So, again I've been seeing people making comments like "if you haven't met in person then you're not really dating" or "online dating never works, you should only meet the guy in person first like at a grocery store or a bar" or "I married my high school sweetheart so I never had to date online". Well, perhaps that worked for you, but it doesn't work for everyone. I've already written a few posts about this topic of catfish and online scammers but here's another one cause it pisses me off when people are idiots and completely dismiss online dating because they think everyone on the internet is fake, or they met their husband/wife in person so they are high and mighty above online dating.
I've had five boyfriends. The first one I met through a friend, and of course we started talking online. The rest I met on a dating site, then met in person. Of course I'd start messaging guys, then they'd stop messaging if they lost interest, or if the guy seemed suspicious I wouldn't answer them. I'm pretty smart when it comes to online dating. I'm just not a social person and won't strike up a conversation with a random guy at a grocery store, or especially not at the bar.
Besides, people can lie to you in person just as easily as they can online. There's been stories where people have been married/in a relationship for years only to find out their spouse was cheating on them or lying about other things such as money. Say you meet a guy at work, or college and start talking to him. You end up falling for him, getting together with him. You're dating for two years and suddenly find out that he's had girls on the side the whole time you've been together. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. It's no different online. Just because you met your boyfriend/husband in person doesn't somehow make you better or give you the right to look down your nose at those of us who meet people online.
Then there are the cases of say, married guys who meet girls at bars, they can easily take their wedding rings off and lie about being married. I'm sure there's real, normal people at bars too. But again it's just as risky as online dating. Or you could meet someone at the bar and he could end up taking you home and trying to rape/murder you. I've had a guy who was wasted, he danced with me for a few seconds, then found me again later and grab me and try to pull me out of the club, but I saved myself by pushing him away and then running to my friend. My friend assumed that the guy was my other friend I was with (who had disappeared into the crowd at this point), plus he was drunk too so that's why he didn't help me. But anyway. It's just as dangerous in person as it is online. If I had let that guy get away with it, I could be dead or at least suffering from post-traumatic stress from the rape and never trust guys again.
Yes, it is easier to cheat if you're in an online long distance relationship. The other person could have no idea you're going around banging girls/guys who live near you. And they probably wouldn't ever find out, at least in some cases. It's exactly the same thing though. If you meet a real guy (like I have) online and live too far apart to meet right away, go on skype to make sure he's real. I've been talking to mine on skype for the over seven months we've been together. It's pretty much like hanging out in person.
Sure, chances are that he could be lying about wanting to meet me, then when I wonder why his passport isn't coming he'll just keep saying it's been delayed again. I am aware of all of these things, and I'm also preparing for what if this ends up not working out because something goes wrong with his passport? I've watched enough scammer shows, and if this doesn't end up working out I will be quite upset. But again, it's just like if any other local relationship doesn't work out. You'll cry for a while, then eventually forget about them and move on.
So before you go and insult or make fun of those of us who are dating online, think about this: how often do you meet someone who is willing to go through all this stress, all this waiting, all this travelling and money just to be with you? I haven't met mine in person yet, but I know I will soon, and if he wasn't willing he wouldn't have started this in the first place, just like if I wasn't willing. Besides, what about all those other couples who have met online, and are now married or at least still together, despite the distance?? Just because your online dating didn't work out for you, or you met your partner in person, doesn't make you better than those of us who have not met our online boyfriends yet. I didn't even meet James on a dating site, I met him on a photography site. And I was not out looking for a relationship at the time, and neither was he.
Sorry for the rant, but closed-minded people like that bother me. I know James will be here soon, but I have a plan: if worse comes to worse and he has not come here by August, then I will know that this is not going to work out. I won't let it go on for years without meeting him, that's just ridiculous when girls do that. No matter how many "legit" excuses a guy can come up with for not meeting you, if he really wants to meet you in person he will get his ass to you. Me and James are having this issue with his passport taking longer than we thought it would, but with any luck it should be here this week or next week. But if this keeps going on, meaning I still haven't met him by August due to multiple excuses on his part, like I said I think I would end things with him unfortunately. It breaks my heart to think about that, but I would get over it and move on.
I really do hope things work out for the better for us, and once he gets his passport we can finally move forward with a new meeting date. This waiting is really hard, and it's torture. I just can't wait for the day when he comes online and tells me that he got his passport. It'll be a huge weight off our shoulders. I know I will probably cry, lol.
Anyway, that's all for today. Hopefully the next time I post will be with good news.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Anticipation
The anticipation of waiting for his passport is killing me. Another week passed without anything. I'm also scared that there's a chance that for some reason he might not get it. I don't think that would happen, I think if he wasn't going to get it they would have told him that the last time he went there which was almost two weeks ago. They wouldn't screw around with him this long if he wasn't going to get it at all. It's just taking longer than we thought it would.
It's been 10 days since May 7, the day he was originally supposed to be here. That's kinda crazy the time went that fast. I just hope his passport comes this coming week, or the last week of May and that they don't delay us that much longer. But like I've said, all we can do is go about our normal lives and see what happens.
