Sometimes, if a person hasn't had a crush or relationship for quite a while, then someone promising comes along, they end up getting swept off their feet, only to crash a few weeks later when things go wrong. I've had that happen to me too. And then, there are the people who think they're "in love", end up moving out with the person a few months later or having a kid with them, only to of course have things not work out.
After my ex of one year broke up with me, I was of course very upset because I liked him a lot. I was like "he was a nice guy, so why did it have to end, I won't find anyone better, blah blah". I was sort of friends with him after the breakup and we hung out a couple times. But it still hurt me that he'd broken up with me and didn't want to date me anymore. But, I realized later that he wasn't putting any effort into the relationship and would complain when it was his turn, but anyway.
I was single for four months after my ex, and yet still liked him a lot. However, finally I got over him when I transferred my feelings to someone else who I thought was cute. I met him online, then in person. Of course he only wanted to have sex with me rather than an actual relationship. But just the cute things he said, the things we had in common, and of course how cute he was physically, got my hurt feelings from the previous relationship caught up into a little crush on the new guy. I would text him often, and then after about a week it would confuse me when he said like "oh don't text me I am doing this, I'll text you later" and most times he never did. A couple of times he got all upset because I texted him just before he went into an exam and I'm like well how am I supposed to know? I hung out with him a total of three times in person, but I thought well I finally have a texting and calling buddy, someone to chat to and I like him. It's funny because he did tell me at the very beginning that he wanted a relationship too.
But, as I became comfortable with talking to him, I told him about my suicidal stuff (I was highly suicidal and depressed at the time) and that's what turned him off I think. Being there was a few year's age gap (he was younger than me), his maturity level was way below mine and he couldn't handle the real issues of life. Well, he was only in my life about a couple of months. Then finally one day he got tired of me complaining about my suicidal stuff, and ratted me out to my parents after asking me for my home phone number. To be honest, I think he did that more for himself than me, because afterwards he just stopped talking to me. He did that to get me off his back, not because he was really concerned. Well he might have been somewhat concerned, but not too much.
Anyway, I was upset and hurt that he wasn't answering my messages anymore, because I thought I'd found a friend, if nothing else. So again I had to heal for a bit, and then I met another guy who, turns out, just wanted the same thing. I saw him a couple of times, but didn't really have a crush on him. Finally, I met a guy who actually wanted a relationship, and we dated for a month in November of 2012. At least it helped to get my mind off things and I did have a good time with him, although one day he just broke up with me literally out of nowhere. Again, I was upset and hurt, and so that was when I finally decided to just be like fuck it, no more guys for me, I'm waiting and not looking on dating sites anymore. I deleted my profile and haven't been on there since.
Well, ten months later, it paid off and I started dating James. I didn't expect to be in an LDR, it just happened. But James has been a huge part of my life for the past 8 months that we have been talking/in a relationship (we talked as friends for slightly over a month before we decided to try out a relationship). And things have been going amazingly well. Despite our few tiffs that we have, as most couples do, we rarely have huge arguments that explode into something unfixable.
As for how I knew I was falling for him, well the more we talked on DA and how we saw each other on skype a few times, I knew he was real but again I wasn't sure if he'd ever want to be in an LDR. I became more attached to him the more we talked, although at first I was wary, obviously, because you can't be too cautious on the internet. I began to open up more and he did too. He seemed like he was being honest and there was nothing suspicious about his stories/background, or any red flags that went up that are the usual signs of a scammer. When I first saw him on skype, he told me how he's usually stoic and doesn't laugh too much. I saw that was true at first, but the more we began talking on skype, the more he opened up and would laugh at the funny/stupid things I said. He said recently that I'm one of the few people who gets to see him like that.
I also know someone who's been single for a while, he met someone online who lived close to him and got caught up in how much they had in common, how good-looking she was, etc. They met up a couple times, and hit it off well, and he told me he wanted to take things slow with her but was getting quickly attached to her, but then one day she told him she didn't want a relationship so he was pretty hurt about that and I don't blame him. James has had that happen to him with girls, even if they talked to him for a bit, turned him down in some way by telling him they didn't want to talk to him anymore or that they had a boyfriend. That's why he's been single for his whole life until now, no girls would give him a chance to get to know him, and most judged him by his physical appearance and immediately wrote him off as un-dateable.
So, if you've been single for a while and decide to try looking again, don't be caught up by the first attractive person who shows interest in you. I know it's hard to just keep those feelings aside, because you've been wanting to feel this kind of attraction again for so long. But if the person turns out not to be who you thought they would be, and you're already attracted to them, it makes it harder to break things off, and usually the other person ends up doing that, therefore hurting your feelings. Make sure you get to know their intentions right from the start. Make sure you find out if they are single or not. It always hurts when you're flirting with someone for a while, and it turns out they are taken or like someone else, or aren't looking for a relationship after all.
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