True Love VS Infatuation

Came upon a quote that says "True love doesn't mean being inseparable, it means being separated and nothing changes". And it's true. I'm sure we all have those friends who are couples and are constantly with each other, all over each other. Or if our friends aren't like that, then we at least know someone who is.

My former best friend is like that with his girlfriend. He came into my store last night while I was working, whether he saw me or not I don't know since he didn't acknowledge me and not sure if he looked my way or noticed me. They ended up not buying anything either so I didn't notice them leave. But anyway, when they came in the door I noticed his hand was on her back, as it always seems to be whenever I see them in public together. And then my friend who works with me and knows him too from high school, she went around and saw them kissing in the corner, then saw his girlfriend trying to look at things and he was hanging all over her like touching and kissing her, and my friend kind of gently (purposely) tapped him in the leg with her broom and she said at first she didn't think he knew who she was, then he just kind of laughed. She said he seemed to be dazed, like in his own little world, and wouldn't surprise me if he did see me but didn't think to say "hey!" and get me to talk to him for a minute.

I don't care what you say, hanging all over each other like that in public is not true love. It clearly shows that they are infatuated with each other and it's still puppy love. Most people in relationships do that at first, then they calm down after a while. But nope, it's been almost 3 years for them and they're still like that. He may be "in love" with her but I bet most of it is still infatuation or even lust.

I just think it's inappropriate to be all kissy and smoochy in public. Even touching each other too much is inappropriate. Holding hands and a kiss here and there is fine, obviously. But not like hanging all over each other, grabbing butts/boobs, practically making out, unable to move an inch away from each other, etc. Get a room, seriously.

I know that him and her couldn't go a month being apart. They would expire. They can barely go a day without being apart, since they do see each other everyday and he doesn't have time for anyone else anymore. That's sad. If you don't have a life outside of your relationship, that's not true love. True love is a person who supports you having friends, and supports and trusts you going out rather than whining that they want you to spend the time with them instead, making you cancel on your friends and then stop asking your friends to hang out.

Also, apparently his girlfriend put up a tantrum about him moving down to Dartmouth to take the college course that he had got accepted into and I remember he was really excited about taking it. She didn't want him to move an hour away, oh no, and especially since I was still down there at the time and we were still friends, she probably didn't want me hanging out with him sometimes. But anyway he ended up turning that down and not going, and he was going to take a business course here in Truro since that's what she took (lame, like he's not a business type person, wtf he gonna do with that?) but I don't know if he ever ended up taking it or not. If she really loved him, she would support his future and talk about it with him rather than demanding he not go because that would mean they couldn't see each other everyday.

There's also a quote that says, "true love is when someone accepts your past, encourages your present and supports your future". James does all of that with me, and I do all of that with him. Apparently my former best friend's girlfriend does not encourage his present or support his future. She prevents him from hanging out with his friends and going to college, and because of that she's brainwashed him. He now listens to her every move, rather than thinking for himself. He could have stood up for himself and been like "Listen, I'm going to college, I've been wanting to do this course for forever, its only an hour away and you have a car and I can take buses, we'll talk about it but I'm still going. We can work around our relationship and if you can't accept it then I'm sorry but it's my future". But I'm sure the moment she protested him going, he was like "oh, I guess that would mean I can't see you as often, so I shouldn't go".

If someone is controlling your life, don't let them. It's not good to be with someone who says "no I don't want you to hang out with that person, come spend the night with me instead" or "no you can't go ___ because I want you here with me". Or, even if you have to ask your partner permission to do something, that's not good either. You should be able to say "hey I'm going to my friend's place, be back in a few hours" rather than "hey can I go to my friend's place?"

True love is having someone who supports everything you do, and yet points out when you're wrong or when you hurt them, but forgives you if you apologize and fix yourself to not do that again. It's having someone who encourages you, and doesn't get frustrated or threaten to leave when you're in a bad mood. Someone who'll talk to you, listen to you and what you want, respect you but not be brainwashed by you in that they'll sacrifice things in their own life so that their attention is only focused on you.

Say for example, you don't want them flirting with other people which is acceptable since I consider flirting to be cheating. I mean, saying things like "hey sexy" or "nice ass" or "damn hot cleavage", making sexual comments like that towards another person, or even hitting on them and asking them for their phone number are all crossing the line. When I have a boyfriend I'm closed off to other guys, because I wouldn't want my boyfriend flirting with other girls so I respect him and don't flirt with other guys. Sure, I'm friends with other guys, but I don't engage in flirtatiousness with them.

One of my ex's flirts with other girls, and his wife doesn't care, but that's her and I'm different. I did care when I was with him and he flirted or ogled other girls, and yet he refused to respect that I didn't want him to do it, instead he expected me to accept him as he was when he refused to accept what I didn't like him doing. So that there, is proof that you need someone who accepts you for who you are rather than trying to change you. I couldn't change him. He just needed someone who, like his wife, didn't care that he's practically cheated on her.

Anyway, I guess I'm just trying to say that people who grope each other and make out with each other in public need to get a room, lol. There was a story that two lesbians (a couple) were having sex in the women's washroom in McDonald's, so they got kicked out and then a crowd outside started yelling and throwing stuff at them. Sure, it's not cool that the crowd did that, but at the same time, WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU FUCKING IN A MCDONALDS WASHROOM??? Ugh. I don't get some people. Then they probably were trying to be the victims since they got stuff thrown at them. Um, yeah, why did you do that in the first place? Idiots.

I just don't think that you're in a loving relationship if one is controlling the other, or even if one isn't putting forward the effort they should be. If it's starting to feel one sided on your part, then that's a sign that things are going downhill. If you're feeling like you're being brainwashed and don't have a life outside of your relationship anymore, that's not a good thing either. But of course, usually brainwashed people don't notice until they're too far into it, or until something goes majorly wrong and then they kinda have a light bulb go off and realize this isn't as perfect as it seems. Obviously that hasn't happened to my former best friend yet, but something could happen down the road between him and his girlfriend, and he'll be like damn...why won't my friends hang out with me anymore? and realize what a bitch she was. At least, I hope. Unless of course they end up getting married. Even if I get invited to the wedding I probably won't go. But I doubt I'll get invited at all. Not that it would hurt me to see them together. Just that I'm still disgusted with him and how he's acting towards me and his other friends. Even when he supposedly wanted to build up our friendship again but he doesn't seem to be bothering with that as much anymore.

So, that's all for now I guess. To sum it up:

- don't let your partner control your life
- don't make out/feel each other up in public (nasty and inappropriate)
- if they're not making the effort anymore, chances are it's going downhill
- if you can't accept someone for who they are fully, maybe you shouldn't be with them since they won't change for you
- if someone can't accept you, then that's not good either
- be accepting of their past, encourage their present and support their future, the key elements to a successful relationship
- being infatuated, in lust, and in love are three different things
- if someone expects you to change something for them, but they won't change what's upsetting you out of respect for you, they'll never change

There you have it. I'm out for now.