I really want this to work. I care about him a lot. I want him to be who he says he is and I want the fantasy I have with him to be real. But I won't give up hope yet. There's still 2 more weeks of May left. He's told me that if he doesn't get his passport by then, that I should dump him since it's not fair to make me wait this long. Well, I've told him that I will give him until the end of August. If we have not met in person by then, and he keeps making excuses not to meet (as in something seems to come up every time we try) then something is wrong there and I'll probably have to end it.
I don't want it to come to that. But, at least it's better than some girls who fell for catfish online..they let this go on for years and let the guy make excuse after excuse not to meet. I don't think James is a catfish but if for some reason we can't meet at all I will be very suspicious. I've seen him on skype obviously, so he's definitely the same as he is in his photos. And it's not like the image of him on skype is blurry all the time, so I know it is him. Just that he could be lying about meeting me to make me feel good, and then he could even be lying about even applying for his passport and then when I wonder why it's not coming, he could just tell me it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks.
I saw a girl who was caught up with a catfish for 5 years, and the person never met them because there was always some kind of extreme (or not so extreme but lame excuses not to meet) drama. Some of the excuses were "broke my finger and am on pain meds", "my sister/family member got in an accident", "I don't want you to see me weak and sick", "my migraine turned into a brain tumour" and it just goes on with constant drama. Yes, James did have a death in his family but it wasn't an excuse not to meet. It was an unfortunate life event.
But if he does get his passport, we make a date and then something else comes up yet again, and then again, I'll just be like yeah I can't let this go on. Or if he tells me that he can't get his passport because of his legal case, that'll raise a red flag. Pretty sure people with worse legal issues get passports. I just don't know if it really takes that much longer to process if there's a legal issue.
Well, I have to think of it this way: if he's meant to be, he will be here. If God wants me to meet him, then James will be here. If shit keeps coming up that he can't meet me, then this probably won't work out and it was another learning experience even though it will suck and hurt that I never even got to feel his arms around me. All I can do is pray for good things to happen soon, that he soon gets his passport and we can make another date.
He did apply for the 3 weeks one, and that was on or around March 20th. Obviously the passport office is only open on business days, so they don't count weekends as part of the "week". It's been 39 days, not counting weekends and holidays. We have to think of the short weeks that we've had as well. So technically it's only been 5 and a half weeks since he applied for it since they don't do any work on it on the weekends or holidays, like I said. When I think of it that way, it doesn't seem that strange.
If he had've gotten it 3 weeks later, he likely would have got it around April 20th ish (again not counting weekends or holidays). Which makes sense, because that's around when we were expecting it to come. But when he went to the office around that time and they told him it would be another 2 - 3 weeks or so, we were upset. If that were true, he would have gotten it this week. Then he went to the office again almost two weeks ago (counting weekends), and they said it would be another 2 - 3 weeks. So yes, it definitely should be here soon if the passport people are right. Next week or at the very latest, the week after.
Part of the reason we wanted to wait 7 months is because we wanted to see if our relationship could endure that much time apart, and so far we've passed with flying colours. Sure we've had a few thoughts of breaking up, only because he felt like he wasn't worthy of me when his passport didn't come on time. And I felt like, well what if he's not really who he says he is and doesn't really want to meet me? Plus I was feeling insecure and like he should meet a girl there who he doesn't have to go through all this trouble for. But we're overcoming the rough patches. Another reason we wanted to wait is because I thought I gave him enough time to get his passport together and move.
He does regret not applying for his passport earlier. He said he feels stupid for not doing that. I'm not sure why he didn't, but I guess he thought he had more time and didn't realize his legal case would give him trouble. But still. We both did think he had more time. But, now we're here, and with any luck it will be here this coming week or the week after. It's just a matter of when.
Yeah I know, a lot of worrying. But that happens a lot in LDRs. I just really hope that soon I'll have some good news to post.
It's been 10 days since May 7, the day he was originally supposed to be here. That's kinda crazy the time went that fast. I just hope his passport comes this coming week, or the last week of May and that they don't delay us that much longer. But like I've said, all we can do is go about our normal lives and see what happens.
I really want this to work. I care about him a lot. I want him to be who he says he is and I want the fantasy I have with him to be real. But I won't give up hope yet. There's still 2 more weeks of May left. He's told me that if he doesn't get his passport by then, that I should dump him since it's not fair to make me wait this long. Well, I've told him that I will give him until the end of August. If we have not met in person by then, and he keeps making excuses not to meet (as in something seems to come up every time we try) then something is wrong there and I'll probably have to end it.
I don't want it to come to that. But, at least it's better than some girls who fell for catfish online..they let this go on for years and let the guy make excuse after excuse not to meet. I don't think James is a catfish but if for some reason we can't meet at all I will be very suspicious. I've seen him on skype obviously, so he's definitely the same as he is in his photos. And it's not like the image of him on skype is blurry all the time, so I know it is him. Just that he could be lying about meeting me to make me feel good, and then he could even be lying about even applying for his passport and then when I wonder why it's not coming, he could just tell me it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks.
