I just wanted to say, that if my blog has helped anyone out there, I am very happy that it has and that was the whole point of it. I wanted people to know that they're not alone in an LDR, and to be honest I never thought I'd be in one myself, it just sort of...happened. I'm sure a lot of LDRs come as a surprise, not many people plan to fall in love with someone from a different country. But when it happens, we have to make the best of it no matter what people say.
A lot of times, people can be judgemental if you say you're in a relationship with someone you haven't met in person. They say "omg that's so weird, why would you date someone that far away, can't you find someone in your own town" etc. Well, I have dated guys here like I've said before. They all turned out to not be the one.
But I have told most of my co-workers about James, and they think it's cool that he's coming all this way to meet me. And they'll want to meet him too, so I'm bringing him to my store a couple of times to see who he can meet, meaning who's working at the time, etc. So far, most people in my life haven't been too judgemental about me and James, besides my family were at first but now they're used to me talking about him so much. James' father doesn't know about me yet, that's why he can't talk using his voice while on skype but he'll be able to once he moves. His mom and best friend know about me though, and they think it's cool too but of course his mom was shocked at first.
I also wanted people to know that I'm here to talk if they ever need to. I'm not an LDR expert, obviously since this is my first one and we haven't met in person yet, but I'd like to think I am knowledgeable on relationships in general, after being hurt and betrayed so much. So I could either offer you advice, or if you just wanted to rant about something and need reassurance. Then again, a lot of people get upset when I tell them things they don't want to hear.
I noticed there are a few girls on Twitter having relationship problems, as in their LDR man doesn't seem to be giving their relationship his effort anymore. Then I see how obsessed those girls are over that guy, and it makes me sad because I'm like why would you be with someone who doesn't seem to care about this as much as you do? If you want an LDR to work, you each have to put in 100%. But if your guy is slacking off and only giving you like 50% while you're still giving 110%, that's not a good sign.
Like I said, I've been with guys where, they would be ok with the "distance" at first and then after a couple of months start complaining about it. One of my ex's whom I dated for a year, lived an hour away from me. For the first 4 months that we were friends before actually getting together, I noticed that I was doing a lot of the driving but I didn't say anything because I didn't think much of it since we were just friends. He came to my town a couple of times, but was reluctant to make the extra 20 min drive outside of my town to come to my place. He finally did, and through our one year relationship, he came out here about 4 times or so that I can think of.
The rest of the time, I was always driving over there. Most of the time when I asked him to come to my place, he would be like "oh you can't get the car?" or "I've been driving 40 mins to work everyday so I don't want to wear my car down and I just want to relax on the weekends (his days off)" or "gas money". It was pathetic. Then, even after I moved to Dartmouth which was next to where he worked (he worked in Halifax), he'd only come and see me on weekdays because he was already there anyway, and it took him about 20 mins to drive over here. Even then, he'd only stay until about 8 pm, and barely wanted to do anything. He came over a couple of times on weekends, but then he complained about it saying it's too far to drive on weekends again. Ugh. Plus he wanted to "rest", as I said before. And I end up taking buses to go to there on weekends sometimes. So I still went over there more than he came here.
Of course he ended up breaking up with me, even though I thought he was "the one" since he was a nice guy who treated me good. How stupid I was. Just because someone is pretty decent to you sometimes, but if they never make the effort to see you then what's the point in staying in love with them? I'll admit it took me a while to get over him though.
The guy I dated before him for about 8 months, was kinda the same thing. We lived almost 2 hours apart. I understand it's a bit of a drive, and he had to drive a bit of a distance into work everyday as well. He was a bit more willing and active though, and he did come over to my place more often, however after a while he did start complaining too. I remember New Year's with him. I had high hopes that I could you know, have fun and such. Anyway I was at his place, as my mom had driven me there so that he could drive me back and hang out with me on New Year's. He'd gotten me my camera (Canon Rebel) for Christmas and I was excited to go to Peggy's Cove to try it out, since he lived a half hour away from there and it was on the way to my place anyway.
It was New Year's Eve Day, and we were hanging around at his place, he'd been working on his car or boat or something, and then he came in and I was like "I wanna go to Peggy's Cove to try my camera" and he was just like "I'm going to have a nap" in kind of a rude way. I just glared at him, pissed and was like whatever. So of course I was disappointed, and I ended up going out to the beach by his place for a while to take pictures. A couple of hours later I was in his room (he napped on the couch) looking at my pictures. He came up and kind of got cuddly with me, I think he probably felt bad, and was like "so we can go now if you still want to" and I was still kind of annoyed but I was like ok.
So we got ready to leave, and he was planning on staying the night at my place obviously. We went to Peggy's Cove, and it was pretty cold, and I could tell he wasn't enjoying himself since he was kind of grumpy and I knew he had a slight cold but he was being a baby about it. We were there for a couple of hours and I took some photos, then we had dinner at the restaurant there before heading back to my place. To be honest I can't remember what we did once we reached my place, I think we went bowling but he was still a jerk there since he "wasn't feeling good". Of course he acted like he was enjoying himself but when I look back on it I knew he wasn't.
