Scars of the Past

We all have them. Those memories that still hurt us, make us really upset or angry when we think about them, even if they happened years ago with people who are no longer in our lives. You can say "forgive and forget", or at least just "forget", but for some of us it isn't that easy. A lot of us have a certain word that triggers a memory or a feeling, and we can go into a funk about it for a while, even years after it happened. You don't even have to have a certain word, a memory can just pop up out of nowhere.

Well that's true with me at least. This doesn't have a whole lot to do with LDR's other than I know James feels the same way about certain things in his past that hurt him, and we'll be able to recover together. I love that I'm able to confide in him about anything, because he can also relate to feeling similar or the same things that I did/do.

I've had my fair share of hurt from previous relationships. Falling for someone, only to have them break your heart after a while of being with them. The pain never gets easier, especially if you really like the person, then things just somehow went wrong in one way or another. I'm worried things could still potentially go wrong here, with James, but I get along so well with him that it's hard to see it going wrong. Then again, I said that about other guys too.

I've also had some hurt from previous friendships. People who I thought were my friends betraying me, saying mean things, hurting me, etc. Sure I'm not saying I'm totally the victim of those situations but most of the time the arguments and nasty words were uncalled for on both our parts. I even had a best friend of five years give up on me after he met a girlfriend. Now we're starting to talk again but it's still not the same, and it really sucks. Plus I'm still bitter about certain things with him and he's still with that girl. At least he apologized for his part and I did too. Those are the people I can forgive, the ones who apologize.

The worst is when people fight with you but don't apologize for hurting you. Even if you were the one who started it, in my opinion both sides should apologize if mean words were exchanged. It's like:

Me: "I'm sorry for calling you ugly, I was just having a bad day"
Them: "it's ok..."
Me: "but you called me a stupid bitch, where's my apology?"

It's only fair, right? It takes two to argue. One to start it, one to keep it going. I could write a lot about this but I don't want anyone who could be reading this to get upset. So I'll just keep it simple and not focus on friendships but moreso relationships, or LDR's.

So you and your LDR partner are having a fight. Doesn't matter who started it, in the end as long as both of you calm down and apologize to each other, it should be fine. Hopefully you don't fight too much, because fighting a lot sucks and is stressful. I don't see how people can be in relationships where all they do is fight everyday.

And try not to let negative things from your past come forward into new relationships. I know it's hard. I keep thinking that James will just end up getting bored of the distance and leaving me, as other guys have. Or that he'll find someone else. You just have to have faith that it's going to work. James hasn't given me any doubt that he's wavering about the distance, and he's assured me that he hates the girls in New York (lol) so he won't find anyone there to be with. So it's only my paranoid thoughts and memories bringing those things up.

I know we'll make it, and we'll be together in the long run. I don't care how many people doubt us, or think we're crazy. I know we can do it.

99 more days until our first meeting omg....