Anticipation

The anticipation of waiting for his passport is killing me. Another week passed without anything. I'm also scared that there's a chance that for some reason he might not get it. I don't think that would happen, I think if he wasn't going to get it they would have told him that the last time he went there which was almost two weeks ago. They wouldn't screw around with him this long if he wasn't going to get it at all. It's just taking longer than we thought it would.

It's been 10 days since May 7, the day he was originally supposed to be here. That's kinda crazy the time went that fast. I just hope his passport comes this coming week, or the last week of May and that they don't delay us that much longer. But like I've said, all we can do is go about our normal lives and see what happens.

I really want this to work. I care about him a lot. I want him to be who he says he is and I want the fantasy I have with him to be real. But I won't give up hope yet. There's still 2 more weeks of May left. He's told me that if he doesn't get his passport by then, that I should dump him since it's not fair to make me wait this long. Well, I've told him that I will give him until the end of August. If we have not met in person by then, and he keeps making excuses not to meet (as in something seems to come up every time we try) then something is wrong there and I'll probably have to end it.

I don't want it to come to that. But, at least it's better than some girls who fell for catfish online..they let this go on for years and let the guy make excuse after excuse not to meet. I don't think James is a catfish but if for some reason we can't meet at all I will be very suspicious. I've seen him on skype obviously, so he's definitely the same as he is in his photos. And it's not like the image of him on skype is blurry all the time, so I know it is him. Just that he could be lying about meeting me to make me feel good, and then he could even be lying about even applying for his passport and then when I wonder why it's not coming, he could just tell me it'll be another 2 - 3 weeks.

I saw a girl who was caught up with a catfish for 5 years, and the person never met them because there was always some kind of extreme (or not so extreme but lame excuses not to meet) drama. Some of the excuses were "broke my finger and am on pain meds", "my sister/family member got in an accident", "I don't want you to see me weak and sick", "my migraine turned into a brain tumour" and it just goes on with constant drama. Yes, James did have a death in his family but it wasn't an excuse not to meet. It was an unfortunate life event.

But if he does get his passport, we make a date and then something else comes up yet again, and then again, I'll just be like yeah I can't let this go on. Or if he tells me that he can't get his passport because of his legal case, that'll raise a red flag. Pretty sure people with worse legal issues get passports. I just don't know if it really takes that much longer to process if there's a legal issue.

Well, I have to think of it this way: if he's meant to be, he will be here. If God wants me to meet him, then James will be here. If shit keeps coming up that he can't meet me, then this probably won't work out and it was another learning experience even though it will suck and hurt that I never even got to feel his arms around me. All I can do is pray for good things to happen soon, that he soon gets his passport and we can make another date.

He did apply for the 3 weeks one, and that was on or around March 20th. Obviously the passport office is only open on business days, so they don't count weekends as part of the "week". It's been 39 days, not counting weekends and holidays. We have to think of the short weeks that we've had as well. So technically it's only been 5 and a half weeks since he applied for it since they don't do any work on it on the weekends or holidays, like I said. When I think of it that way, it doesn't seem that strange.

If he had've gotten it 3 weeks later, he likely would have got it around April 20th ish (again not counting weekends or holidays). Which makes sense, because that's around when we were expecting it to come. But when he went to the office around that time and they told him it would be another 2 - 3 weeks or so, we were upset. If that were true, he would have gotten it this week. Then he went to the office again almost two weeks ago (counting weekends), and they said it would be another 2 - 3 weeks. So yes, it definitely should be here soon if the passport people are right. Next week or at the very latest, the week after.

Part of the reason we wanted to wait 7 months is because we wanted to see if our relationship could endure that much time apart, and so far we've passed with flying colours. Sure we've had a few thoughts of breaking up, only because he felt like he wasn't worthy of me when his passport didn't come on time. And I felt like, well what if he's not really who he says he is and doesn't really want to meet me? Plus I was feeling insecure and like he should meet a girl there who he doesn't have to go through all this trouble for. But we're overcoming the rough patches. Another reason we wanted to wait is because I thought I gave him enough time to get his passport together and move.

He does regret not applying for his passport earlier. He said he feels stupid for not doing that. I'm not sure why he didn't, but I guess he thought he had more time and didn't realize his legal case would give him trouble. But still. We both did think he had more time. But, now we're here, and with any luck it will be here this coming week or the week after. It's just a matter of when.

Yeah I know, a lot of worrying. But that happens a lot in LDRs. I just really hope that soon I'll have some good news to post.