad happens the next time he goes there and they decide not to give him his passport after all. But, like I said, I am pretty sure if they weren't going to, they would have told him or sent him the denial letter by now.
For now, I can just bask in this bit of relief and wait until the next time to have another mini melt down :P
I was relieved when James said that they told him they'll start looking at his case tomorrow (since that's the one year anniversary date that the case was closed) and that if it all looks good he'll get his passport in about a month.
I'm feeling hopeful about this relationship once again. Since I am fairly confident they won't find any reason not to give him a passport, since he wasn't convicted and was proven innocent, he shouldn't have any trouble from now on and things should go more smoothly starting tomorrow. In a couple of weeks, he will go back for another update. He said that when he was there today, they didn't say anything about possibly denying it, so I'll take that as a good sign.
I really hope it holds true this time, and that by this time next month he'll have his passport. If so, he could be here by the end of August or beginning of September. We've already waited 9 months, what's another month? It'll be a little over a month by the time he's here, so like I said, probably around the beginning of September. Again, that's if they hold true and his passport arrives on time, like they said. The weather is nice that time of year too, so I won't be too disappointed if he doesn't get here in August. In fact I know he likes cooler weather than how hot June, July and August can be here. It's still fairly warm in the beginning of September too, but not as sweltering.
Well guys, we're a step closer to finally getting to be in each other's arms. Now I can relax a bit more, at least until the next time he goes into the office, which like I said would be in a couple of weeks. Then we'd really find out for sure if they are still on track with it. I will be devastated if something really bad happens the next time he goes there and they decide not to give him his passport after all. But, like I said, I am pretty sure if they weren't going to, they would have told him or sent him the denial letter by now.
For now, I can just bask in this bit of relief and wait until the next time to have another mini melt down :P
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Scared of the Future
So far, July's been alright. Despite a bit of drama with past nuances who can't just seem to leave my twitter profile alone and stop commenting on shit I say, it's been decent.
I'm also noticing quite a bit of drama on the LDR accounts on twitter. A few girls who are in LDRs (and have met their boyfriends multiple times over the years they've been together) kind of started looking down on those of us who haven't met. They kept saying shit like "it's not a real LDR, you're only just penpals until you meet in person" and I'm like well that's kind of rude to say. Then that same person was like "you shouldn't start a relationship until you meet in person, good God people"
Here's what I have to say to her:
Weren't you in the same position that me and my boyfriend are in? I'm sure you had a crush on a guy you met online, then waited some time to meet him in person. I forget her story completely, whether she met the guy in person then they were long distance, I'm not sure. But a few of the other LDR accounts who were making fun of us who haven't met yet, are like that. Meaning they met the person first before starting the LDR.
And we haven't had the privilege of meeting yet. So you're basically demeaning our relationship by saying that we're only "penpals"? After all the shit we've gone through? I'm pretty sure our connection is deeper than just people who write each other online once in a while. Just the way they say it, they seem like they're being snobby about the fact that they've met their S/O's multiple times, so they know their bf's better than those of us who haven't met? Sigh. Well, I don't really care about people's opinions on my LDR. I'm in love, and that's that. They can't tell me when I should or shouldn't fall in love with someone.
Anyway, let's recap so far:
June 30th: Went to Rushton's Beach by myself. It's a small, overly crowded beach in Tatamagouche, NS. I managed to find a decent spot to rest that was somewhat away from people. But I still prefer Caribou Island, and I'm going to take James to Caribou rather than Rushton's.
July 1st: Went to the Canada Day fireworks in Pugwash with my mom, my sister, and her boyfriend. Of course my sister and her boyfriend invited two more friends along, who are also a couple, therefore leaving me all like "ugh why isn't my boyfriend here" sad inside. Of course not many people do LDR's these days. So my sister's friends probably would have looked at me weird if I'd told them my boyfriend is in New York right now. And you know, I haven't met him in person yet.
July 5th: Tropical Storm Arthur did quite a bit of damage around NS and the other Maritime provinces. There was a lot of flooding in NB. Here on my property, we lost a few trees and some branches off the bigger trees. One tree lost a huge chunk of it so it now has a bare spot on the top. It's not too bad, but still kind of sad. I think that the wind gusts here were up to 120km/h. That night, it was still really windy, so I took my laptop outside while me and James went on skype so he could hear the wind.
July 7th: Me and James celebrated our nine month anniversary. That's nine months of being apart. And it's a really big accomplishment, that we can be nine months apart and still be this in love. Not many couples could handle being apart for that long. We haven't met in person yet, but he still makes me laugh and smile every time we go on skype, and I don't think we will ever get tired of that any time soon. I just love him to pieces, which is why I am terrified of the next date I'm about to write.
July 10th (tomorrow): James is going back to the passport office to see what the hell is up with his passport.
And I'm terrified.
I know he's nervous and worried about it too. The worst things that could happen are that they could deny it, or tell him he has to apply again for whatever reason. However, I don't think they will deny it, because I am pretty sure if they were going to deny it, they would have already. July 11th is the day that his case is a year old so that's why he waited this long to go back, and we're hoping they'll be able to tell us more about what's going to happen with it. Ugh. I am so nervous.
I don't think we will break up if things go bad. He's told me though, that if things do go really bad and we end up breaking up, then after a while he does end up getting his passport after all, we can get back together. But then I'm like, what would be the point of breaking up, other than causing a lot of heartache for nothing? I know I won't find anyone else for quite some time. I'd still be waiting for James even if we broke up and remained friends.
