I know I've posted about catfishing and scamming before, but this post is different. It's a general advice post about how to keep an LDR successful. I hope this will help some of you if you're going through struggles in your LDR, or just want to get general tips to how to keep things going well.
1) Make sure he's not catfishing you.
You've heard me rant about this before, but I'll put a few of the tips in here again. Creep his social media networks (Facebook, twitter, whatever else he has). Check out his friends, photos and past posts. Make sure his stories add up and that there's not too much drama in his life. A lot of times, over the top drama is a catfish's ploy to make someone feel sorry for them. Also, make sure that he will go on skype or video chat with you. Catfish generally don't want to go on skype, because they aren't who they say they are. Also, this is another huge red flag, but the second they ask for money, it's definitely a scam and DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT continue the relationship no matter how much you've "fallen" for them. What would you rather, a broken heart or a broken bank account that leaves you both broke in cash, and broke in heart. In some extreme catfish cases, people have lost their homes and families due to blind "love" and sending cash to someone they've never even seen on webcam. If a person really "loves" you, they won't ask you for money. Use common sense when online dating.
2) Make sure you are clear on where you stand in his life.
Say you've been talking for a few months now, and you're falling hard for him. You think he likes you, but you're not sure because he hasn't said the words. But, he's been flirting with you, so that must mean that he cares somewhat, right? So you finally decide to meet him, spend all this money and spend time with him, he treats you like a girlfriend and gets all your emotions confused but he doesn't officially ask you out. Suddenly, you go back home and he's cold towards you, you ask him what you are in his life, and he says you're just "talking". (This is an example that actually happened to someone in an LDR). Don't let that happen. If you're confused or unclear about anything, just talk about it before you make a big leap emotionally. If he acts like he doesn't want you as more than a friend, or person to talk to, then don't invest too much emotionally (or money wise) into it. I've been played by guys (locally) who I thought liked me, and it's not fun. It's better to ask and be clear, even if his answer hurts you and rips your heart out, than to be fuzzy and have him leading you on for so long only to have it hurt more when he hurts you.
3) Both put in equal amount of effort.
Again, LDR's, along with local relationships, are all about effort. Two people care for each other and want to be together. But is one of them seriously committed or just messing around and expecting you to do everything? Here's an example that taught me to watch out for that. I dated a local guy for one year, he broke up with me a day before our one year anniversary. I liked him a lot, we had a lot in common and when we were together, we had fun. However - there was a catch. He was so lazy, that he only came to my place 4 times in the year that we were together. He lived an hour's drive away, and he always had some excuse not to come see me, so then I would give in and drive to go see him because I wanted to be with him. His excuses were "I drive 40 mins to and from work everyday so it's hard on my car" or "gas is expensive" or "I like to relax at home on weekends, but you can come here". I wanted to alternate, meaning he come one weekend, I'd go there the next, but he couldn't even do that. He wouldn't compromise at all. It was either me going there, or I wouldn't see him, or he'd make a big fuss about having to drive here and when he was here he didn't seem to have any fun. In other words, make sure your guy is putting in as much effort as you are, and girls, don't make him do all the visiting all the time. And it's not only the visiting. In LDRs, we have to communicate frequently, so make sure that he's thinking of you and he lets you know that, rather than you reaching out to him all the time and him only replying with a "meh" response, or no response at all.
4) Be safe when meeting.
This shouldn't be too hard. If you're going to meet someone from a different state/province/country, or even locally for that matter, it should be done safely. I'm sure I was stupid when meeting local guys in person after talking to them online. Luckily nothing happened to me, but it could easily happen to anyone. See I find that I can figure out which guys online are trustworthy, especially after I've creeped them for a while. But even so, I don't put my full trust in them until I absolutely know for sure who they are by either meeting in person or doing total research on them. I'm in an LDR and we haven't had the chance to meet in person yet, but when we do I know my mom will probably be with me, along with maybe my sister if she wants to. Make sure you at least have someone with you, or if you think that would be too awkward for a first date, make sure he knows you have your phone on you and are texting someone to let them know where you are/what you're doing with him. If he's not ok with you letting people know where you are, that's a red flag. You can just bring it up casually like "I'm texting my sister/mom/dad/friend to let them know what I'm doing".
5) Go public with your relationship.
James doesn't really post personal things on facebook anyway since he's barely on there, but he doesn't mind when I post things on his facebook or tag him in things. And we are in a relationship on facebook. Also, on DA, I write on his wall for our monthly anniversaries, and he does the same to me. I write it on DA rather than facebook, because he is more active on DA. Sometimes I'll even write on his wall randomly. If you try to post things on the profile of your "guy" and he either outright deletes it or tells you not to post personal shit because he doesn't want people to read it or know that he's talking to you, that's a red flag. Or if he won't let you tag photos of him when you spent time together, or if he's not posting photos of you two together, that's not a good sign either. If he doesn't talk about you at all to anyone in his life, that's not good. James hasn't told his father about me, because his father is more judgmental and strict in that way, so James is nervous to tell him because he knows his dad would think it's crazy and stupid. He will probably tell him once he moves, and before he comes up to see me. His mom and best friend know about me, and I'm sure probably his other friends know. Well, everyone in my life knows about him, since my parents aren't too strict with this kind of thing. Most of my friends were supportive. My family was weird at first but now they're used to it. They just hope he sees me soon, and they're worried about him hurting me.
Anyway, it's 3am again so I think I'm going to fall asleep soon. Hope this was somewhat helpful to some people who are just starting an LDR, or even to people who've been in one for a while.
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