I saw a girl who was caught up with a catfish for 5 years, and the person never met them because there was always some kind of extreme (or not so extreme but lame excuses not to meet) drama. Some of the excuses were "broke my finger and am on pain meds", "my sister/family member got in an accident", "I don't want you to see me weak and sick", "my migraine turned into a brain tumour" and it just goes on with constant drama. Yes, James did have a death in his family but it wasn't an excuse not to meet. It was an unfortunate life event.
But if he does get his passport, we make a date and then something else comes up yet again, and then again, I'll just be like yeah I can't let this go on. Or if he tells me that he can't get his passport because of his legal case, that'll raise a red flag. Pretty sure people with worse legal issues get passports. I just don't know if it really takes that much longer to process if there's a legal issue.
Well, I have to think of it this way: if he's meant to be, he will be here. If God wants me to meet him, then James will be here. If shit keeps coming up that he can't meet me, then this probably won't work out and it was another learning experience even though it will suck and hurt that I never even got to feel his arms around me. All I can do is pray for good things to happen soon, that he soon gets his passport and we can make another date.
He did apply for the 3 weeks one, and that was on or around March 20th. Obviously the passport office is only open on business days, so they don't count weekends as part of the "week". It's been 39 days, not counting weekends and holidays. We have to think of the short weeks that we've had as well. So technically it's only been 5 and a half weeks since he applied for it since they don't do any work on it on the weekends or holidays, like I said. When I think of it that way, it doesn't seem that strange.
If he had've gotten it 3 weeks later, he likely would have got it around April 20th ish (again not counting weekends or holidays). Which makes sense, because that's around when we were expecting it to come. But when he went to the office around that time and they told him it would be another 2 - 3 weeks or so, we were upset. If that were true, he would have gotten it this week. Then he went to the office again almost two weeks ago (counting weekends), and they said it would be another 2 - 3 weeks. So yes, it definitely should be here soon if the passport people are right. Next week or at the very latest, the week after.
Part of the reason we wanted to wait 7 months is because we wanted to see if our relationship could endure that much time apart, and so far we've passed with flying colours. Sure we've had a few thoughts of breaking up, only because he felt like he wasn't worthy of me when his passport didn't come on time. And I felt like, well what if he's not really who he says he is and doesn't really want to meet me? Plus I was feeling insecure and like he should meet a girl there who he doesn't have to go through all this trouble for. But we're overcoming the rough patches. Another reason we wanted to wait is because I thought I gave him enough time to get his passport together and move.
He does regret not applying for his passport earlier. He said he feels stupid for not doing that. I'm not sure why he didn't, but I guess he thought he had more time and didn't realize his legal case would give him trouble. But still. We both did think he had more time. But, now we're here, and with any luck it will be here this coming week or the week after. It's just a matter of when.
Yeah I know, a lot of worrying. But that happens a lot in LDRs. I just really hope that soon I'll have some good news to post.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Trouble Communicating Via Skype...
Has anyone ever had trouble communicating as much as me and James do?
I haven't seen him on skype since Sunday. He worked closing on Monday, then skype wouldn't work Tuesday, then he worked close on Wednesday, and now of course skype won't fucking let any calls go through. It just keeps saying "no answer" when I tried to call him, and he said it did the same when he tried to call me. I did updates on my computer today, and since then it has been acting funny. I was fighting with the internet for a while until I finally got it to work again, and then this stupid shit with skype. And of course, guess what, James works closing again tomorrow, while I work in the morning, so I won't get another chance to try until Saturday night after I'm off work :'(
That makes 6 days without seeing each other even on cam, and I miss him so much :( It's pissing me off too. I mean, what's an LDR if you can't even see each other on cam? I know it pisses him off. I guess the only thing we can do is try to find some other video chat site, but there are barely any good ones out there that I want to use. I think it's because he has Windows 7 and I have Windows 8 therefore communication between the two is not as good as it would be if we both had Windows 8 since the programs are slightly different now. That's my theory, since anyone else I talk to on there has Windows 8 and skype works fine. Plus James' crappy internet connection doesn't help either, his is worse than mine sometimes.
Anyway, it's really pissing me off. I was so looking forward to seeing him and then...of course, I can't. I miss him so much. I just want to see his smile again but of course shit fucks up and I can't. I think this is probably the longest since we've started doing this, that we've gone without seeing each other on cam. Well, like I said, I can't try again until Saturday, and hope he doesn't get too many closing days again next week. I'm going to try looking into other video chat programs though, maybe browser based ones would work better.
Well I have to sleep now, I'm working early and I'm tired and still feeling sick from the period cramps attack I had on Wednesday at work. It was very painful and I'm still taking a beating from it. So I'm going to rest now and at least I'll get a note from him tomorrow and get to talk to him while I'm on my break at work.
