3 AM Thoughts

 James is going into the passport office again next week so long as he gets a weekday off work, which I hope he does. Then he should be able to find out if they are still on track with his passport and I hope they tell him it should be done in a couple weeks.

I'm tired of waiting. I mean, I'm not tired of waiting for him. I'll wait for him for however long it takes (so long as it's a reasonable amount of time, I can't wait for like 5 years for him to get here like a lot of those girls who get scammed do). I'm just tired of never knowing what's going on or when his passport will get here so that we can start planning for him to come.

Random side note, I've also taken up the hobby of crochet. It's another way to pass the time while waiting for him, and while I'm waiting to get a job. I'm catching onto it pretty quick. I tried knitting before, but I ended up stopping that and getting bored of it. I do like crochet better so I hope I can keep it up and get good at it. It is more difficult than knitting though. I'm not sure what inspired me to start doing this...it just kind of popped into my head one night.

(Warning: this post is about to get morbid, so if you don't want to read about death you can skip over this part - but it gets better near the end again)

I also heard about the Malaysian flight MH17 that went down today, so RIP to those people and my condolences to their families :( I was watching graphic videos where they showed some bodies, and it's very sad and heartbreaking, but it got me to thinking. There was one passenger who made a last facebook post which was a photo he posted of the plane itself, with a comment about if the plane goes missing, this is what it looks like (in reference to the last Malaysian plane that went missing and still hasn't been found). Him and his girlfriend were traveling to Malaysia when they both boarded the plane, and four hours later it was shot down.

And like I said, of course all this tragedy got me to thinking. You never know when your last few hours on this Earth will be. I mean really. Most of us do live out our lives and grow old. Some people are just unfortunate to meet their deaths early. I'm not scared of death, and dying, to be honest. I mean, I just hope I'm not in a situation where I know I'm going to die but can't do anything. I'd rather just one minute be here, the next gone, so I don't have time to think about what I'm going to miss. But anyway, for the most part we don't really get to choose how we die. One minute you could be walking down the street, the next get hit by a car that goes off the road.

Those people didn't know that when they boarded the plane, they only had four hours left to live. They didn't know that last night as they were getting ready to leave for wherever they were going, was the last sunset they would ever see. It does make me nervous to travel, because you just never know. But then again, there are people who are constantly traveling, and nothing ever happens to them. And if I got cold feet on traveling now, I wouldn't be able to go see James and see his life and meet his family and friends. So you have to take risks for what you want, and for the most part, traveling is fairly safe. I do enjoy flying, I've been in several planes myself, including small bush planes and gliders.

My sister's close friend was in a plane that went down last week sometime I think, or the week before. He's a pilot, but on this flight he was the co-pilot. It was only a small bush plane again, and luckily they landed safely in a field, but they pretty much had to crash land. He said that he was scared, and probably thinking these might be his last moments alive if things go really bad. Thankfully he was ok, I know my sister would have been devastated if things had gone tragic. I would have been upset too, he's a cool guy and hangs out with me sometimes too when he's here. One time he drove me home from the city.

(End morbid posting)

Anyway, I think that's all I'm going to write about that heavy subject for now. I really hope that me and James can meet soon. I could seriously use a long, tight hug from him, a good make-out session (or several), and other things. Waiting 9 and a half months for someone is a long haul. It'll probably be closer to 11 months or maybe even close to a year before we meet. It all depends how well things go with his passport. With any luck, it could get here earlier than they said but I doubt that would happen.

I just can't wait to be able to do things like normal couples do. Hold hands whenever we want to, hug, kiss, go out on dates, do romantic and cute and fun things together, etc. I want to prove to people that he is real, that he loves me and that I'm in love with him and we want to be together despite everything.

I think I'm going to attempt sleep now, I'll see. So goodnight (or good morning lol) and hopefully when I post again we'll know more about what's happening with us.