I guess I wanted to write this because I'm having a "I really miss him and need him here now" moment. Also, I didn't update you on the passport situation.
Basically, that "case" that he had a couple years ago (it's over with since then and it wasn't even anything serious or his fault) is giving him some trouble, so his passport is delayed. It could come this week, or a couple of weeks from now, we don't know. He said if it doesn't come this week, he'll go in and give them the paperwork from his case to hopefully help processing it faster. But, if it does come this week, he can still quit his job and move in time to see me for May 7. Otherwise, he'll probably be delayed a few weeks and I could end up having to wait until the end of May or beginning of June to see him.
I don't mind waiting the extra bit, if it comes to that. Just that I was really looking forward to May 7 because it's our 7 month anniversary and it would have been nice to go on an anniversary date with him. And, I hate not knowing for sure now, not having a countdown anymore. I can't say "I'm seeing him in ___ days" because I don't know. I'll have to change my schedule at work, which won't be a big deal. We'll make a new date the day he gets his passport, so that'll give me a few weeks to reschedule my week off. His plan is still the same: to get his passport, put in his 2 weeks notice at work, move two weeks later, then see me a week after he moves. It's only a matter of when.
These times can be devastating in an LDR. You look forward to seeing them for so long, then something happens that they can't make it on time and you have to wait even longer. I guess I'm feeling lonely. I miss James, and I miss my best friend (Dinesh) and I don't know when I'll see either of them. It's been three months since I've seen Dinesh and even longer since I properly hung out with him, since the last time I saw him was for about 15 mins before he had to go to work. Sigh. I haven't properly hung out with a friend since before Christmas.
James does know, that if other problems keep arising (even after he gets his passport) that he can't meet me, I'll get really suspicious and probably break up the relationship. It kills me to say that, because I love him a lot and I really want this to work out and be real. So he's been warned. And I hope he takes it seriously. I know he's upset about the passport thing too, but one thing I am disappointed in with him is that he waited so long to apply for one. He should have applied for it in Jan. or Feb, in anticipation of problems from that one legal case. Plus, he should have thought, "Well I'm going to Canada, I should really apply for a passport now". So I don't really know why he screwed up there. But, I can't change the past, and we're here now so I'll just wait and see when his passport does come.
I'm going to apply for mine probably after his first visit. Since I won't be going there until the end of September, that'll give me lots of time. That's, providing everything goes well with James' first visit. I sometimes wish I could fast-forward the future so that I'll know when James will get his passport and I'll have a countdown again.
I'm still wary about him thinking up excuses even after his passport does get here. Something goes wrong with his health, something happened in the family, any number of things could go wrong. If this is real, he won't let anything else get in the way. I'm tired of guys thinking of excuses not to see me, or not to come to my place, or whining when it's their turn to visit me since apparently driving an hour two weekends a month (on their part) is too much effort. I'm still upset about the passport thing, but I'm just trying to move forward as we are and hope nothing else goes wrong. Because if it does, that'll likely be the end. I'm not putting my heart out there just to keep getting disappointed/upset/hurt every time I get my hopes up. I want to see him. And if he wants to see me, he will see me. I'm not so caught up that I'll be blind if the worst starts to happen.
I guess my emotions are all over the place now and I'm just kinda feeling dull at the moment. I'm like I need to see him within the next two months or this isn't going to work. I finally found my soulmate and I need to be with him. I'll be devastated if this doesn't work.
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