I just need to see him in person like really soon, I really hope he gets his passport this month so I can see him next month. I hate being in limbo, unable to move forward because we're waiting on something. Sigh. We could use some good news soon :(
I haven't seen him on skype since Sunday. He worked closing on Monday, then skype wouldn't work Tuesday, then he worked close on Wednesday, and now of course skype won't fucking let any calls go through. It just keeps saying "no answer" when I tried to call him, and he said it did the same when he tried to call me. I did updates on my computer today, and since then it has been acting funny. I was fighting with the internet for a while until I finally got it to work again, and then this stupid shit with skype. And of course, guess what, James works closing again tomorrow, while I work in the morning, so I won't get another chance to try until Saturday night after I'm off work :'(
That makes 6 days without seeing each other even on cam, and I miss him so much :( It's pissing me off too. I mean, what's an LDR if you can't even see each other on cam? I know it pisses him off. I guess the only thing we can do is try to find some other video chat site, but there are barely any good ones out there that I want to use. I think it's because he has Windows 7 and I have Windows 8 therefore communication between the two is not as good as it would be if we both had Windows 8 since the programs are slightly different now. That's my theory, since anyone else I talk to on there has Windows 8 and skype works fine. Plus James' crappy internet connection doesn't help either, his is worse than mine sometimes.
Anyway, it's really pissing me off. I was so looking forward to seeing him and then...of course, I can't. I miss him so much. I just want to see his smile again but of course shit fucks up and I can't. I think this is probably the longest since we've started doing this, that we've gone without seeing each other on cam. Well, like I said, I can't try again until Saturday, and hope he doesn't get too many closing days again next week. I'm going to try looking into other video chat programs though, maybe browser based ones would work better.
Well I have to sleep now, I'm working early and I'm tired and still feeling sick from the period cramps attack I had on Wednesday at work. It was very painful and I'm still taking a beating from it. So I'm going to rest now and at least I'll get a note from him tomorrow and get to talk to him while I'm on my break at work.
I just need to see him in person like really soon, I really hope he gets his passport this month so I can see him next month. I hate being in limbo, unable to move forward because we're waiting on something. Sigh. We could use some good news soon :(
Monday, May 12, 2014
Late Night Musings
Even though me and James were both still bummed about his passport, we're still together and don't have any plans of breaking up. We're just ready to see each other now, and so long as the passport people are right and it comes next week or the week after, I will be able to see him in June :D
James said he'll probably go back to the passport office next week to get another update. In the meantime all we can do is cross our fingers and hope for some good news or that it comes soon. But like I said, the plan is still the same: once he has his passport in hand, he'll put in his 2 week notice at work, then move, and then come and see me. We don't have a date yet, but it's just a matter of when he'll get his passport.
I'm sure other LDR relationships have had this problem. When you're looking forward to a date and then it doesn't happen because of life situations. I know that when my sister dated a guy she met in college, after she came back here they were LDR and at first things were fine, but after a while it got so that he just kinda gave up on making dates with her and would always have some excuse as to why he couldn't make it. I'm just worried about the same thing happening with me and James: if he keeps thinking of excuses not to come.
I told him that if it comes down to it, I'll go there to meet him if I have to. He said he really wants to come here first and meet my parents so they can trust that I'll be in good hands once I do go down there. I'm sure me going there would be a last resort, but he'd do it. I might have to drag my mom along though lol. And pay for her ticket and passport too :/
I mean, it does make sense that he wants to meet my parents and family to assure them that he's real and not some stalker out to hurt me or some scammer just brainwashing me. I'm going to start getting suspicious if his passport doesn't get here soon, or if he goes back there next week and they tell him it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks. That'll send a red flag to me.
I'm not stupid. If this were a bad case scenario, and he were a scammer, just because he says he wants to meet me, doesn't mean he'll actually do it, that's if he had intentions of hurting me. I'm aware that he could be lying to me about everything. And it would really hurt my feelings (and ego) if he was. But I highly doubt he's lying or brainwashing me. I think his intentions are true and nothing about him has sent red flags so far.
I just can't wait to start posting photos of us together, because I know that some people probably still doubt us or think we're crazy. Or they probably think I'm being scammed since you know, every person on the internet that isn't already your friend in person, is a scammer according to some people. But once James is here and I prove them all wrong, it'll be amazing. I've already had some people tell me that it's starting to sound suspicious. So, yeah, it'll be nice once James is really here, then they'll feel like idiots for doubting me.
I do know that once I can post about him getting his passport, it'll be the best post of my life. I can't wait for that day, and I can't wait until he shows it to me on cam. But like I said, until then all we can do is just go about our normal lives and wait eagerly for the day that we can announce a new meeting date.
So I think that's all for now, I'm probably going to sleep soon.
James said he'll probably go back to the passport office next week to get another update. In the meantime all we can do is cross our fingers and hope for some good news or that it comes soon. But like I said, the plan is still the same: once he has his passport in hand, he'll put in his 2 week notice at work, then move, and then come and see me. We don't have a date yet, but it's just a matter of when he'll get his passport.