I just want Thursday to get here already. He has the day off, so the first thing he's going to do is go to the passport office, then run some errands, then come home. But, I will update this blog once we get the results from that day, even if they aren't good, or if we still don't know anything.
I fucking want to meet him this summer so bad. Next month would be ideal. September would be all right. But if we haven't met still by the end of September, then it's not looking too good for us :( and I will be heartbroken and upset if we still haven't met by then.
Why does this have to be so difficult? If he didn't have that case, and had his passport by now, he would have been here in May when we'd originally planned, and would have likely been planning a second trip to here. I'm still pissed that it's been over three months and he still doesn't have his passport. I know they told him that they were waiting until the case is a year old, but it's fucking driving me nuts. I don't want people to think badly of him or second guess his intentions. I know he wants to meet me. It's not his fault their government sucks.
Anyway, I guess all I can do is breathe and wait for what they have to say on Thursday. And pray that it's something good.
I'm also noticing quite a bit of drama on the LDR accounts on twitter. A few girls who are in LDRs (and have met their boyfriends multiple times over the years they've been together) kind of started looking down on those of us who haven't met. They kept saying shit like "it's not a real LDR, you're only just penpals until you meet in person" and I'm like well that's kind of rude to say. Then that same person was like "you shouldn't start a relationship until you meet in person, good God people"
Here's what I have to say to her:
Weren't you in the same position that me and my boyfriend are in? I'm sure you had a crush on a guy you met online, then waited some time to meet him in person. I forget her story completely, whether she met the guy in person then they were long distance, I'm not sure. But a few of the other LDR accounts who were making fun of us who haven't met yet, are like that. Meaning they met the person first before starting the LDR.
And we haven't had the privilege of meeting yet. So you're basically demeaning our relationship by saying that we're only "penpals"? After all the shit we've gone through? I'm pretty sure our connection is deeper than just people who write each other online once in a while. Just the way they say it, they seem like they're being snobby about the fact that they've met their S/O's multiple times, so they know their bf's better than those of us who haven't met? Sigh. Well, I don't really care about people's opinions on my LDR. I'm in love, and that's that. They can't tell me when I should or shouldn't fall in love with someone.
Anyway, let's recap so far:
June 30th: Went to Rushton's Beach by myself. It's a small, overly crowded beach in Tatamagouche, NS. I managed to find a decent spot to rest that was somewhat away from people. But I still prefer Caribou Island, and I'm going to take James to Caribou rather than Rushton's.
July 1st: Went to the Canada Day fireworks in Pugwash with my mom, my sister, and her boyfriend. Of course my sister and her boyfriend invited two more friends along, who are also a couple, therefore leaving me all like "ugh why isn't my boyfriend here" sad inside. Of course not many people do LDR's these days. So my sister's friends probably would have looked at me weird if I'd told them my boyfriend is in New York right now. And you know, I haven't met him in person yet.
July 5th: Tropical Storm Arthur did quite a bit of damage around NS and the other Maritime provinces. There was a lot of flooding in NB. Here on my property, we lost a few trees and some branches off the bigger trees. One tree lost a huge chunk of it so it now has a bare spot on the top. It's not too bad, but still kind of sad. I think that the wind gusts here were up to 120km/h. That night, it was still really windy, so I took my laptop outside while me and James went on skype so he could hear the wind.
July 7th: Me and James celebrated our nine month anniversary. That's nine months of being apart. And it's a really big accomplishment, that we can be nine months apart and still be this in love. Not many couples could handle being apart for that long. We haven't met in person yet, but he still makes me laugh and smile every time we go on skype, and I don't think we will ever get tired of that any time soon. I just love him to pieces, which is why I am terrified of the next date I'm about to write.
July 10th (tomorrow): James is going back to the passport office to see what the hell is up with his passport.
And I'm terrified.
I know he's nervous and worried about it too. The worst things that could happen are that they could deny it, or tell him he has to apply again for whatever reason. However, I don't think they will deny it, because I am pretty sure if they were going to deny it, they would have already. July 11th is the day that his case is a year old so that's why he waited this long to go back, and we're hoping they'll be able to tell us more about what's going to happen with it. Ugh. I am so nervous.
I don't think we will break up if things go bad. He's told me though, that if things do go really bad and we end up breaking up, then after a while he does end up getting his passport after all, we can get back together. But then I'm like, what would be the point of breaking up, other than causing a lot of heartache for nothing? I know I won't find anyone else for quite some time. I'd still be waiting for James even if we broke up and remained friends.
I just want Thursday to get here already. He has the day off, so the first thing he's going to do is go to the passport office, then run some errands, then come home. But, I will update this blog once we get the results from that day, even if they aren't good, or if we still don't know anything.
I fucking want to meet him this summer so bad. Next month would be ideal. September would be all right. But if we haven't met still by the end of September, then it's not looking too good for us :( and I will be heartbroken and upset if we still haven't met by then.
Why does this have to be so difficult? If he didn't have that case, and had his passport by now, he would have been here in May when we'd originally planned, and would have likely been planning a second trip to here. I'm still pissed that it's been over three months and he still doesn't have his passport. I know they told him that they were waiting until the case is a year old, but it's fucking driving me nuts. I don't want people to think badly of him or second guess his intentions. I know he wants to meet me. It's not his fault their government sucks.
Anyway, I guess all I can do is breathe and wait for what they have to say on Thursday. And pray that it's something good.
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