Being an Introvert

So today I woke up with a headache, and it's my day off...great. And of course it would be a nice day outside and now I can't fully enjoy it. It feels like it's going to be a full on migraine too. James works 10 to 6 his time so that's not so bad, at least he'll get home at a decent time rather than like 11:30 my time. The late nights, and the nights we can't talk to each other suck especially since we don't have texting and he can't get apps on his phone since it's an old phone. But when he moves he'll get a new phone and get the BBM app since it's free and I have a blackberry so that would be easy communication for us. We'll need it, especially when he goes on his trip to see me.

Also, I haven't hung out with a friend in like three months since before Christmas...how sad is that lol. Even James has hung out with his best friend at least once since then. They don't see each other too often either since his best friend apparently works a lot (like mine does) and so it's hard for them to get the same days off I guess. But I know that some of my friends who don't work, and aren't busy, seem to suddenly be busy whenever I ask them to hang out. And I feel like I jump up at any time they ask me to hang out since I'm never too busy to see them, and I don't like that. Yet, I'll see them posting things like "hanging out with this person today" even a couple of days after they turned me down to hang out. It doesn't make sense.

It also pisses me off when they complain to me about a person, and I know that person doesn't treat them good, or didn't in the past, then suddenly they write things like "omg this person is the best ever they did this one good thing for me even though I did a lot more good things for them and they were never grateful". I feel like my friends want to be around people who treat them worse than I ever did, and I see it happening everywhere, not just with one person.

I'm not a bad person, I think. I was never mean to these people. If they did something that was out of their way for me I was grateful. I still remember what one said to me during one of our fights back in the day (it was after she got a boyfriend and it changed her). I was upset because whenever I asked her to hang out she was always busy, yet she could find all this time to even stay at her bfs house for a week at a time. She told me "well no offence Alicia, you are kind of boring, you never talk and I'm always talking when you're with me". She was never, ever mean to me before that. So that there is proof that when girls get with a guy, especially their first boyfriend as he was to her, it changes them. I also have other proof but anyone else who I confronted about it would deny it.

Yeah, that hurt me. She did apologize after and so did I but it still stuck with me as most of those things from my past do. I remember all the bad things that happened to me, and that in itself is a bad thing. I know I'm an introvert, and I don't talk much around certain people. Sometimes you really have to engage with me or I won't talk at all. Other times, I can have fluent conversations with certain people and never stop talking to them like with James or my best friend. But being an introvert doesn't make me boring, does it?

Well, I guess it could, if you look at it from an extrovert's point of view. "That person never talks, why should I bother with them?" or "they don't like to hang out in groups and party/get drunk, they're boring". I do talk. I just need a certain person to bring it out. And besides, if I go quiet for like a few minutes, it's because I don't have anything to say and I don't want to make pointless small talk. But if you know how to interact with me, I can talk nonstop.

James is the same way. He's an introvert so he understands, which is nice. My best friend is an extrovert so he doesn't fully understand why I'm like that sometimes. But if I'm silent around James for a few minutes, he won't pressure me to talk. He'll be silent too. Me and him are both quiet, however he has more confidence in that he's not afraid to point out stupidity or people's mistakes, especially at work. But he doesn't like to make pointless small talk so most of the time at work he stays quiet while his other co-workers are talking amongst themselves, unless he has to talk of course, or if he's spoken to. He said at break time, he goes and hides by his locker by himself since he doesn't want to be around those idiots any more than he has to. But I think that once me and him are together, conversation will flow freely between us, and I won't feel like he's one of those people who I feel like I have to constantly talk to or they'll get bored.

I just don't like being around people who I feel like I have to constantly talk to, as in non stop. There's a woman at work who is probably in her 30s or 40s and she's always, always talking, even when I'm trying to ring someone in and concentrate on that customer so I end up ignoring my co-worker for a minute, not meaning to. But she just goes on talking even if I don't respond. Being around people like that exhausts me. Especially since she talks so fast that sometimes it's hard for me to say anything. She'll move from one subject to another without waiting for an input.

Like yesterday, there were several points where I had lineups, and one of them included a large group of people who were apparently together, but they were all constantly talking, the store was loud for several long minutes until I finally rang them all in. Even though I wasn't involved in their conversations, I still felt exhausted from all that noise, so when they finally left I was like ahhh quiet.

James also said he's had similar things happen to him. He'll come across someone he knew, the person will be like "hey we should hang out and catch up" then later on James texts them and they never respond. He's had people he thought were his friends just stop talking to him for no reason. Just one day decided to ignore his texts. I've had people do that to me too. I don't now what goes through someone's head when, you message them and they just decide not to talk to you anymore. I mean, I ignore one of my ex's when he messages me but he's an asshole so I do have a reason. I only ignore people that treated me badly. And those people that ignored me, I didn't treat them badly. At least I don't think so. I guess they just didn't wanna be my friend anymore :/

Well, I still have the migraine, even though I took 2 muscle relaxant pills. I was feeling dizzy for a while but the dizziness seems to have subsided. I guess I should maybe get up and walk around, see if that would help me feel better. Or it'll make it worse, who knows.