I'm sure other LDR relationships have had this problem. When you're looking forward to a date and then it doesn't happen because of life situations. I know that when my sister dated a guy she met in college, after she came back here they were LDR and at first things were fine, but after a while it got so that he just kinda gave up on making dates with her and would always have some excuse as to why he couldn't make it. I'm just worried about the same thing happening with me and James: if he keeps thinking of excuses not to come.
I told him that if it comes down to it, I'll go there to meet him if I have to. He said he really wants to come here first and meet my parents so they can trust that I'll be in good hands once I do go down there. I'm sure me going there would be a last resort, but he'd do it. I might have to drag my mom along though lol. And pay for her ticket and passport too :/
I mean, it does make sense that he wants to meet my parents and family to assure them that he's real and not some stalker out to hurt me or some scammer just brainwashing me. I'm going to start getting suspicious if his passport doesn't get here soon, or if he goes back there next week and they tell him it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks. That'll send a red flag to me.
I'm not stupid. If this were a bad case scenario, and he were a scammer, just because he says he wants to meet me, doesn't mean he'll actually do it, that's if he had intentions of hurting me. I'm aware that he could be lying to me about everything. And it would really hurt my feelings (and ego) if he was. But I highly doubt he's lying or brainwashing me. I think his intentions are true and nothing about him has sent red flags so far.
I just can't wait to start posting photos of us together, because I know that some people probably still doubt us or think we're crazy. Or they probably think I'm being scammed since you know, every person on the internet that isn't already your friend in person, is a scammer according to some people. But once James is here and I prove them all wrong, it'll be amazing. I've already had some people tell me that it's starting to sound suspicious. So, yeah, it'll be nice once James is really here, then they'll feel like idiots for doubting me.
I do know that once I can post about him getting his passport, it'll be the best post of my life. I can't wait for that day, and I can't wait until he shows it to me on cam. But like I said, until then all we can do is just go about our normal lives and wait eagerly for the day that we can announce a new meeting date.
So I think that's all for now, I'm probably going to sleep soon.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Bad News
James went to the passport office on Tuesday. He said that they told him another 2 - 3 weeks. Of course. So, it could be mid-June before he's here. But he said in another 2 weeks he'll go back to the office for another update, if he hasn't got it by then. Sigh. I didn't think a small legal case that was closed over a year ago (he didn't do anything illegal, it's just he was accused of something he didn't do) would give us this much trouble with a passport. But, I'll wait.
However, I'm not going to wait all summer. In a worst case scenario, if I haven't met him by the end of August, I'm not sure if things will work out, plus it'll send up a red flag to me. I know he wants to meet me. I just don't want things to keep getting "delayed". It'll make it feel like he doesn't want to meet me after all. I also don't want to keep getting my hopes up of having him visit "soon", only to keep having some excuse as to why he's delayed yet again. You can understand how that would get frustrating.
I can understand the first few times. So, something went wrong with his passport. We'll just wait as we have been doing for the past 7+ months. Now it's only a matter of when he gets his passport, he'll put in his 2 week notice at work, then move, then come and see me. The plan is still the same, it's just a matter of when.
Also, I don't want people to judge us, and tell me that "this is getting suspicious" or "he's not coming, he's just leading you on" etc. I've already had a couple of my friends tell me that this is sounding suspicious. I told them I know what I'm doing. I'm not going into this stupidly. If this is a red flag, I will have to end the relationship. But like I said, I'll give him a few months, and if we haven't met by then, well...yeah. That's not good.
We took this news better this time than we did last time. I guess because we prepared ourselves for it, as in we talked to each other and reassured each other that we weren't going to let this break us up. Last time we got all depressed, and he suddenly doubted himself and told me he didn't want me to wait for him, etc. This time, we're just going on as normal even though we are both sad.
Since, originally, he was supposed to be here yesterday, I keep thinking about what we could be doing if he had been able to make it on time. It does make me a little sad, but I will just look forward to doing those things with him in (hopefully) the near future.
However, I'm not going to wait all summer. In a worst case scenario, if I haven't met him by the end of August, I'm not sure if things will work out, plus it'll send up a red flag to me. I know he wants to meet me. I just don't want things to keep getting "delayed". It'll make it feel like he doesn't want to meet me after all. I also don't want to keep getting my hopes up of having him visit "soon", only to keep having some excuse as to why he's delayed yet again. You can understand how that would get frustrating.
I can understand the first few times. So, something went wrong with his passport. We'll just wait as we have been doing for the past 7+ months. Now it's only a matter of when he gets his passport, he'll put in his 2 week notice at work, then move, then come and see me. The plan is still the same, it's just a matter of when.
Also, I don't want people to judge us, and tell me that "this is getting suspicious" or "he's not coming, he's just leading you on" etc. I've already had a couple of my friends tell me that this is sounding suspicious. I told them I know what I'm doing. I'm not going into this stupidly. If this is a red flag, I will have to end the relationship. But like I said, I'll give him a few months, and if we haven't met by then, well...yeah. That's not good.
