Four Month Anniversary

Did you ever feel totally alone, like no one cares, like nothing will ever go your way and your life will always be hopeless?

That's how I felt yesterday. So depressed, and I really am depressed because of not having a job. It seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing goes my way and I always get the short end of the stick. I don't have a horrible life...I mean my family and friends and relationship life is great. It's just that not having a job is eating at me and I'm feeling helpless. I don't even know what to do with my life anymore.

It's also hard when everyone around me gets to have what I want. One of my friends is in New York right now and was in Brooklyn the other day. Any LDR couple I've met online has already met their partners. People who aren't in LDRs get to be with their boyfriends whenever they want. My best friend got a car the other day. And just yesterday I heard on the news that an 11 year old girl who lives in New Brunswick is getting her first novel published, and only had to pitch it out 4 times before getting a bite (one of my dreams is to be a published author and I wrote a novel too). It's like all of this just keeps coming at me and I feel like I won't ever be the lucky one.

Then I talked to James, and of course I opened up about what was wrong with me. After that, we went back to talking about the normal things and my mood finally began to lift. I felt back to normal again and could talk to him on webcam without crying. Of course he made me smile and laugh as always. He even makes me smile just by thinking of him. I love him so much. I know it'll be amazing when we finally meet in person which is just THREE MONTHS from this day exactly <3

Today (February 7th) is our four month anniversary. Four amazing months, even though we have not met in person, hugged or kissed, I am in love and I don't care who calls me crazy or doubts me. It is really hard each day that passes that I don't get to hug him, kiss him or spend time with him. I know if we were in person, we'd be going out tomorrow after he gets off work. That part is hard to deal with, but we have to suck it up and we'll spend our seven month anniversary together.

I know we can do it <3