Anyway, I was getting frustrated with his attitude, but then New Year's was coming around so I hoped to get a kiss at midnight as most couples do. We stayed in to watch the fireworks, and we were the only ones downstairs laying on the couch. He was all "omg I'm sick and tired blah" and I was just thinking dude it's fucking New Year's, stop being a baby and have fun with your girlfriend rather than making me feel like you were forced to come here. Anyway, midnight comes around, the fireworks go off, I expect him to kiss me and he doesn't. I was like um wtf? So you're too "sick" to kiss your girlfriend now? I ended up kissing him a couple minutes after midnight once I realized he wasn't going to, and again it felt forced on his part. And guess what? The next day he only stayed for a few hours before leaving. I was like thanks for the fun times, not.
Well, a few weeks later he broke up with me. I could tell he just wasn't enjoying himself anymore. It hurt and upset me yes, and I thought we could be friends, and we were for a few months. Then he started dating someone else and stopped answering my messages. The other guy, the one I dated for a year after this guy, I also talked to for a good few months after the break up, but then again he just stopped answering my messages one day and I got the hint and left them both alone although it did hurt that they could be such jerks when I just wanted to be their friend at least, and I wasn't mean or a jerk towards them so...yeah. Basically no reason for them to just ignore me one day.
This is yet another story of the guy not putting in 100% in our relationship. He's the 2nd guy I dated seriously. At first he was all nice and normal and whatnot, so of course making me fall for him as most relationships go. I did know he was something of a redneck since he lived in Debert which is only about 25 mins from me. At first things were great again, we hung out, went camping and did stuff together. Of course I think about a month after we started dating, he went to a party and at first did invite me to come with him. I'm not a social or party person so I ended up following him around since of course I was awkward with these people I barely knew. At every party I went to with him, drama happened whether he was involved or not.
So one time, (this isn't the worst but it's part of the story), I was at his place spending time with him, and then one of his buddies called him saying that there was going to be a pit party of about 100 people or so. He asked me if I wanted to go and I told him no, I wanted to just spend time with him. At first he called his buddies back and told them no, but then he talked me into it, and I finally reluctantly agreed since I knew he wasn't going to give it up. So we ended up going there, and I knew what was going to happen - he was going to ignore me and tell me not to follow him around. Which happened right away. He parked his car not too far from the party, and the first thing he did was go over to his buddies and drink, leaving me alone with people I barely knew.
At one point I remember looking across the fire and seeing him sitting on a chair over there, laughing it up with his "girl buddies" and I think that set me off. I was thinking so you don't want me, your girlfriend following you around but it's ok if your girl buddies surround you? I was eating some chips or something, and I ended up stalking back to his car, pissed off. He didn't even notice I was gone until like 10 minutes later, and then he came storming back to his car extremely pissed. He was all "why the fuck would you embarrass me like that, blah blah blah" basically making me feel bad and cry, so we left the party and went to the tent that we had set up. Anyway, after that disaster, he stopped inviting me to parties and would either lie to me about going or ditch me to go to them.
A month into our relationship he moved to the city for work, which I didn't care about obviously since distance doesn't bother me. His visits of course ended up getting few and far between. I mean, he didn't seem to mind driving to see me. However, when it came to choosing me or parties, he chose parties. One night I was excited to see him since I hadn't seen him in a couple of weeks. We had plans for him to come to my place after a "family dinner" as he called it. So when he was close to home, he calls me and says "I don't know if I'll be able to make it tonight, my buddies might want me to work for them" and of course I was really disappointed and upset. But I had a sneaking suspicion that he wasn't ditching me for work.
Of course I was right. He called me upon getting in his driveway, confirming that he was going to "work" and couldn't see me anymore. That hurt me a lot, but I asked him if he was really working or going to a party and he said it's work. Then a couple of hours later, he calls me again, and I hear a bunch of loudmouths in the background. I'm like -_- fucking asshole, seriously? He's like "yeahh..I'm at a party" as if it's not a big fucking deal that he hurt me. I mean, he can see his "buddies" whenever since he lives next door to them when he comes home.
Oh well, as you can tell I've had bad experiences with previous "distance" relationships. James is different from those guys though. I can just tell by his personality. Now that I've had experience with being hurt from distance relationships, I can tell when the guy is being less than sincere or if he really isn't into it. I'm pretty sure that James is 100% into this or, as he said, he wouldn't have let it get this far and neither would I. And when we talk about future visits, he doesn't hesitate or hum and haw over it. He's like "when I come next time I'll have a car" and such. And he's not freaking out that he has to see me two times before I can go see him. He's happy to come here again. Only next time will be easier, since like I said, he'll have a car and his passport already.
I know my ex's who hurt me like that, wouldn't even go for a relationship like this since they're not strong enough or patient. Being in an LDR like this requires extreme trust and patience. I mean, in what normal relationship could they wait 213 days to see each other? Not many.
I think I'm finally running out of steam for this blog. James is online now, so I'm going to talk to him before he leaves to go out and I leave to go to work. This was a long entry but now you know some of my experience with previous "distance" relationships, as well as guys who don't put in their effort when I'm the one doing everything I can to see them.
I could probably write a memoir lol.
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