We took this news better this time than we did last time. I guess because we prepared ourselves for it, as in we talked to each other and reassured each other that we weren't going to let this break us up. Last time we got all depressed, and he suddenly doubted himself and told me he didn't want me to wait for him, etc. This time, we're just going on as normal even though we are both sad.
Since, originally, he was supposed to be here yesterday, I keep thinking about what we could be doing if he had been able to make it on time. It does make me a little sad, but I will just look forward to doing those things with him in (hopefully) the near future.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Soon We Will Know...
Well, James is heading out to the passport place earlier than expected today, due to his allergies being bad. He told me that he feels awful but going to the office is worth it for me. I love when he says things like that. I'm a sap, but I love romance.
I'm getting nervous, I won't hear the news until I'm on break at work. I just can't think too much about it or it'll freak me out. I'm just scared that he'll come on and tell me "they said I have to wait another 3 weeks". Even though they said that last time he went, and that was two weeks ago. Ugh. It's driving me nuts, but soon we'll know. I'm praying for good news, but expecting bad. I just don't want to get my hopes up and then be crushed with disappointment like I was last time. Even though I will still be disappointed and depressed if his passport is delayed even more. I just really want things to work out, and I want to meet him. I know he wants to meet me too.
Anyway, I'm leaving for work in a little over an hour. At least it'll keep me busy rather than me being here twiddling my thumbs in anticipation. And I'm still coughing from a cold that I got a week and 2 days ago. It feels like it won't go away. So I guess in a way it's good that he's not coming tomorrow as we had originally planned. I would still be coughing and not feeling like myself.
I'm guessing he's probably at the passport office now, this is when I really wish we had texting so he could just text me and then tell me rather than me having to wait. But, either way I'll know in less than 5 hours.
I just really hope it's good news :(
I'm getting nervous, I won't hear the news until I'm on break at work. I just can't think too much about it or it'll freak me out. I'm just scared that he'll come on and tell me "they said I have to wait another 3 weeks". Even though they said that last time he went, and that was two weeks ago. Ugh. It's driving me nuts, but soon we'll know. I'm praying for good news, but expecting bad. I just don't want to get my hopes up and then be crushed with disappointment like I was last time. Even though I will still be disappointed and depressed if his passport is delayed even more. I just really want things to work out, and I want to meet him. I know he wants to meet me too.
Anyway, I'm leaving for work in a little over an hour. At least it'll keep me busy rather than me being here twiddling my thumbs in anticipation. And I'm still coughing from a cold that I got a week and 2 days ago. It feels like it won't go away. So I guess in a way it's good that he's not coming tomorrow as we had originally planned. I would still be coughing and not feeling like myself.
I'm guessing he's probably at the passport office now, this is when I really wish we had texting so he could just text me and then tell me rather than me having to wait. But, either way I'll know in less than 5 hours.
I just really hope it's good news :(
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Nervous...
I'm really nervous about Tuesday, when James goes in to check on his passport. He told me that if they're going to make him wait a lot longer, then he feels bad about failing me and he doesn't want to make me wait. In other words, this relationship could end if we get bad news again.
It's not that he doesn't want to be with me. It's that he doesn't want to fail me and he hates people waiting on him. He also feels bad that he should have applied for it sooner, then we could have been getting ready to see each other now. I think that he doesn't want to make me wait for him, so that I can move on and find someone here if things don't work out with me and him. I can't really see me doing that, or at least moving on, for a long time.
I don't want to give up. I want to meet him. I want to start my life with him. I'm really worried that if we get more bad news on Tuesday, it'll bring him down a lot, make him depressed, and we'll end up fighting for a few days again as we try to decide on our relationship future from there on. Or, the worst should happen and we'll just break up. We're both stressing out, worried, anxious. Even though when James went there 2 weeks ago, and they told him it should be ready in about 3 weeks, he said he doesn't trust them. Something else could come up that'll screw us over even more.
Tuesday can't come soon enough. I'll know the news on Tuesday, on my break at work since he has Tuesday off and can just talk to me on Facebook on my phone while I'm at work. I'll be so anxious the first half of my day at work, and then if we get bad news, I'll be depressed for the last few hours. We're both praying really hard that something good happens, because we really want to meet each other. He said that when he goes to church tomorrow he'll be thinking/praying about it. I will be too, even though I don't go to church (I am religious though).
I'll leave it in God's hands now. If God wants us to meet, then we will meet. If it's not meant to be, then that'll be very, very disappointing and upsetting but another thing to heal from and learn from. No matter how hard I wish and pray for good news, I can't change it if the news is bad. It's going to drive me crazy until then. I just hope the next few days goes by fast.
Wednesday is mine and James' 7 month anniversary. We'll either be celebrating with happy news, or fighting/breaking up with bad news. Tuesday is going to be a very emotional day either way, and I'm glad that I have Wednesday off work to cope with bad news (if it's that) from Tuesday.
This is when I wish I could fast forward to the future, because I'm too anxious to sit here and wait. But I'll try not to dwell on it and just keep going as normal as I have been.
