Trust

Trusting someone who lives in the same city as you can be difficult, let alone someone who is a few states/provinces/countries away. With LDRs and any other relationships you obviously have to trust the person or they'll get annoyed of you constantly assuming/accusing that they're going out and doing things that you don't approve of behind your back.

Imagine if you're in your partner's shoes. (I'm doing this from an LDR point of view because that's what this blog is focused on but it can apply to other relationships as well) You come home about an hour late from work because they kept you late and you got stuck in traffic. The logical (and true) explanation. You get online eager to talk to your partner, only to have them jump at you and say that you've been flirting with a co-worker, hanging out with others after work so that's why you're late, or maybe even having an affair or you found someone you like better. That's not something you really want to hear after a long day and it pushes your buttons every time they accuse you.

Alright, I'll admit I get jealous/worried/paranoid when James is late. I'm sure those thoughts cross every girl's (or even guy's) mind as they're waiting for their partner to come online. Most of it stems from being unable to trust guys in the past. I've dated guys who lied to me about everything, so I could not trust a thing that came out of their mouths by the end of it. I know, I've said I shouldn't let the past ruin what could possibly be my best relationship ever, but when I was with those other guys I never knew what the truth was, unless they admitted to doing something stupid/bad. There was always red flags with them, one of them cheated on me with online partners (and lied about it/made excuses until after we broke up, even though I already knew the truth, he just wouldn't admit it) and another probably physically cheated on me for all I know, still haven't confirmed that but I'm 99% sure he did.

James has not given me any red flags or any reason to doubt him, which is amazing considering he lives in a different country. So why should I let those idiots in my past cause me to doubt him as well? One thing to do, is if you're worried (or only think you're worried) about your partner doing something behind you're back, confront them but don't accuse them. If something is bothering you, just ask. If they're an honest person and you know they're honest, they'll tell you.

For example, you should say "babe, I saw this girl keeps writing comments on your photos, and she lives in your country, what's up with her" instead of "OMG you're cheating on me with that girl or you found one in your country you like better". An honest answer is "she's just a person I knew in high school who comments on my photos, I don't even talk to her or anything, it's not a big deal and if I wanted someone else I would have told you by now". A red flag answer is if you notice your man writing back to the girl and obviously being flattered by her attention, then he denies that he has anything to do with her or even denies that he knows her. Or if something just doesn't add up with his answer. Like, "I don't even know that girl, she just randomly added me, don't worry about it babe, and I was just being polite when I responded to her". I mean, if the guy is lying to you, you should be able to pick it up in his answers unless they are a really good liar and chances are you wouldn't find out until you caught them physically cheating, or cheating online which is just the same as physical cheating.

If you realize sooner or later that you just can't trust them no matter what they say or do, or what excuses they make, chances are they really are doing something, and you should check it out further. Otherwise, if you're satisfied with the answer they give you, then just leave it at that and everything should be fine. Don't drill them to the point that it becomes an argument and you start fighting over nothing. This also goes for girls. I mean, girls do cheat too, I'm not saying it's just the guys who cheat. If you're a mature guy you'll confront her instead of accuse her.

James has told me that if anything is bothering me, just talk to him but don't accuse him anymore. Accusing is the worst thing you could do and it makes your partner (if they're honest and not doing anything wrong) feel like you don't trust them. Trust is definitely a big part in any relationship, and being in an LDR you often worry that they'll find someone who lives closer to them. But, if they really love you and want things to work, they won't stray and will remain loyal to you. LDRs do work, you just have to believe in your partner and yourself, believe that you are good enough for them. If you find out they have been doing things behind your back, then that does hurt, but you really shouldn't try to make a relationship like that work because you could be missing out on meeting a really great person otherwise. And dating someone who you find hard to trust is really not healthy.

Well, there's only 70 days to go until I meet him for the first time. I'm getting excited and can't wait <3