Tonight he works closing shift. I won't get to talk to him until tomorrow evening when he gets home from work. I don't like these nights. Especially if I'm feeling down or depressed and I want to talk to him but he's not there.
It's especially lonely when everyone else gets to be with their significant other whenever they want, but I have to wait another 110 days. I see people posting photos of them and their partners together, I see them saying how much of an amazing time they had, or what they're going to do with them the next day. I have no photos of me and my boyfriend together, at least not yet obviously. The closest I have to photos of us together are us on skype.
We've suffered this long, we can do 110 more days. Soon enough we'll be in the home stretch. At least it's less than 4 months now, and our next anniversary (February 7th) will be our 4 month anniversary.
Honestly I'm a lot happier now than I was with any guy here. The only thing that would make this more amazing and perfect is if of course he lived in the same province at least lol. I know people will say "how can he make you happy, you don't know him" or "he might be a jerk in real life". I know all that. But really, I'm an expert on jerks and fishy internet boyfriends. So I'm pretty sure I could tell by now if something was off. Either that or he is a really good liar.
I just love that I can talk to James about literally anything, and be myself 100% without having to hide or mask anything. He's very patient and doesn't get upset/frustrated when I talk about a complicated subject that most people would get turned off by. I'm the same way. When people talk to me about their problems, I don't get upset. So if you feel like you have to mask yourself around someone, maybe they're not a good friend/boyfriend. Your boyfriend should accept you for who you are, even all the bad things. If he gets mad or frustrated when you talk about certain things, like your real feelings (say you're depressed or upset about something) then that's not exactly a healthy relationship. I know because I've been in them. It's really frustrating when you're depressed and your boyfriend gets mad about it. You can't help it. You're just looking for someone to talk to but he shuts down when you try to talk to him. And that's not good.
What I do on these lonely nights is try to keep myself busy even though I don't have a job. I read, write, watch youtube, cross-stitch, super exciting stuff. It's hard to not think about the fact that you're lonely and really want them beside you. I think about it all the time. I also look for jobs, and apply for any I see, but a lot of times there's nothing new. It's not even that my town is a small town, just that for some reason there's never jobs. At least I'm tryin here, just waiting for someone to take the bait.
Well...it's 110 days until I finally meet him. Soon enough he'll be in Massachusetts, which is closer than New York by about 400kms. That'll take 4 hours off his drive. But it's still a 9 hour drive,which is not that bad to be honest. And when it's my turn to see him I won't mind taking a plane. I enjoy flying and travelling, I don't get to do it enough.
I think that's all I have to say for now, gonna try to update this blog every few days. I know I'll miss him tonight...
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