Please God, let there be good news on Tuesday and his passport will be ready soon. I really want to meet him. I want to start my life with him and I want him to be mine. I want this LDR to work badly, and now it all comes down to this one day.
I just hate that I could be losing out on the best thing that's ever happened to me, all because of a stupid passport. Ugh, it's driving me nuts.
It's not that he doesn't want to be with me. It's that he doesn't want to fail me and he hates people waiting on him. He also feels bad that he should have applied for it sooner, then we could have been getting ready to see each other now. I think that he doesn't want to make me wait for him, so that I can move on and find someone here if things don't work out with me and him. I can't really see me doing that, or at least moving on, for a long time.
I don't want to give up. I want to meet him. I want to start my life with him. I'm really worried that if we get more bad news on Tuesday, it'll bring him down a lot, make him depressed, and we'll end up fighting for a few days again as we try to decide on our relationship future from there on. Or, the worst should happen and we'll just break up. We're both stressing out, worried, anxious. Even though when James went there 2 weeks ago, and they told him it should be ready in about 3 weeks, he said he doesn't trust them. Something else could come up that'll screw us over even more.
Tuesday can't come soon enough. I'll know the news on Tuesday, on my break at work since he has Tuesday off and can just talk to me on Facebook on my phone while I'm at work. I'll be so anxious the first half of my day at work, and then if we get bad news, I'll be depressed for the last few hours. We're both praying really hard that something good happens, because we really want to meet each other. He said that when he goes to church tomorrow he'll be thinking/praying about it. I will be too, even though I don't go to church (I am religious though).
I'll leave it in God's hands now. If God wants us to meet, then we will meet. If it's not meant to be, then that'll be very, very disappointing and upsetting but another thing to heal from and learn from. No matter how hard I wish and pray for good news, I can't change it if the news is bad. It's going to drive me crazy until then. I just hope the next few days goes by fast.
Wednesday is mine and James' 7 month anniversary. We'll either be celebrating with happy news, or fighting/breaking up with bad news. Tuesday is going to be a very emotional day either way, and I'm glad that I have Wednesday off work to cope with bad news (if it's that) from Tuesday.
This is when I wish I could fast forward to the future, because I'm too anxious to sit here and wait. But I'll try not to dwell on it and just keep going as normal as I have been.
Please God, let there be good news on Tuesday and his passport will be ready soon. I really want to meet him. I want to start my life with him and I want him to be mine. I want this LDR to work badly, and now it all comes down to this one day.
I just hate that I could be losing out on the best thing that's ever happened to me, all because of a stupid passport. Ugh, it's driving me nuts.
Friday, May 2, 2014
The Little Things
Being in an LDR really makes one appreciate the little things. Like today, James called me beautiful and I had a stupid grin on my face. And earlier today, he said that he's going to marry me, and I'm going to be his wife, of course that almost made me cry. I know it's too soon to talk about that since we haven't met yet, but I know we both agree that we are soulmates. And of course, I wouldn't accept a true proposal online. He'd have to propose to me in person, and he's told me that he wants to do it in New York. I just think that proposing online is not romantic or true. That's why I don't get those women who fall for scammers when they propose online.
I know a lot of local relationships take each other for granted, including the time they spend together. Like, take my former best friend for example. He gets to be with his girlfriend everyday. He literally has time for no one else. Most girls who are in local relationships, especially those in relationships for a long time, start to just kind of brush it off when their guy gives them compliments or does sweet things for them. It's like "oh he gave me flowers again, it's sweet but why doesn't he do something different for once?" where with me, no guy has ever given me flowers. And I've had decently long relationships. My longest being 1.5 years, the shortest being 1 month. Most of them lasted around 8 months to 1 year on average.
James says he'll get me flowers, and if he does he'll be the first. And of course I'll probably cry. I often joked to my family "the guy who gets me flowers will be the one" and now I think that'll come true :P No matter how many flowers he gets me, I'll love it because it's from him, and from the heart, because someone finally listened to what I really want. I've also never had a guy randomly surprise me with cute things, like while going shopping "oh I think Alicia will like that". I've done that for them, but they never did it for me, at least not often. I don't expect much, just cute surprises here and there. Also, the worst was, I was always the one initiating the plans. It was never them offering to go out, always me. James says he's spontaneously romantic and I like that.
He hasn't sent me anything in the mail yet, but he will once he moves. Then again, hopefully by the time he moves, he has his passport so he can just come and see me anyway. But after that, we'll start sending each other things. He told me that once he gets a car, he'll just say "I'm coming to see you" and then we'll plan a couple weeks ahead. So, that'll be nice.
I really hope that we get word on his passport soon. He is going back to the passport place this coming Tuesday so we'll hopefully know more by then. And then, Wednesday is our 7 month anniversary, which will be bittersweet for both of us because on the one hand, it's amazing we've survived 7 months long distance. On the other hand, it's sad because he should have been here if his passport had come on time :( And, it sucks even worse, because he works night and since he started at a new department at work, he can't call out for the first 2 weeks :( So I won't even get to see him on cam for our anniversary and I'll be alone that night to mope about him not being here since I don't work on Wednesday :( He was upset about it when he told me, and he said that he could try to get someone in his new department to switch with him. But I don't know if that'll happen. But, if we get some good news on Tuesday from the passport place, it shouldn't be so much of a downer to spend our anniversary alone. I'll just be thinking about the future trip.
Anyway, I'm about to pass out now so I'm heading off to bed, but this was just a little blurb about how being in an LDR makes a person appreciate the little things someone does for them/says to them.
I know a lot of local relationships take each other for granted, including the time they spend together. Like, take my former best friend for example. He gets to be with his girlfriend everyday. He literally has time for no one else. Most girls who are in local relationships, especially those in relationships for a long time, start to just kind of brush it off when their guy gives them compliments or does sweet things for them. It's like "oh he gave me flowers again, it's sweet but why doesn't he do something different for once?" where with me, no guy has ever given me flowers. And I've had decently long relationships. My longest being 1.5 years, the shortest being 1 month. Most of them lasted around 8 months to 1 year on average.
James says he'll get me flowers, and if he does he'll be the first. And of course I'll probably cry. I often joked to my family "the guy who gets me flowers will be the one" and now I think that'll come true :P No matter how many flowers he gets me, I'll love it because it's from him, and from the heart, because someone finally listened to what I really want. I've also never had a guy randomly surprise me with cute things, like while going shopping "oh I think Alicia will like that". I've done that for them, but they never did it for me, at least not often. I don't expect much, just cute surprises here and there. Also, the worst was, I was always the one initiating the plans. It was never them offering to go out, always me. James says he's spontaneously romantic and I like that.
He hasn't sent me anything in the mail yet, but he will once he moves. Then again, hopefully by the time he moves, he has his passport so he can just come and see me anyway. But after that, we'll start sending each other things. He told me that once he gets a car, he'll just say "I'm coming to see you" and then we'll plan a couple weeks ahead. So, that'll be nice.
I really hope that we get word on his passport soon. He is going back to the passport place this coming Tuesday so we'll hopefully know more by then. And then, Wednesday is our 7 month anniversary, which will be bittersweet for both of us because on the one hand, it's amazing we've survived 7 months long distance. On the other hand, it's sad because he should have been here if his passport had come on time :( And, it sucks even worse, because he works night and since he started at a new department at work, he can't call out for the first 2 weeks :( So I won't even get to see him on cam for our anniversary and I'll be alone that night to mope about him not being here since I don't work on Wednesday :( He was upset about it when he told me, and he said that he could try to get someone in his new department to switch with him. But I don't know if that'll happen. But, if we get some good news on Tuesday from the passport place, it shouldn't be so much of a downer to spend our anniversary alone. I'll just be thinking about the future trip.
Anyway, I'm about to pass out now so I'm heading off to bed, but this was just a little blurb about how being in an LDR makes a person appreciate the little things someone does for them/says to them.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Being in an LDR
When people say "so you can't find anyone in your town, lol no one in your town likes you?" here's what you tell them:
"Being in an LDR doesn't mean that I am weak and that no one likes me. It means that I am pretty damn special to someone. He cares about me enough that he's willing to overcome all obstacles to be with me."
We connected simply through sending messages, chatting and eventually seeing each other on skype. It's pretty much like hanging out in a real world relationship, only we have a more serious and special connection. We have to be so patient, trusting, honest, open with literally everything. We are 1400kms apart, we live in different countries and are from different cultures. Yet, our souls are connected in such a way that it feels like he is here with me all the time.
So, no one likes me, huh?
I'm feeling melancholy. Missing James a lot tonight since he works night shift. But at least he's calling out of work tomorrow so that I'll get to talk to him in the morning before I go to work, and also he'll rest from all the drama and emotions he's been going through with his cousin's death and everything.
I'm really looking forward to the day that he tells me he got his passport so we can finally move forward and set a new date and begin planning things again. Just that now we're still stuck, and it's kinda frustrating.
Sorry for the short entry, I might write better tomorrow.
"Being in an LDR doesn't mean that I am weak and that no one likes me. It means that I am pretty damn special to someone. He cares about me enough that he's willing to overcome all obstacles to be with me."
We connected simply through sending messages, chatting and eventually seeing each other on skype. It's pretty much like hanging out in a real world relationship, only we have a more serious and special connection. We have to be so patient, trusting, honest, open with literally everything. We are 1400kms apart, we live in different countries and are from different cultures. Yet, our souls are connected in such a way that it feels like he is here with me all the time.
So, no one likes me, huh?
I'm feeling melancholy. Missing James a lot tonight since he works night shift. But at least he's calling out of work tomorrow so that I'll get to talk to him in the morning before I go to work, and also he'll rest from all the drama and emotions he's been going through with his cousin's death and everything.
I'm really looking forward to the day that he tells me he got his passport so we can finally move forward and set a new date and begin planning things again. Just that now we're still stuck, and it's kinda frustrating.
Sorry for the short entry, I might write better tomorrow.
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